by waiter | Dec 17, 2005 | Uncategorized
The woman purses her lips and takes her sweet time perusing the menu. Her husband’s already ordered. The clock ticks. I have other tables to attend to. If she takes any longer roots are going to sprout out of my shoes. “Can I help you make a selection?” I offer...
by waiter | Dec 12, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Uh, I have a problem with table 2,” Kylie says warily. “What kind of problem?” I sigh. We’re in the middle of the holiday insanity and I’m tired. “They want to pay with a gift certificate.” “So?” “They only have the card holder – not the actual card.” “That is a...
by waiter | Dec 7, 2005 | Uncategorized
I bring the filet mignon to table 24. Medium rare, covered with a melted gorgonzola, fried leeks and a simple demiglaze, it’s a work of art perched atop a swirling bed of garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli rabe. If God were an entrée this would be it. I deposit the...
by waiter | Dec 5, 2005 | Uncategorized
Arlene visited the Bistro today. I got to hold her baby girl for the first time. Fluvio took this picture of us with his cell phone. As I was holding her I remembered the lyrics from a U2 song: Freedom has a scent Like the top of a new born baby’s head The songs are...
by waiter | Dec 4, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m walking towards the Bistro. It’s cold out today. I pull my jacket around me, trying to hold in the warm air from my car’s heater. But the surrounding buildings conspire to funnel a biting wind that washes over me. I shiver. I’ll be glad to get inside. Navigating...
by waiter | Dec 1, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Something’s really wrong with table 23,” Saroya says. “What’s the matter?” I ask. “Go over there,” Saroya says grimly. I hustle to the front of the restaurant and find a lone blonde woman sobbing into her martini. I know who this lady is. She and her girlfriend were...
by waiter | Nov 29, 2005 | Uncategorized
Four ladies finish their entrees. After the busgirls clear and crumb the table I bring over the dessert menus. It’s time for me to become the devil. “Ladies,” I say sweetly, “We have some excellent desserts tonight.” “Oh, nothing for me,” Bubbly Blonde replies. “No...
by waiter | Nov 28, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m hiding in the kitchen drinking coffee when one of my customers trespasses and walks in. I hate when people do that. “Sir,” I say warily, “What can I do for you?” “Hi,” the guy says, looking flustered. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.” “If I...
by waiter | Nov 19, 2005 | Uncategorized
Waiter Rant has moved!!!!! Update your bookmarks and your feed links – welcome to the new Waiter Rant, now at www.waiterrant.net New posts will no longer appear at this address, please update your bookmarks, links and feeds!!!!!! Please change your bookmarks and...
by waiter | Nov 18, 2005 | Uncategorized
“It’s our money,” the sister says. “You’re right off course,” the brother says, “But….” “But what?” “Do we have to cut Gus out entirely?” “His life’s been a complete waste,” the sister says, brushing crumbs off the table. “Why should he get part of Mom’s estate?” “He...
