by waiter | Oct 7, 2010 | Uncategorized
I went to the doctor the other day for my post-op follow up. Everything is good, though my blood tests showed some little things that need to be investigated. Nothing serious mind you, just an overabundance of caution on the surgeon’s part. Of course, no one likes to...
by waiter | Oct 6, 2010 | Uncategorized
It’s a crisp autumn afternoon and I’m in a car hunting for parking on the Upper West Side. Unfortunately, finding a spot in this neighborhood is like trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse. Luckily I’m not driving. I’m convalescing you know. “Is that a spot?” my...
by waiter | Oct 4, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m leaving a hibachi place in Paramus, NJ when I see a Mercedes SUV swing into a handicapped spot. Two well-dressed parents with three equally bespoke children walk out of the car and into the restaurant. The adults are slim and in shape and none of the children have...
by waiter | Oct 1, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m laying on an operating table thinking about death. Now I’m just getting my gallbladder taken out. It’s a same day procedure and by nightfall I’ll be home sipping low fat soup and zoned out on Percocet. Or will I? My godfather went in for a routine hip replacement...
by waiter | Aug 17, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m at the cigar shop I patronize when a customer nicknamed Doc asks me a question. “Say I’m in a restaurant and the owner’s serving me.” Doc asks. “Do I tip him?’ “It depends,” I say. “On what?” “If no waiters are working but there’s busboys I’d still leave a tip.”...
by waiter | Aug 10, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m standing by the bar at Roots Steakhouse in Summit, New Jersey waiting for a table. Being a gentlemen I let my date have the only available stool. I’ve already drunk two margaritas so I’m now working on a bottle of Perrier. It’s all about pacing yourself. As I...
by waiter | Jul 29, 2010 | Uncategorized
Hey everybody. If you’ve been trying to visit WaiterRant you’ve noticed that Google has listed my site as “dangerous” and containing malware. As of today the issue has been addressed with a WordPress upgrade and security fixes – so the site is safe. However, it...
by waiter | Jul 26, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m eating a ritzy brunch on the outdoor patio of a ritzy restaurant in a ritzy town. The cars gliding down the ritzy street are all new and expensive and the ladies at the next table are wearing ritzy shoes that cost more than what regular folks make in a month. Even...
by waiter | Jun 22, 2010 | Uncategorized
It’s a hot June afternoon and I’m travelling downstate with my joint custody dog Buster to meet a friend. But as I zip down the highway I realize I’m feeling tired so I decide to visit the biggest pusher of psycho-stimulant substances in the world – Starbucks. Let’s...
by waiter | May 7, 2010 | Uncategorized
I’m taking my joint custody dog Buster for his morning constitutional when he spots a woman standing in the street waiting for the bus. Being territorial he races towards the woman causing her to emit a loud scream. “Are you okay Miss?” I ask. Since Buster’s on a...
