by waiter | Nov 16, 2004 | Uncategorized
Well it seems some knucklehead waiters down in New Orleans wrote themselves a book. They asked me to pitch it and their blog so here goes… The book/blog is called ScamBible. No, its not devotional reading idiot. It’s a manual on how to scam restaurants,...
by waiter | Nov 15, 2004 | Uncategorized
A three top walks in the door. An old woman, face ruined, her hair and makeup arranged in a failed attempt to look thirty. Her daughter, already disintegrating into a younger version of mom, and the daughter’s husband; an Armani clad tortoise shell eyeglass wearing...
by waiter | Nov 13, 2004 | Uncategorized
The door chimes. I look up. Standing in the doorway is a very young, tall, model thin, blonde girl. My face brightens. “How may I help you Miss?” I say welcomingly. “I am here about the hostess position.” she says hopefully. “Ok. Just fill out this application and I...
by waiter | Nov 10, 2004 | Uncategorized
That video camera thing at Starbucks so got under my skin that I wrote them an email expressing my dismay. A few days later I get a reply asking me to call customer service at 1-800-23-LATTE. Soon I’m talking to a very nice woman in Seattle explaining how aggravating...
by waiter | Nov 10, 2004 | Uncategorized
It’s 5:00 pm on Saturday and the joint is filling up fast. I walk outside to grab a quick smoke before all hell breaks loose. Puffing away I spy a spandex clad girl jogging towards me. Ah, I smile inwardly; I’m in for a treat – its Gym Babe. Gym Babe, a tall, twenty...
by waiter | Nov 8, 2004 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow shift. Rizzo and I are sitting in the back drinking coffee and reading the papers. I’ve only been a waiter a few months. The reality of my situation is sinking in.“This job sucks.” I say simply. Rizzo lowers his paper and says, “You think it sucks because...
by waiter | Nov 7, 2004 | Uncategorized
I go into Starbucks to get my pre shift daily fix when I notice a strange plastic object hanging over the register. “What’s that thing?” I ask my nose ringed tattooed hipster barista. “A video camera.” he replies flatly. “A what?” I say incredulously. “A video camera...
by waiter | Nov 5, 2004 | Uncategorized
Got off a few zingers tonight……….. “Waiter is the tiramisu any good?” “Why sir it’s one of our most popular desserts.” “It didn’t ask if it was popular I asked if it was good.” “Well sir if it wasn’t good it wouldn’t be popular.” “Oh……..” What a shithead...
by waiter | Nov 5, 2004 | Uncategorized
I am waiting on a table of three hotties. They flirt, they drink; they’re loud and obnoxious. I keep the happy smile plastered on my face – their check is $300. As they leave I pick up the check and look at my tip. Zero. Zip. Zlich. Nada. I am pissed. The ladies,...
by waiter | Nov 3, 2004 | Uncategorized
Nothing’s worse than training a new waiter. When you’ve been waiting tables a long time most of what you do is unconscious, burned into muscle memory. To stop and actually think about what you’re doing, and then explain it, slows you down big time. The resident...
