Milk Hormones

Gerald and I are conversing by the coffee station at the start of shift.

“My friend’s daughter’s ten and she’s already menstruating,” he says.

“Ten?” I gasp in surprise, “isn’t that a little early?”

“Unbelievable ain’t it?”

“Man, girls are hitting puberty younger and younger,” I say shaking my head. “When I was a kid girls didn’t start till twelve or thirteen.”

“I read somewhere that all the hormones injected into meat and dairy products have something to do with it,” Gerald replies.

“Ten is too young.”

“They think that in twenty years the onset of menstruation could be around six years old.”

My stomach turns. Children should be allowed to be children. What’s this world coming to?

“And you know some six year old will get pregnant.” I say sadly. “When I worked in health care I saw girls knocked up at twelve.”

“Boggles the mind,” Gerald says dryly.

“At least when I have daughters there’ll be some microchip technology so I can track them,” I say.

“You hope.”

“The second some boy tries something the chip calls my cell phone and delivers him a 10,000 volt shock,” I fantasize.

Think I’m twisted? Talk to any guy who has daughters. They’d install one in a second.

“Good thing they didn’t have that back when you were a teenager,” Gerald laughs.

“Yeah,” I say ruefully, “but back then the girls were teenagers too.”


Mercifully the door chimes, ending our conversation. I walk up to the hostess stand.

Waiting in the entrance is one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.

“Hi,’ she says brightly, “Are you looking to hire a hostess?”

Sometimes a girl is so lovely a guy becomes stupid.

“I certainly hope so,” I reply.

The girl smiles winsomely. A trim brunette, dressed in a professional but sexy outfit, she has a face that could launch a thousand ships. She looks to be about twenty two.

I realize that I’m staring.

“Let me get you an application,” I say yanking myself out of my reverie.


I leave the girl to fill out the paperwork and grab some more coffee.

“Wow!” I say refilling my cup, “She’s cute.”

“Si, si muy bonita,” Maria, the busgirl, says smiling. She knows I’m a happy guy.

Cup in hand, I waltz back over to the hostess stand to see if the girl needs any help.

“All done,” the girl says handing me the form.

“That was fast,” I say looking over the application.

“I’m seventeen. Is that going to be a problem?” the girl asks.

Suddenly I feel some kind of internal portcullis come crashing down.

“You’re how old?” I ask.

“Seventeen. I just graduated high school.”

“High school?” I blurt.

“I’m worried I can’t work in a place that serves liquor until I’m eighteen.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. Seventeen? I was TWENTY when this girl was born.

My face betraying nothing I say, “If you’re only a hostess it’s ok. You just can’t serve alcohol.”

“Oh good,” the girl replies.

We chat a few minutes. She’s looking for a small job before she starts UConn in the fall. I tell her the owner will call her if he has something available.

He won’t. She’s too young for the rough and tumble of our bistro. It would be cruel.

The girl thanks me and departs. Normally I cast an appreciative look when a beautiful woman walks out the door.

Not today.

She’s seventeen for Christ’s sake.

Walking dejectedly back into the kitchen I announce,

“That girl was only seventeen!”

“Really?” Gerald says surprised.


“Must be the hormones in the milk,” he observes.

“Hey – you a dirty old man or what?” Maria adds laughing.

I slowly beat my head against the wall. “Seventeen, seventeen,” I groan.

“I hope her Dad had her microchiped,” Gerald quips.

“Thank a lot New Guy,” I reply.

I just turned thirty seven. I feel old. It’s a sensation I’m experiencing more and more.

Something tells me it’s only going to get worse.

19 thoughts on “Milk Hormones”

  1. Roo says:

    Just go to any High School these days, and guaranteed you’ll find the majority of girls are like that these days…

  2. Toria says:

    Wow, that’s scary and oh so true. At my playgroup, a girl of six started growing leg, underarm hair, and sprouting breasts. At SIX years old! Her parents have her on Lupron, an drug that helps postpone the development. How truly scary this all is. My daughters are 5 and 3 and I hope they don’t develop before their teenage years. Yes, kids need to be kids for as long as possible. The sad thing is they keep saying “When I grow up I’m gonna be….” and I shake my head and mutter under my breath “Enjoy your chance to be a kid!”

  3. Anonymous says:

    I feel your pain Waiter – I just turned 37 myself and am faced with that “old” sensation daily. Pretty soon we will be the ones talking about walking to school, uphill, both ways. Carry on!

  4. Lady Godiva says:

    FYI. 37 was awesome and feels very young right now… it’s all perception, boys. And, maybe good meds. That is, if you can afford healthcare.

  5. Anonymous says:

    hello, i’m a random reader. some of the early development is hormones and whatnot, sometimes its a hormonal disorder…but in a lot of cases it starts early because today’s nutrition is better. years ago it took til 12 or 13 because the body needed that long to get itself in order. with better vitamin and fat intake, the body decides that as soon as it’s capable of supporting a fetus, it should try.

  6. Stacey says:

    I just want to tell you that I love your blog! I’m a waitress, so I understand what you go through every shift. It’s awesome that you make something positive out of it. I tried to start a blog called “waitressing is bad for your mental health”, but it ended up being one long, monotonous rant about how I hate my job and I’m stressed out…But you- you have talent!

  7. wil@theblackjournal says:

    It’s interesting that you talk about the meat and dairy products being injected with stuff. Might or might not affect the growth hormone but the diet playing a part is pretty evident when you compare an American and an Asian, say a Chinese in China (assuming both are in their own country and eat what is typical to their culture). An Asian at the age of 17 would physically look like a kid in comparison to the American at the same age. And most Americans have a lot of meat and dairy in their diet whilst most Asians have a lighter mixed diet. for thought..

  8. HawkOwl says:

    I hear ya… I feel so old, I’ve been saying I’m 42 since I was 26.

  9. Penny says:

    same situation.. but I’m 32 and he’s 17.. oh dear.. oh.. dear….

  10. mikokit says:

    Hey, been reading the archives. I just wanted to mention, on the subject of puberty that I didn’t start until 16. I’m 19 now, and I’ve felt very lucky that I started late (at least, late for America). I knew a girl in fifth grade who had started already, that’s ten years old! I always figured I started late because I don’t like milk, I don’t eat alot of beef, and I hate canned food. I wonder if European countries (which have better food standards) have the same problem?

  11. Caro says:

    Oh totally the reverse for me. I’m 17 and he’s probably 35…sometimes the attraction goes the opposite, just because older men do seem so much more amazing than the ignorant boys that try to call themselves men at age 19. Ugh.

  12. arkanabar says:

    The estrogen is also in the water (thank PPFA for the Pill), in sufficient PPM to cause the salmon to spawn way over 2/3 female.

  13. Erin says:

    speaking as someone who started menstruating at 10, believe me, it wasn’t fun. mikokit, i’m jealous

  14. Kelli says:

    There was a girl who gave birth at 5 years old. Youngest recorded pregnancy ever.

  15. la migra says:

    Remember the BEST thing about turning thirty six is that now girls half your age are no longer off-limits! Enjoy it you perv!

  16. Sarah the Second says:

    My best friend started her period when we were NINE. (she’s Italian–they’re a robust people)

    I’m going to be 20 in 2 days–my boyfriend just turned 34. We were both shocked to find how old the other was when we met. But it works.

  17. the love of one night says:

    One Night Sex,Making friends ,192

  18. Kris says:

    Lol I’ve had that same conversation. An 8 year old girl in a friend’s brownie troupe just started menstrating.


  19. Christina says:

    I started working in restaurants at 15…no one warned me, I just had to grow a thick skin and put up with that shit

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *