Ask the Waiter – Are you a Liar?

Hi Waiter:

I’ve been reading your blog for some time now as well as other waiter blogs and I do have a new appreciation.

Have you ever lied to a customer? Have you ever served a customer something other than what they specifically ordered? For example – if a customer orders decaf (and apparently this is a big pain in the butt) have you given the customer regular coffee and claimed it was decaf? Or has a customer asked if some ingredient was in the meal, such as pepper, mushrooms or onions – perhaps claiming allergies – have you lied about those ingredients being in the dish ( I happen to be friends with two people who are severely allergic to pepper and onions – me – I just do not like mushrooms and if I can have them removed I appreciate it but I do not claim allergies)?

Just wondering, because on another waiter blog I’ve read, the waiter did serve caffeine coffee when it was specifically requested that decaf be served – why? because he didn’t like the attitude of the customer. Then this guy tries to blog about how good a waiter he is.

Nope – he’s a liar.

Sign me – wondering if wait staff are liars.

Dear Wondering:

Possessing a Ted Bundyesque ability to lie with a straight face is a prerequisite for being a waiter. Haven’t you noticed that many waiters are actors?

Have I ever given a customer regular instead of decaf? Only if they deserved it! “Give me 10% you bastard? Sweet dreams!) Usually, however, the opposite is the case, I give people decaf and tell then it’s regular. At the end of the night, when the staff is cleaning up the kitchen, I’ll put on a pot of decaf and tell the remaining customers it’s whatever they want it to be. Besides, half my customers are consume a pharmacy worth of prescription medications daily. The last thing they need is caffeine.

Allergies? Even though I know half the customers are lying to me about food allergies so they can get the chef to change an entrée, I always take then at their word. The last thing I need is a customer getting an emergency tracheotomy in my section. Food allergies are nothing to mess with.

Here are some other lies and half truths I’ve told……….

1. Why yes sir, I used diet tonic water for your Tanqueray 10 and Tonic. (Diet tonic water? WTF?)

2. How old do I think you are? Why madam, you don’t look a day over 33.

3. The fish was delivered today.

4. We’re out of risotto tonight.

5. I happily married madam, now please take your hands off my unit.

6. Yes, the desserts are made on the premises. (I don’t tell that fib anymore.)

7. The chef preparing your dinner tonight is from Tuscany. (By way of El Salvador.)

8. Here you are sir, one dry Ketel One martini. (It’s actually Grey Goose. We were out of Ketel One. Hey, I still used premium vodka.)

9. No madam, the fish isn’t frozen. (At least not now!)

10. I have no reservations available.

11. That table’s reserved. (It isn’t. I just don’t like your attitude.)

12. Your credit card’s having some difficulty. Do you have another?

13. Your children are adorable.

14. Yes madam. I love working here.

15. No sir, I don’t control the air conditioning.

16. The owner isn’t in.

17. Yes sir, the customer’s always right.

18. Yes, the cheese was made from the milk of happy cows that roam free on verdant green pastures. (Right before we kill them!)

19. It was a pleasure serving you.

51 thoughts on “Ask the Waiter – Are you a Liar?”

  1. Julie says:

    Tonic water has a huge amount of sugar in it, so, if someone’s on a restricted sugar diet telling them you gave them diet and then not doing it isn’t too much better than not honoring a food allergy request.

  2. G33kGrrly says:

    Diet anything with alcohol is kind of silly, given the sugar content in most liquors.

    On the flip side though, one of my favorite regulars at one of my old bars was intensely allergic to whatever is used as a sugar substitute in diet soda.
    Fortunately for him, he could generally taste the difference before any damage was done, but he told me he has a lot of close calls.

  3. Caro says:

    There is diet tonic water out there…but hey it’s just one drink, come on! I tell white lies at work all the time, it’s the only way you’ll get a terrible customer to F@#$ off and leave you alone.

  4. bec says:

    Bah, restricted sugar diet! most people wouldn’t be drinking alcohol if this was the case

  5. jo says:

    I have absolutely given regular to a decaf customer. She came in every week, requested me for some ungodly reason, let her kids act like heathens, sent her food back with a high percent of regularity, and tipped $2 on $35 every time.
    And every time, she would screech “and make sure it’s decaf!! I can taste the difference when it’s not!”
    Apparently not, lady.

    1. c says:

      i quite frequently give decaf when regular is requested, especially when another person asks for decaf

  6. Norton says:

    I personally did my best not to serve caffinated coffee to people who requested decaf. There are a few medical conditions and types of medication which can cause heart problems to people who consume caffeine (or at least if they consume too much).

    However, I’d often do the opposite and serve decaf when they requested regular. Firstly, it was usually wasteful to have two kinds of coffee brewing, especially late at night. I’d often end up with two half-ful cold carafes. Instead, I’d just brew decaf and call it whatever the customer wanted. Of course, it also cut down on cleaning time after closing, since one carafe and every brewer except one was already clean.

  7. catastrophegirl says:

    serving me decaf instead of regular could actually cause a medical emergency, hehe. so i don’t drink coffee unless i make it myself most of the time. i’m a type I diabetic and caffeine raises my blood sugar so i have to take insulin to cover it. taking insulin and not getting caffeine could make me dangerously hypoglycemic.

    but since i never know just how much caffeine is in any particular bean/brand of coffee unless i am used to it, i generally skip the coffee in a restaurant to avoid problems either way.

  8. Rose says:

    Serving regular instead of decaf to my fiance’s mother would cause her heart problems. That’s one thing I don’t think, no matter how jerky the customers are, you should do. There’s way too many medical issues out there related to food products, so if someone asks for decaf, they may very well NEED decaf.

  9. Mike says:

    I once worked in a deli, and had to lie all the time. “Is the corned beef fresh?”…customers don’t know that corned beef is pickled for weeks.

    My favorite was smoked fish. Someone would ask for a smoked fish chub, and when I’d remove it from the display case and present it to them the person would look at it and say “Oh, that’s too dry. Can you give me a fresher one from the back?” “With pleasure”, I would say, asI went to the back cooler…the fish still in hand.

    Inside the cooler we kept a pan of vegetable oil that was brushed on layers of hand-cut belly lox. I’d brush a very thin layer of this oil on both sides of the fish – just enough to give it a sheen – and come back to the customer with the same fish. Invariably they would approve of this fish as being much improved.

  10. Liz says:

    Once I watched a bus boy serve coffee refills to a table of twelve, asking each guest in turn, “regular or decaf?” before filling their cup. Not one of them noticed that he only had the one pot (of decaf).

  11. Enlightened says:

    Wow! After reading all these confessions, I think I’ll start saving my money and dining out, NEVER! Waiters are a bunch of lying sons-o-b*tches! Thanx for the warning guys!

  12. scorpio5150 says:

    At the airport bar I worked at we would always run out of Bud Lt. when we got delays or during the holidays. I would let the servers know we were out and they would still send in orders for Bud Lt. Well I would just fill up their orders with bud instead. Not once in 3 years did anyone tell the difference.

    Here’s a trick that I would use on customers that kept insisting that I was not pouring a full shot into their drinks. We had posi-pours on our bottles that would measure out one shot (I hate these things). I would just stop the pour half-way through and then pour another half shot. The guys (always they were guys never women) would think I gave them an extra shot. The best part they would tip 20%+ from then on. A win-win.

  13. Mordecai says:

    “Serving regular instead of decaf to my fiance’s mother would cause her heart problems.”

    If that is so, she should avoid even ‘decaf’ as it isn’t entirely caffeine free.

  14. scorpio5150 says:

    One time working at a Sports Bar a lady came in a ordered a glass of merlot. She also stated she wanted our best merlot. Hello we are a Sports Bar!!! we only have one kind of merlot and it probably runs for $3.99 a bottle at grocery store. Well it happens we were out of it that night. The other bartender asked me what we should do? I said give her a glass of the cabernet we have, she (the other bartender) thought I was nuts. I said she, the customer, would never know the difference. Well guess who won that bet??? The customer stated (her words) “This is the best Merlot I have ever had!” WOW!!! This just goes to show you, never pretend to be a wine snob in a SPORTS BAR!!! P.T. Barnum was correct there is a sucker born every second. Another quote comes to mind here, “A fool and their money will soon departe.”

  15. Link says:

    I do lie about decaff. I lie about reservations. I lie about the kitchen being closed, and all the other regfular lies that waiters tell. My favorite lie is:
    -“Is the calamari fresh?”
    -“Yes mam, calamari cannot be frozen, so we have it delivered daily.”

  16. Ken says:

    I lie about what coffee I’m serving all of the time. One night when the owner and GM were out and it was just basically the chef watching over the place he told us to not fuck up on his watch, but he didn’t care what we did as long as it didn’t come back to him. I decided to just make one large pot of decaf, and serve it as regular, and decaf. People can’t tell the difference the second that they drink it, and if they are really taking drinking it for the extra pep, just take a few no-doze like every other waiter out there.

  17. HyattServer says:

    The bigest lie that is told to customers is
    I’m sorry Sir the kitchen lost your ticket and your entree will be out in 5 minutes. Of course I would forget to fire the ticket but I would also tell the kitchen they took one for me.

  18. Sarah the Second says:

    ‘Enlightened’–waiters don’t lie because they’re malicious a-holes. They lie because customers like YOU are malicious a-holes who need to shut the fuck up. I do, however, appreciate honesty from waitstaff. Just sayin’.
    (of course I also don’t ask dumbass questions. Want fish that’s caught daily? Don’t go to IHOP, douche)

  19. Becktron2000 says:

    On the regular/decaf issue, I worked with a girl who would pour half regular/half hot water when we were out of decaf. When I finally noticed what she was doing, she claimed that she had never known the difference, nor had anyone ever said anything to her. She had worked there for years before I had even started. I hope no one ever had complications!

    Anyway, other good lies I like to use:
    “I’m waiting tables to put myself through law school.”
    When someone asks about a cocktail – “Oh I wouldn’t know personally, I don’t drink.”

  20. dave says:

    I’m surprised at how well some of these work on people. Maybe I just have a good palate but I can tell the difference between Diet Coke and regular Coke. Many people claim to not taste a difference but to me the difference is like water and vodka. I can easily tell the difference between “my” beer and anything else. I know right away if I’ve been served Bud Light by mistake. Everyone I know that drinks beer regularly can tell the difference between their beer and any other. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors Light – they all have distinctive flavors. It’s also easy to spot the difference between the “light” and regular versions. The regular just feel much heavier in my stomach.

    As for coffee, I can tell within half-a-cup if it’s regular or decaf. Because I don’t drink it on a regular basis, my heart will start to beat faster and I’ll start to get a bit hyped up.

    I pulled a lot of same things when I waited tables but I’m not afraid to ask the waiter to have the bartender re-pour it because “I think he might have accidentally pulled on the wrong one”. Many times, the waiter will come back with a line about being out of draft so he’ll bring me a bottle for the draft price. That’s when I know the “mis-pour” was intentional. Which reminds me of the old trick I’ve seen in several restaurants where the remnants of several kegs are mixed together. This is why I almost always ask for bottled beer.

  21. Tanya says:

    It’s almost 5 in the morning, and I’m still awake because a waitress gave me a caffeinated coffee tonight instead of a “grain coffee” I ordered (which has no caffeine whatsoever and the restaurant features on its menu). As hard as it is for me to believe in hindsight, I couldn’t taste the difference. Now, I am in hell and my day today and probably tomorrow will most likely be ruined and this is a time in my life where I can’t afford to be unproductive. Please, waiters and waitresses, have mercy and don’t do this to people. This is hell. Absolute hell.

  22. Thea says:

    Hey – to the chud above who said he served full strength But instead of Bud Light – what if someone you served was DRIVING? What if they knew their limit was 2 or 3 light beers and instead you served them 3 full strength ones? You could be responsible for all kinds of carnage. What a jerk.

  23. Aapje says:

    I understand that you need to tell a white lie sometimes, but I don’t think it’s right to lie about the food you’re serving. If the customer wants to know whether the fish is fresh, tell him if it ain’t. Why defraud your customers? I do think that it is acceptable to tell customers you have no more regular coffee when you don’t want to serve it, but that is the limit.

    PS. Sarah, did you take your medication?
    PS2. What waiters don’t see is what they do to people like Tanya. I hope karma bit that waitress back with some late customers.

  24. Milander says:

    @Scorpio “At the airport bar I worked at we would always run out of Bud Lt. when we got delays or during the holidays. I would let the servers know we were out and they would still send in orders for Bud Lt. Well I would just fill up their orders with bud instead. Not once in 3 years did anyone tell the difference”.

    What did you expect? You’re serving American beer! Even worse than Canadian beer for lack of flavour (and most Americans would agree with me too).

  25. Golden Phoenix says:

    Tanya wrote on 12/1/08 at 6:07 am :

    It’s almost 5 in the morning, and I’m still awake because a waitress gave me a caffeinated coffee tonight instead of a “grain coffee” [snip] As hard as it is for me to believe in hindsight, I couldn’t taste the difference.

    I have to ask (as a non coffee drinker but a cola caffine addict) if you couldn’t taste anything wrong, how do you know the server definitely gave you the wrong coffee rather than perhaps you just having a random bout of insomnia or something? It certainly happens to me sometimes, even when i’ve been off the caffine for several days. (Usually because i’m too skint to afford soda)

  26. Sammy says:

    We lie because you’re all assholes not worth the trouble. “I could die; Caffine keeps me up; I can tell the difference; blah blah blah blah.” GO DIE. Treat us like shit; we’ll treat you worse. Lifes tough, get a helmet. Assholes.

  27. amayabrianna says:

    sometimes waiters do lie and of course it shouldnt be done. but on the other hand if customers wouldnt ask stupid questions or demand impossible things we would be more accomadating (sp?) to those that do have special request. i personally hae never served reg as decaf but have the other way around, and i also try my best to fill “allergy” request even though most of them are bs. but when you have a customer that claims they cant haver salt on something (usually just to make sure its fresh) and then puts salt on it, it kinda makes you feel that all the other people are lying to you too. i serve a lot of people everyday and i feel that the customers are the reason that the servers have attitudes etc… for example a lot of my customers will ask what salad dressings or side dishes we offer when there are clearly and bodly marked sections on the menu that say dressings or sides. just read the menu and dont ask stupid questions and you will have a better dining experience. and NEVER assume that your server is going to mess up, you dont know how good of a server they are. like people who ask if your pouring them decaf coffee when the coffee pot says decaf on it in bright orange letters….come on people

  28. ErinM says:

    On dollar draft night in a college town, I would often come to tables bearing identical pints of beer. I would hold each glass up to the light, nod sagely and say, “This one’s Bud… And here’s your Miller Lite…” Right. They look the same and taste the same, and none of my frat boys ever knew the difference.

    And many, many, many late night customers got decaf no matter what they asked for. I’ve even poured half the decaf into a regular pot and brought both out to refill cups.

  29. Kat says:

    the more I read this blog the less I want to tip, I always tip well, but now I feel guilty for perpetuating this attitude of entitlement/god complex some of you severs seems to have about what is acceptable service. Intentionally screwing up an order? Oh I love the server who moments arts pointing out most customers are lying says don’t you dare assume what kind of server I am, yes let’s stop making assumptions all round shall well? If I order regular coffee and youserve me decaf because your to lazy to get a new pot, wow… And you mororns think customers are cheap

  30. Kiri says:

    I have overly sensitive tastebuds or something so I can always taste alcohol in my food, pepper, the difference between cokes (pepsi etc) and coffee. It’s really annoying but when I’m out I don’t bother asking about any except the pepper because I can cope with the rest. I don’t mind if they lie because tbh, sometimes it’s easier to tell the customer what they want to hear 🙂

  31. Audrey says:

    I love Gin & Tonic but am aware that very few people carry diet tonic water. As a diabetic, if I was lied to about the tonic it would cause me huge issues. If I ask, I always say “i’m diabetic, is there any chance you have diet tonic? if not, that’s ok”

    Diet soda is not always for weight concious people – often, it’s a very serious thing to slip someone regular instead of diet. With cola I can taste the difference, with tonic, I can’t. I need to trust the person serving me.

  32. not quite a watress says:

    I worked in a McDonalds for close to seven years through high school and collage, the store manager refused…flat out refused to order decaf coffee. For years we would have to brew regular coffee in decaf pots because we would get in trouble if we said we were out of decaf. I felt bad as I served that coffee, but I needed my job.

  33. MoreAndAgain says:

    My brother was a busboy at the last restaurant I worked at, and one of our customers actually asked him if the water in the glass was tap water. My brother’s reply: “it’s actually from our special water dispencer.” Yeah. . . the faucet!lol.

  34. Mel says:

    I am not a coffee drinker. But. I can most certainly taste the difference between Coke and Diet Coke. I can tell the difference between Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi. I do not order Diet Coke because I’m fat. I order Diet Coke because that is what I prefer to drink. I prefer the taste of it. Please don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining. I worked in a restaurant and served people what they ordered! Why would you be a jerk and serve someone something they did not order, when that customer was perfectly polite, saying “please” and “thank you” the entire time? As a tipper, I ALWAYS start at 20%. If you SERIOUSLY screw up my order (especially on a special occasion)–I will deduct the tip from 20% accordingly. If you do a great job, it escalates from 20%. The best tip I’ve ever left was 35% on a very high check for a VERY HIGH level of service. I LOVE tipping high. Please give me a reason!

  35. Shocked says:

    I always tip over 20% and never gave anyone a hassle. Slightly burnt, no big deal. No silverware, I’ll wait and ask when you come back and I don’t deduct from the tip for honest mistakes. When I find a good restaurant I go back regularly and they know me. If the waiter doesn’t enjoy waiting on me then odds are I won’t enjoy the meal. I can tell if the waiter is having a bad day and I don’t give them a hard time if they take longer. It seems like common sense to me. But I sometimes get regular caf when I order decaf in the evening at other places like starbucks and dunkin donuts which isn’t an issue with wait staff but it is still the food industry. I googled it to see how often this happens to other people and found this blog where apparently people working in the food industry are posting messages that show real sociopathic tendencies.

    And now that has got me kind of worried… if you have a bad day are you going to take it out on random customer X because customers are customers and if that guy was a jerk all the other ones are too? Please get into a different line of work. Human lives are affected in ways you may not realize – allergies, poisonings, or even just insomnia – can lead to someone falling asleep later on the road or just otherwise being unable to perform their job safely. What if that person was the pilot flying the plane you’re on? Would you screw with their body then? Not if you knew – but you don’t know do you? Holy cow.

  36. Jordan says:

    Thea is very wrong there…. “Light” on beers, does NOT mean alcohol content! Light is for calories contained in the beer.

    1. Jimbob Jones says:

      I realize this is an 8-year-old post, and you’ll never see it, but you couldn’t be more wrong.

      Light beer has about 2% alcohol. Regular beer has 5% (or more — for the sake of argument, we’ll talk “American mass-produced”). The calorie decrease is from removing the sugars which are what turns into alcohol to begin with.

  37. Chai Cham says:

    okay after reading a few comments – quite a few actually but not all; everyone reading just has to realize something, two wrongs don’t make a right. We all know the saying, but for some reason we don’t give a shit, or rather YOU don’t give a shit. Okay MAYBE the customer WAS an ass to you that night.Doesn’t mean YOU have to be an ass. America AND Canada prides themselves and look and respect those who are ethical and humble (obviously everyone makes mistakes) For example; trying to win an intellectual argument of political views by calling the other person FAT and UGLY isn’t right and it’s basically what is happening here. Okay the customer was an asshole, but the service is what brings the customer back just as much as the food does at times. I’ve said this in the past on this blog and I will repeat here – If you are in the industry as a waiter/waitress (this is obviously to the general and not the exceptions for unforeseen circumstances you are waiting tables) you will always have shitty customers (hope its not “always” and will eventually stop) If you can’t handle the shitty customers ETHICALLY by not spitting in their food and not lying about which coffee is which then you shouldn’t be in it and just get out and look for something else to do. (okay… MAYBE it’s alright if the person was just a TOTAL dick throughout the night sending back the same dish 10 times, and/or complaining he paid too much for a salad he gobbled up with his wife) okay i lied, there are exceptions. But customers will love the waiter who doesn’t fuck around with their food and will FOR THE MOST PART come back in the future. (and hopefully tip adaquetly)

  38. AmandaBBMcGee says:

    A customer will believe anything you tell them. If you are confident about your lies or truth, they believe you. I told many customers for over a year that a certain brewery was local, because I was too lazy to look it up, and just finally checked it out and found out it was from CA. I live in PA. Everyone believed me. Customers don’t know, they just want to look like they do

  39. Melly White says:

    Man, after reading these posts I don’t want to tip anything any more. If you are out of decaf, fine, but why can’t you just say so? If you have a pot of decaf and don’t want to make a fresh pot of the caffeinated stuff, fine, just say so. Same with coke/diet coke, anything else. It’s not that big of an issue. Lying is, though. If you lie about that chances are you are scamming in other areas, too.

    The vast majority of customers I deal with are very pleasant, decent people. I’ve noticed, over the years, the people who constantly complain about arsehole customers are the ones that cope and attitude to being with.

    You get what you give out, in life, and if you give out shit don’t be surprised to cop it back.

  40. abby says:

    I think people need to just calm down! Do you really believe that a waiter has never lied to you!! Come on folks let’s be honest here (and I am a waitress and yes I have lied to customers before) waiters are in a service industry that the money they make depends solely on how happy you are at the end of the meal! If you ask stupid questions then get pissed because the honest answer isn’t what you want to hear and you deduct from our tips anyway what is going to make us want to tell the truth! As to the whole decaf/regular coffee thing. I will give a customer who hasn’t for regular, decaf if its towards the end of the night and it would be a waste of money to brew a whole new pot for one customer who will only drink one cup. Now if I have a big party where several people want regular, I’ll brew a new pot and ask for a few minutes of their patience but if it’s only one person, screw that they can get decaf because it’s not them that’s going to get chewed out by the owner because they threw out a whole pot of regular coffee. I will never though, give a person who requests decaf, regular. Simply because of the health issues that can be caused. I can’t switch regular and diet pop either because most people can taste the difference with that. With the food allergy, I take anything that someone says as a food allergy very seriously even if I think they are lying for the same reason Waiter said. I don’t want to think someone’s lying to actually have them telling the truth then all of a sudden you’re dialing 911 because they are having a severe allergic reaction.

  41. Amanda says:

    I think both sides of the argument have valid points. (I’m a server and have been for about 5 years)

    I agree, when it comes to what you serve, you absolutely should not lie. If a customer orders decaf, give them decaf. If they order regular, give them regular. If we’re out of a particular type, I usually tell them it will be a minute (c’mon guys it takes a pot of coffee like 2 minutes to brew) but then add with a smile “You’ll get nice hot FRESH coffee” and that usually shuts up the assholes who want to whine about waiting two minutes.

    I understand some managers may get shitty with you for brewing a new pot of coffee five minutes before close. However, if telling them that Customer X wanted it isn’t enough, you have a larger problem than coffee. You most likely work in an badly run restaurant and should start looking for employment elsewhere immediately.

    However- customers, understand it is nearly impossible to be honest with you ALL the time. Especially with the ridiculous questions you ask that aren’t (or shouldn’t be) related to the dining experience. Examples (yes, I have been asked all of these more than once):

    “Do you have a boyfriend?” Um, now I do.
    “Well, are you like, serious, and like, married?” I really need to purchase a fake wedding ring.
    “Do you have any tattoos?” What?
    “Do you like working here?” Like I’m going to say no?
    “Do you usually make pretty good money?” Bad question… I HATE it when customers ask me about money or when they joke about not tipping me. Would you like it if your boss joked about not giving you your paycheck? Maybe it’s just my pet peeve, but ugh.
    “How does your father feel about you working here?” Um, what? It’s a restaurant, not a strip club…
    “So what are your real plans in life?” Even though I actually am working may way through school, I know and respect several career servers, so this question irritates me.
    “So is the kitchen clean? I heard blah blah” Um, if I tell you our kitchen has mouse traps in it and some spots haven’t been cleaned in years and you complain to the manager to get a free meal, I could very well get fired. So… yes,it’s SPARKLING.

    Questions like that are what turn career servers into career liars. Now customers please feel free to question the professional server about what they are serving you and they should try to ensure that they get you accurate answers. Anything else… I just wouldn’t bother asking. Remember, we work for the restaurant and prefer to keep our jobs.

  42. Tracy says:

    “1. Why yes sir, I used diet tonic water for your Tanqueray 10 and Tonic. (Diet tonic water? WTF?)”

    Yes, there is sugar in tonic. Yes, if you’re diabetic you probably shouldn’t drink much alcohol, but having a diet mixer is much better than a full-octane sugared mixer with alcohol. Diabetics are people, too, and sometimes like to enjoy a drink or two.

    If you don’t have what I want, that’s fine. I won’t take it out of your tip since I very much doubt you’re the person who does the ordering. But don’t lie to me.

    Reading this honestly makes me want to just order water out from now on. But does that mean you guys will just dip it out of the toilet and tell me it’s from a faucet?

  43. Two way street says:

    I have worked in the service industry for over ten years. Never, in my life, have I ever worked in a location where the guests were as manipulative and dishonest as my present location. That is to say, I have worked in high end resorts all over the world. The problem is, in this location (which I will not name), the guests have enough money to purchase the Rolls or Maserati out front… but just barely. They have money but are still overcompensating. So, what I am getting at is that the guest will do whatever they can to prove they are right– meaning writing letters to corporate and getting you fired– the guest does not care a damn about the waiter, whether they are putting themselves through college or whether or not they have a family to support. The bottom line… all they care about it themselves and that they are right.

    In general, I will not lie to the guest. However, I never trust the guest. Just about the only thing I am guilty of is using decaf instead of regular. Yet, when it comes time for refills, I will take the decaf pot to the table and then return with the same pot to refill the regular guests. Seriously– how can you trust a guest when they do the following:

    1. “I am allergic to….” Really? Are you really allergic or do you not like certain things. The best allergy was being allergic to all types of oil. Really? How can you be alive? I looked it up- sure you can be allergic to certain types (like peanut or canola), but ALL? Really? furthermore, they say they are allergic but then when you tell them there is butter in the mashed potatoes they are suddenly not allergic. Really?

    2. “You are the best server we ever had…” and then they leave you 5%. Was the compliment supposed to be the tip?

    3. “I need to sit somewhere close— I can’t really walk.” Yet, when you are sat close, that means they are not on the water so you argue that you must sit by the water that is down several steps and much much farther. Can you walk or not?

    I have daydreamed of creating a comic strip illustrating restaurant the type of clients in this area:

    1. An old lady pulls up to taco bell and orders a burrito with no sauce, no salt, no bread, very very hot… how would that go over?

    2. At the front desk in the restaurant, the guest is not greeted with a host. Instead, the computer seating chart is turned around whereas the guest can choose whatever table they want. Why have hosts when you are going to argue to sit wherever you want anyway?

    And finally, a few things not to ask or say:

    1. Just don’t ask if I am going to school. You really don’t care anyway. The last thing I want to do is make you look stupid when I am relying on your tip. I am often asked what I am majoring in and from there I try to change the subject. Dining is not a free for all about the waiters life. One couple in particular started asking specifics. The woman asked me if I had heard of a specific individual who practiced what I am studying. Of course I had. She shouldn’t have assumed that her waiter was an idiot and pushed because she soon found out that maybe she wasn’t as smart as she thought.

    2. Don’t ask for the phone number of the waiter so that when you are up at 3am you can call to wake them up because they gave you regular coffee. First off, decaf does have caffeine in it. Second, I gave you decaf regardless of what you asked for. Third, I have heard any and every line you can possibly think of.

    3. Don’t try to make a joke about my name. Yes, every name rhymes with something. Yes, every name has been used in a movie or story. You are not funny.

    There are many people on this website that have complained that the waiters are distrustful and shouldn’t be in this business. As a guest, if you are that manipulative just stay home. Dining is an experience and when the waiter and the guest are positive both parties win. Dining is a two way street.

  44. Decin_Iowa says:

    As a server I would never lie to my customers. I am loyal to my customers as they are the ones who pay my bills!!!
    I’ve had owners tell me to say the beef is grass fed or the fish wild not farmed and I always tell the customers the truth!
    NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PROFESSION do it with some pride! If you hate your job find another but whatever you do, do it well!

  45. Tera says:

    I fed a bunch of Muslims non-halal (kosher) turkey breakfast sausage…worked the morning shift for months thinking it was cool…oops….someone said they don’t go to hell if they are unaware of their sin or something so i try not to feel bad.

  46. lady431 says:

    I have been a server for about 5 years now. I’m reading the comments from the people who are still complaining about the lies and the coffee. First off I’ll have you know I have never given regular in place of decaf (because of the health problems mentioned) however, as much as it happens it can’t be all that bad, because all of you who are complaining, has any of the people you know or yourselves died from getting the wrong kind of coffee? And also, have you not EVER lied at your job? A white lie or a lie to a customer or co worker because they were an asshole? PROBABLY so. Hypocrites. You can complain as much as you want, but you know nothing about being a servant. Im very patient with people, but I do get very frustrated with how customers treat us (even the ones of us who try to go above and beyond for you guys) you still treat like shit. you act like we are slaves or peasants because we are there to serve you. we are people to, treat us like one! Common sense is something so many people today are lacking. READ the menu, THINK before you talk. Have manners, say PLEASE and THANK YOU. its not that hard. If you want good service, be good to your server. The better mannered and nice people are THE BETTER THE JOB I WANT TO DO. think about it, at your job the more your appreciated and better your treated the better of the job you do, and the better you treat others. and for those of you out there who do nothing but complain about any and every possible thing, your life must be terrible and I’m sorry you are so unhappy.

  47. Beth says:

    I get severe migraine headaches. I have found that consuming at least one cup of coffee’s worth of caffeine per day will help stave off many of the headaches, and caffeine early in its onset will help relieve the pain of one if I have not yet been able to take medication. Lying and giving me decaf does more than make me sleepy: it can cause near-suicidal pain. Thanks, you bastards.

  48. les says:

    hah i had a table once ask me my SAT scores. i honestly told them i didnt remember because i took them seven years ago. they then said “oh that bad?”. i countered by asking them THEIR SAT scores and that shut them up for a bit, but later in the meal they continued by asking me “so what schools did you get in to with scores like that?” followed by hearty laughter…. my favorite was the table that mocked me throughout the meal for saying “y’all”… guests can be so classless. that said, i’d never lie about what’s IN food or drink. i don’t want to be responsible for an allergy attack even with the biggest jackass table.

  49. Dudestin says:

    Ok I’m a waiter and the biggest lie I ever tell is that if I can’t get to a table for a few minutes I approach them and ask if they’ve had service, I then grab their drink orders. I disappear for a while come back with the drinks and say that the server who was supposed to help them was busy. It’s a harmless lie as I see it and it makes the customers night good and earns me a tip that isn’t zero. I never lie about what Is in food I always serve decaf and regular when asked as well as diet soda, and if I don’t know something I’ll ask. It’s better than being responsible for something serious.

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