“So how you doing Chimo?” I ask during a lull in service.
“I’m great, dude,” my Mexican-American comrade replies. “I got a deluxe blowjob last night.”
“A deluxe blowjob?” I ask. “What’s that?”
“Dude,” Chimo says, looking at me dumbfounded, “You don’t know what a deluxe blowjob is?”
“It comes with fries?” I ask.
“When you get a cheeseburger deluxe at the diner it comes with fries.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Sometimes you also get coleslaw,” I say. Behind me, I hear Jimmy, one of the busboys, cracking up.
“Ha!” Chimo says in the teasing sing song voice of a grade-schooler who knows the meaning of a sexual term before his playmates do. “You don’t know what a deluxe blowjob is.”
I’m going to be forty in a few weeks. I was getting hummers while Chimo still was crapping in his pants. I seriously doubt he knows something about oral sex that I don’t. But to humor him, I ask. “Okay, explain it.”
Chimo gives me his descriptive explanation. I won’t get into it here. Suffice to say it’s sophomoric – and sort of disgusting.
“Thanks,” I said. “Now I’m in the know.”
“I’m telling ya, bro. Deluxe.”
“You still having sex at two hours at a clip?” I ask.
“You know it,” Chimo replies.
We’re silent for a moment.
“Chimo,” I ask. “Do you believe everything that comes out of your mouth?”
“Chupa mi verga,” Chimo replies loudly. I have to admit, the guy’s got a one track mind.
“Lower your voice” I whisper. “What happens if a customer heard you?”
“The gringos here would think ‘chupa mi verga’s’ the pasta special,” Chimo says.
“That’d be funny,” I admit.
“And the dipshits would probably ask for it in a Fra Diavolo Sauce.”
“I wouldn’t put it past them.”
“Of course it’d be perfect with an Alfredo Sauce.”
“Chimo,” I say sternly. “Don’t go there.”