by waiter | May 17, 2018 | Uncategorized
When I walked into the endodontist’s office his receptionist said, “Welcome back Mr. Dublanica.” “There’s no ‘Welcome back’ when you come to the endodontist,” I said. “What you should say is,’ You screwed up and now you’re going to pay!’” “I’m sorry,” she said....
by waiter | May 15, 2018 | Uncategorized
“Root canal,” the dentist said. “Aw shit,” I said. “Let me call the endodontist. Maybe he can fit you in today.” “Okay.” Sitting in the chair, I gingerly touched my bicuspid and was rewarded with a stabbing jolt of pain. Two weeks ago, the dentist filled it and...
by waiter | May 8, 2018 | Uncategorized
“There’s a ghost in my room,” my daughter wailed from her bedroom. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and walked into Natalie’s room, figuring this was just another ploy to stay up longer. “Where’s the ghost?” I said. “There,” Natalie said, pointing to the wall. “This?” I...
by waiter | Mar 13, 2018 | Uncategorized
A couple of days ago I was watching my old dog sleeping on his bed. In canine years, Buster must be well over a hundred. Blind and mostly deaf, he is no longer able to traverse the stairs and spends of most his time sleeping in one room – his world getting...
by waiter | Jan 24, 2018 | Uncategorized
Last Saturday I was in a townie bar watching my wife do her standup comedy routine. I didn’t like the tavern at all. When I went to get a beer the bartender, who seemed overwhelmed by the simplest of orders, gave me $11 in change after I paid for a Pabst Blue Ribbon...
by waiter | Jan 22, 2018 | Uncategorized
“Gee this is really fancy,” a parent said to me. “Yeah,” I said, surveying the hangar sized childrens’ museum where we were holding my daughter’s fourth birthday party. “When I was a kid my mom made a cake from the box and we played pin the tail on the donkey.”...
by waiter | Jan 17, 2018 | Uncategorized
A couple of days ago I was watching a TV show called Lucifer. The premise is that Satan, bored of running Hell, decamps to Los Angeles and becomes a consultant for the LAPD. Of course, he’s a scoundrel, speaks with an English accent and runs a debauched nightclub when...
by waiter | Jan 9, 2018 | Uncategorized
As social services director for my town, the holidays are my busiest time of year. We hold a Thanksgiving food drive, an “Adopt a Family” program where we anonymously match up client needs’ lists with willing donors and run a toy drive. I start preparing in August;...
by waiter | Nov 21, 2017 | Uncategorized
Many years ago, I was walking towards the entrance of the urban hospital where I worked and found a tremendous pool of blood on the sidewalk. After I got over the shock of finding such gore I noticed a blood trail and decided to follow it. It led to the emergency...
by waiter | Oct 24, 2017 | Uncategorized
After sitting for almost three hours in a movie theatre I needed to take a wicked leak. So, while the movie’s credits were still rolling, I gathered up my car keys, an empty gallon sized cup of Diet Coke, my cane and hobbled towards the men’s room. I fractured the...
