by waiter | Oct 4, 2006 | Uncategorized
My brother and his wife just bought their first house. It’s what real estate agents euphemistically call a fixer upper. The three bedroom Cape’s previous owner had been a heavy smoking cat lover. We discovered nicotine stains in the closets. And the smell...
by waiter | Oct 2, 2006 | Uncategorized
In restaurant parlance a “void” is when management removes an item from a customer’s check. In medical parlance it means urinating or evacuating one’s bowels. I’m in management so it’s all the same to me – taking shit and...
by waiter | Sep 29, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’ve been wearing drugstore reading glasses for years. Working in low lighting and squinting at computer screens have screwed up my vision. Without them I can’t read. Refusing to pay for prescription lenses I keep buying cheap spectacles at the rate of one...
by waiter | Sep 27, 2006 | Uncategorized
Michael Lynn, the professor at Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration asked me if I’d put this survey for WAITRESSES up on my website. This survey focuses on physical characteristics like age, height, weight, waist size, hip size, bra size, hair color,...
by waiter | Sep 25, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s 3 o’clock. I step inside the Bistro to work my 300th Saturday night. Carrying my dry cleaned uniform over my shoulder I walk around and start saying my hellos. “Hi Maria,” I call out to one of the busgirls. “How’s your...
by waiter | Sep 23, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Do you make Linguini Puttanesca?” “No Madam,” I reply, “We don’t have it on the menu.” “Well,” the lady harrumphs, “The chef made it for me the last time I was here.” God – I hate when customers use...
by waiter | Sep 21, 2006 | Uncategorized
As you may have already figured out, the segment about tipping on this morning’s Today Show got bumped. If it’s scheduled to air another time I’ll let you all know. Television’s a fickle mistress. Bummer.
by waiter | Sep 20, 2006 | Uncategorized
Tomorrow morning, between 7:30 and 8:00 AM I’ll be on NBC’s Today Show. It’s a prerecorded segment that’s part of a larger story about tipping. I’m shot in silhouette so no one will know what I look like. The producers tell me it’ll...
by waiter | Sep 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m in the back having a cup of coffee with Mitzi, our newest waitress. Mitzi’s been toiling in the restaurant/hospitality biz for almost thirty years. Pushing fifty, she’s what we waiters call “a lifer.” “So Mitzi,” I ask....
by waiter | Sep 15, 2006 | Uncategorized
“…and finally we have the rack of wild boar. Sauced with a porcini mushroom demiglaze and served over vegetable risotto, it’s the best dish of the night,” I say, concluding my recitation of the specials. “Wow,” my customer, a portly...
