by waiter | May 26, 2005 | Uncategorized
“I love you,” the woman says dreamily. “No, I love you more,” the man replies. “How much more?” she giggles reaching across the table to take his hand. “More than anything in the world,” he sighs. It’s way past closing. The Bistro’s empty. The staff is waiting to...
by waiter | May 23, 2005 | Uncategorized
Anyone who wants a table a half hour before closing is an asshole. If a customer never says “Please” or “thank you” during the course of the meal you’re getting 15% or less. If a customer pays with the Discover Card – your tips probably gonna be bad. If the customer...
by waiter | May 23, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Waiter what would you recommend? The swordfish or the tuna?” the redhead on table twenty three asks me. “The swordfish is excellent tonight,” I offer. “How thick is the swordfish?” Red asks looking up. Our eyes meet. There’s a spark of electricity between us. We both...
by waiter | May 22, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Waiter, has any one ever told you that you look like Elton John?” “No sir,” I say looking down my nose at the customer. “I mean a young Elton John,” the man adds quickly, realizing I’m not flattered by the comparison. “That’s a new one on me sir,” I reply icily. “I...
by waiter | May 20, 2005 | Uncategorized
Gerald and I are conversing by the coffee station at the start of shift. “My friend’s daughter’s ten and she’s already menstruating,” he says. “Ten?” I gasp in surprise, “isn’t that a little early?” “Unbelievable ain’t it?” “Man, girls are hitting puberty younger and...
by waiter | May 18, 2005 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow lunch. Too kill time, Gwen, the lunch waitress is doing a Feng Shui analysis of my apartment. “You see here,” Gwen says pointing to my clumsily doodled floor plan, “your creativity corner is strong. But your money and love energies are going out the...
by waiter | May 15, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Fluvio wants you,” Maria, the busgirl, shouts. “Tell him I didn’t do it whatever it is,” I shout over the din, frantically trying to assemble ten cappuccinos. “He wants to know why your table outside’s pissed off,” Maria continues. “What?” “They said you’re a...
by waiter | May 10, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m standing on the shore of a tropical island when a beautiful blonde in skimpy white bikini emerges from the surf like Venus Rising from the sea. I admire her long legs as she sashays suggestively towards me. “Hi,” she says breathlessly....
by waiter | May 7, 2005 | Uncategorized
Fluvio and I are eating lunch at change of shift. It’s payday. The lunch waitress happily counts the day’s take as the dinner staff trickles in. “Hey Arlene, how was lunch?” Louis asks in greeting. “$200!” Arlene chirps merrily. She had a great shift. “Not bad…” Louis...
by waiter | May 5, 2005 | Uncategorized
It has come to my attention that WaiterRant’s site statistics are less than transparent. To remedy that situation I have decided to make those statistics public. Click on the StatCounter “counter.” Type “reader” into both the username and password fields and your in!...
