WARNING! If you’re squeamish, skip this post!
It’s a slow shift and I’m kibitzing in the back with the other servers. It looks like it’s gonna be a dead night.
“So did you see that story about Craigslist on the news last night?” Ryan, one of our new hires asks.
“I did, I reply.”
“What did you think?”
“Say what you want, but I love Craigslist. That’s how I found my roommate.”
“Is your roommate a nut?” Ryan asks, “I heard a lot of the people who use that site are crazy.”
“No. I really lucked out. He’s a great roommate.”
“You are lucky.”Ryan says.
“I did encounter some crazies though. One woman offered me sex in lieu of rent.”
Ryan laughs. “Why didn’t you take her up on it?”
“Never confuse sex and rent,” I reply. “Leads to all sorts of problems.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“There are a lot of kooks on Craigslist,” I admit.
“Yeah,” Ryan says, “Look at the adult section.”
“Something for everybody,” I snort.
“The show talked about people using Craigslist to find dates with pre-operative transsexual escorts,”Ryan says, “Until I that moment I never knew there was such a thing.”
“That’s a rather specialized niche,” I reply, “Just how many preop transsexuals could there be?”
“And hard to find.”
“Well,” I grumble, “You know what Freud said.”
“The only unnatural sexual behavior is none at all.”
“True,” Louis, who’s been listening in on the conversation chimes in. “Tell him about the Furries!”
“Furries? Ryan asks, looking perplexed.
I tell him all about the Furries. Basically they’re people who like to dress up in plush velour mascot outfits and get it on.
“Yuk,” Ryan says, making a face.
“Well,” I chuckle, “Aren’t we’re being a tad judgmental today?”
“Yeah,”Ryan says, “Something’s are just a little too much.”
“The Furries are tame compared to other people,” I say.
“I saw a website where people discuss amputating perfectly good limbs and reattaching them to other parts of their body,” I say, “Places where an arm or leg shouldn’t be.”
“I’ve heard of that,” Ryan says.
I don’t know what’s more frightening. That I know about the site or that Ryan does.
“Sometimes they just lop off an arm or a leg because they think it makes them look better,” I say.
“That’s one way to lose weight,” Louis quips.
“Man,” I laugh, “I don’t think they’ll be advertising that on Weight Watchers. ”
“Didn’t SNL do a skit on that?” Ryan asks. “How did we even get on this topic?” I reply.
“Something about preop tranny escorts and Craigslist,” Louis says.
“Thanks, I forgot. ”
“We better stop this conversation before the customers come in,” Ryan says.
“They’d never stop throwing up if they heard what were talking about,” I reply.
“I just love thinking about sexual reassignment surgery when I’m eating don’t you?” Louis says sarcastically.
“It’s just like splitting a banana Louis,” I say dryly.
Louis grabs his crotch as if in pain. “Ouch man! Why did you have to go and say that?”
“Cause I’m evil?”
The door chimes. Our first customers finally arrive. Good. We’ve had way too much time on our hands. And an idle mind is the devil’s playground.
Later, towards the end of the night, Louis comes up to me.
“Dude, check out table 8,” he whispers.
“What’s the matter?” I reply.
A couple is sitting at table eight. The man’s face has that artificial look that comes from too many facelifts. The odd thing’s that the guy’s younger than me.
“Well the guy’s had some work done,” I whisper back.
“Not the guy,”Louis says, “Look at the girl.”
I look at the woman. I get the strange sensation that I don’t understand what I’m seeing.
“She’s a he,” Louis declares.
“Really?” I say, trying not to stare.
“Look at the Adam’s apple!” Louis says, Look at her hands!”
“Those are mighty big hands,””I admit.
“I’ll bet she’s a preop transsexual,” Louis says.
“You might be right,” I reply, “She could be practicing before they do the surgery.”
“They have to spend a year as a woman before they’ll do the banana split, right?” Louis asks.
Now it’s my turn to wince in pain. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Weren’t we talking about this stuff earlier?” Louis says.
“What are the odds a pre-op would eat here tonight?”
“That’s just too fucking weird,” Louis says.
I look at the woman again and say a silent prayer for her. No matter what you think about her choices – she’s going down a very tough road.
“Stay here long enough Louis,” I sigh, “And the entire world will come through the front door.”
“You gonna write this up on your blog?” Louis asks.
“Maybe,” I reply.
The couple in question finishes their dinner and gets up to leave. I position myself by the front door to wish them a pleasant evening. It’s something I do with all my customers.
“Good night sir,”I say, “And thanks for dining with us this evening.”
“Good night, “the man replies in a squeaky voice.
“And good night Madam. I hope you enjoyed everything.”
“THANKS. EVERYTHING WAS WONDERFUL,”a basso profundo voice replies.
“Please come again,” I say smiling.
I watch the couple as they walk down the street. Yeah, I’ll be writing this one up.
Hmh… and to think you seemed like a decent person who doesn’t like to get judgemental. I’m afraid after this post and your comments about furries, I’ll have to take things read here with a grain of salt.
Sheesh, anonymous, I’m sure you’ve said worse.
I’ve taken things read here with a shaker of salt and I’m still enjoying the hell out of the blog. I’m guessing anonymous is one of those furries for whom sex and fursuits do not go hand in paw. Apparently they get pretty upset when you assume it’s sexual for all of them when in fact the fur-suit humpers are a small subset of the vast furry community.
At last, you know you’ve got something going when the truths revealed in the comments challenge the blog entry itself..
When you say that the pre-op transsexual was “practicing” before her surgery, but I’m guessing that’s not the case.
Someone who is legitimately transsexual- for example, someone willing to make the transition surgical- quite often lives as the gender they wish to be for a large portion of their life. I’ve heard of cases where even small children demand to cross-dress 100% of the time (I’m not talking about dress-up here, but little boys who ask their parents when their penises will be replaced by breasts and vice versa), because for these people, they are honestly and completely in the wrong body. So I’m guessing that instead of “practicing” to be ready for the operation, she’s having the operation to complete the transition she’s already made in so many other ways. Her surgery isn’t the cause of her cross-dressing; both her surgery and her cross-dressing are probably symptoms of a much larger condition.
Of course it could have been a man simply cross-dressing for other reasons but if they were indeed a pre-op transsexual, they are more than likely exhibiting their preferences that correspond to the surgery rather than engaging in some kind of preparation for it.
i have to say, that’s some pretty crazy imagery… little boys wanting breasts where their penises are.
I don’t know but I’m a big biy and I pray for that!
Wow! I actually meant to write big boy, sorry, no pun intended
Your blog is very interresting for me, i will come back here..
You know, the average furry isn’t interested in “getting it on” at all. Those who do are a minority.