What Else Do You Do?
When customers ask me, “What else do you do?” they’re operating from the usually correct assumption that waiters are always working on another gig; singing, writing, acting, modeling, etc. However, some of us are really waiters. This is our profession. I could say I’m a writer or blogger but until 50.1% of my income comes from these sources – I’m a waiter.
Most of the time, people ask me if I have another job to make conversation. Occasionally you get the patronizing asshole who only asks the question to make you feel bad. I like to tell these lovely people I’m one of the following……
Illegal human tissue harvester
Porn Theater Custodian
Truck stop serial killer (Apprentice)
Avian Flu Emergency Response Team Poultry Culler
Human Hair Doll Craftsman
Colonic Irrigation Technician
Eskimo Pie Fetish Website Operator
Snuff Film Editor
Part Time Professional Assassin
Cartoonist for the Al Qaeda Daily News
Human Remains Exhumation Coordinator
International Art Thief (A French waiter was the most successful art thief in history.)�
Gun Store Stockboy
Alternate Identity Procurement Specialist
Discarded Bubble Gum Sculptor
These responses usually slam snobby yuppies into stunned, uncomfortable, looking for the exits silence. Can you think of any others? Help me out. Thanks.