by waiter | Oct 11, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m drinking coffee in the kitchen watching Louis hyperventilate. It’s a pastime of mine. “Can I get my halibut for table three?” Louis yells. “Like today?” “Relax Louis,” I say. “The food’ll be out in a...
by waiter | Oct 9, 2006 | Uncategorized
“And you sir,” I say, turning to the last customer on my four top, “What will you have this evening?” “I’ll have the Fellatio please,” the man says with a smirk. I glance up from my pad. This guy better be talking about the...
by waiter | Oct 4, 2006 | Uncategorized
My brother and his wife just bought their first house. It’s what real estate agents euphemistically call a fixer upper. The three bedroom Cape’s previous owner had been a heavy smoking cat lover. We discovered nicotine stains in the closets. And the smell...
by waiter | Oct 2, 2006 | Uncategorized
In restaurant parlance a “void” is when management removes an item from a customer’s check. In medical parlance it means urinating or evacuating one’s bowels. I’m in management so it’s all the same to me – taking shit and...
by waiter | Sep 29, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’ve been wearing drugstore reading glasses for years. Working in low lighting and squinting at computer screens have screwed up my vision. Without them I can’t read. Refusing to pay for prescription lenses I keep buying cheap spectacles at the rate of one...
