by waiter | Aug 6, 2015 | Uncategorized
“The answer is no.” “What’s your problem?” my wife said, exasperated. “This house is great!” “The oil tank’s rusted, the yard will flood, the layout is weird, and the kitchen’s from the 70’s. Besides the school system sucks.” The realtor trailing us, a flaky fiftyish...
by waiter | Dec 13, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m at the Laundromat with my daughter washing her clothes. As Natalie sits in her car seat playing with her doll, I think for the hundredth time how I have to buy a house. My own washer and dryer would be nice. “Hey lady,” a loud voice booms out of sight. “I want a...
by waiter | Dec 6, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m driving to work when my wife calls me on my cellphone. Answering using the hands free gizmo my car is immediately filled with the wails of a crying baby. “Natalie burned herself,” my wife says, choking back tears. “How?” “I was in the kitchen,” Annie says,” I...
by waiter | Nov 22, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’ve been floated up to the geriatric psych ward and I’m not happy. When I was younger I didn’t sweat working with old people. Back then old age and death seemed impossibly far away. Now, with my fiftieth birthday in sight, the demented elderly chattering around me...
by waiter | Nov 20, 2014 | Uncategorized
It’s five-thirty and I’ve just finished the lovely sandwich my wife made for me when Hakim sticks his head in the break room. “Can you do me a favor?” the young nurse asks. “Sure.” “You know that new patient in 308?” “He’s been in bed all day.” “He came in...
by waiter | Nov 6, 2014 | Uncategorized
If you’ve ever waited tables, at some point in your nocturnal life, you’ve had a “waiter dream.” These nightmares usually share common thematic elements; you’ve got a hundred customers who all hate you, the restaurant’s layout is bizarrely different, the menu’s a...
by waiter | Nov 2, 2014 | Uncategorized
Having a baby has made 2014 a year of firsts so, when Halloween rolls around, my wife and I get into gear. After dressing Natalie up as Snow White we run over to an arts and crafts store, hit up Target for candy and go home to decorate our front porch. “If you don’t...
by waiter | Oct 31, 2014 | Uncategorized
I’m on the checkout line in the supermarket when a teenaged boy comes up to me with an extra large carton of eggs. “Excuse me, sir.” he says. “Could you buy these eggs for me?” My shopping cart is loaded with stuff. “You have one thing.” I say. “You can go ahead...
by waiter | Oct 28, 2014 | Uncategorized
“Stephen, dear,” Connie says. “Please refill my ice water.” I don’t even look up from my chart. “Connie, the water machine is right over there. You’re perfectly capable of getting it.” “I’m too old. Be a nice young man and get me my water. A cup of tea...
by waiter | Oct 27, 2014 | Uncategorized
It’s 7:00 PM and I’m tired so I go into the staff room and brew a pot of coffee. Within minutes the smell of java fills the nurse’s station. Normally I take it black but, as I’ve gotten older, I like it with milk and sugar in the evenings. After fixing my cup I sit at...
