by waiter | Dec 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
“You ready?” Phil asks me. “Ready,” I reply. “Let her rip.” I squeeze the trigger on the heavy revolver. With a tremendous roar, a .357 caliber bullet explodes out of the barrel and smashes through the head of my target. “Good...
by waiter | Dec 14, 2006 | Uncategorized
I don’t like the guy sitting at Table 24. Something about him gives me the creeps. I can’t put my finger on it but give me time. “Can I get you something from the bar?” I ask. The man looks at the woman sitting across from him. “A glass...
by waiter | Dec 11, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Look at this,” Louis says, handing me a check holder. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Just look.” I open the bill holder. Inside’s a signed credit card slip. The check’s a hundred dollars. The tip? Five bucks....
by waiter | Dec 7, 2006 | Uncategorized
Louis comes running up to me. He doesn’t look good. “I think I’m having a heart attack,” he gasps, clutching his chest. Its five-thirty on Wednesday afternoon. We have no reservations. Three waiters are scheduled to work the floor. The odds are...
by waiter | Dec 5, 2006 | Uncategorized
Seventy-three years ago today the 21st amendment to the US Constitution was fully ratified. If you forgot your history the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th Amendment. I know, don’t all jump up and down at once. But a quick Wikipedia check would tell you that’s when...
by waiter | Dec 4, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Wednesday night and I’m at the gym. I’ve been working out faithfully since the middle of summer. My cholesterol’s down, I’ve lost some weight, and my doctor’s thrilled with my blood pressure. The health benefits are nice, but...
by waiter | Dec 1, 2006 | Uncategorized
When customers ask me, “What else do you do?” they’re operating from the usually correct assumption that waiters are always working on another gig; singing, writing, acting, modeling, etc. However, some of us are really waiters. This is our...
by waiter | Nov 30, 2006 | Uncategorized
Hi everybody. I’m sorry Waiter Rant’s such a mess. The old software that previously ran the site was getting buggy and had to be replaced. Unfortunately, a whole host of other problems emerged during the switch. The web team over at SoundQue is diligently...
by waiter | Nov 21, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Congratulations Assemblyman,” I say to the newly elected member of the Legislature. “Thanks,” the politician says. “Did you vote for me?” “I’m not in your district,” I reply. The Assemblyman laughs. A regular...
by waiter | Nov 20, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Can you explain fetishes to me?” Georgie, our Sunday hostess asks me. This isn’t a question I field everyday. “Why are you asking?” I reply. “You majored in psych didn’t you?” “I did.” “I’m...
