by waiter | Feb 22, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s 9:00 PM on a slow Wednesday night. The only customers in the restaurant are a stuck-up looking couple who’ve made it clear they “don’t want to be rushed.” As they chatter and slowly munch their grilled calamari, their entrées are desiccating under a heat lamp in...
by waiter | Feb 9, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s Friday night and I’m finishing the wine liturgy for the Yuppies on table 13. The host, a pretentious bald man wearing expensively layered clothes, grilled me about the wine list. Asking questions designed not to gain knowledge but to showcase his knowledge of...
by waiter | Feb 7, 2008 | Uncategorized
Another busy Saturday night at Café Machiavelli is finally winding down. My biggest table of the evening, a clamorous Italian familia of twenty people, are finishing their desserts. “You drop the check on that table yet?” Willem, the manager, asks me. “Not yet.” “Give...
by waiter | Feb 2, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s been raining heavily all night. Because our wimpy customers are afraid of a little moisture, Café Machiavelli’s been experiencing an abnormally slow Friday night. It’s almost nine o’clock and I haven’t even cleared a hundred bucks. “Oh man,” Paolo, the executive...
by waiter | Jan 28, 2008 | Uncategorized
I was thrilled to hear that Waiter Rant has been nominated for Best Writing of a Weblog at the 2008 Bloggie Awards for the second year in a row. Congratulations to all bloggers nominated for an award and many thanks to all the people who put forward my nomination!...
by waiter | Jan 25, 2008 | Uncategorized
“What was the steak special again?” the birdish uptight lady on table twelve asks. “It’s a sixteen ounce ribeye steak in a cognac peppercorn cream sauce,” I reply. “Can I get the steak without the sauce?” “Of course Madam.” “And how much is the ribeye?” “Thirty-three...
by waiter | Jan 17, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s the tail end of the lunch shift and Café Machiavelli is empty. Josie, the assistant manager, and I are both working double shifts. Taking advantage of the lull in customer traffic we decide to caffeinate our blood streams with several double espressos. Some...
by waiter | Jan 10, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s Wednesday afternoon and I show up to work early. I want to get my prep work out of the way so I can enjoy some quiet time before the customers arrive. During the holiday rush I was taking tables eight seconds after I walked in the door. That’s not good for a...
by waiter | Jan 5, 2008 | Uncategorized
The silver haired gentleman on table 37 is celebrating his fiftieth birthday. His wife, possessing a funereal sense of humor, has decorated the eight top with black helium balloons, black streamers, and a black tablecloth. As I’m trying to take the dessert order the...
by waiter | Dec 30, 2007 | Uncategorized
It’s Christmas Eve and Café Machiavelli is bursting at the seams. Since we’re overbooked the wait time to be seated has crept past the half hour mark. Several customers, upset with the delay, have stormed out in frustration. Christmas cheer is in short supply. The...
