Take Him Outback and ……….

“Hi welcome to Outback,” the hostess perkily chirps, “Two for dinner?”

“Yeah,” Fluvio replies looking grim.

“Follow me.”

“By the way is Toupee working the floor tonight?” I ask.

“Yes he is,” the hostess replies looking over her shoulder.

“Could you send him over to our table please?” I request ever so politely.

“Sure, no problem,” the hostess says. My – she’s a cutie.

Fluvio and I slide into the big booth. We grin at each other. This is going to be fun.

The server comes up and asks if we’d like a drink. Fluvio orders two Heinekens.

“Yeah and send Toupee Man over here,” I bark.

The server brings us our beers. We order two steaks. Don’t get the wrong idea from this post – I actually really like Outback.

Toupee Man comes over to our table. He looks busy.

“Can I help you gentleman?” he asks politely.

“Hello there asshole,” I say.

“Huh?” Toupee draws back like he’s been punched.

“Remember me buddy?”

Toupee’s eyes widen in recognition. His face cycles through expressions of shock, embarrassment, anger, and fear until he settles on a petulant tough guy look

“Nice place you have here,” Fluvio says, “how long have you owned it?”

“I think it’s a franchise deal,” I murmur.

“Uh, guys I don’t want any trouble……” Toupee stammers.

“Hey aren’t you supposed to kneel at the table?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Fluvio grunts, “Why aren’t you kneeling?”


“How’s your girlfriend?” I ask with a shit eating grin.

I don’t get a response. Toupee’s too busy choking on impotent rage to say anything.

“I heard the fine she had to pay was huge,” I press, “Sucks for you.”

Still nothing.

“You still seeing her? She was cute.”

Toupee glares at me.

“No?,” I say taking a pull on my beer, “Go figure.”

Toupee starts to walk away.

“You know I think you’d look better bald,” I call after him.

“Yeah, lose the piece,” Fluvio adds.

Toupee stops for a second, thinks about it, and continues walking away. We get our steaks and tuck in. I like Outback’s steaks.

The entire time we’re eating, we don’t see Toupee. Probably hiding in the kitchen like a little girl. Run and hide peckerhead. Run and hide.

We finish our steaks and pass on dessert. We settle the check, tip nicely, and leave. End of story.

I know I know. You thought we we’re going to take him “outback” and deliver him a side of ass whipping but naaa – that’s not my style. Sorry to be anti-climactic.

And besides – I still like to eat at Outback.

10 thoughts on “Take Him Outback and ……….”

  1. Kyle says:

    Beautiful story, my kind of revenge.

  2. watzshakinbacon says:

    hehehe and you still tipped nicely :] you’re a trooper

  3. Internet Meme says:

    I wouldn’t have tipped ‘nicely’ after what he did, but I definitely would visit him first chance I got. Maybe continually bust his chops about how he’s avoiding a customer who hasn’t done any more wrong to him than any other customer.

    But thats me.

  4. Ohthathurt says:

    I don’t do people dirty like he did. I’ve often wondered what the hell is going through his mind as he gets his in return. Can you really get angry at being humiliated for you did and probably deserve worse for? I’ll be thinking about that all day.

  5. Kris says:

    So much nicer then kicking his ass.

    Much higher road too.

  6. Max says:

    Fuck the high road. I’d have made him suffer.
    Then agian, I’m bad man.

  7. Tori says:

    Thank you, many of the people I work with at Outback are non-tipping assholes… Even though they’re “in the business” themselves.
    What is it with OB’s part-time managers and being pricks?

  8. leithold says:

    bully for a bully. the only language they understand.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Of course he tipped well, it’s not the server’s fault his/her boss is an asshole.

  10. Sydney says:


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