by waiter | Mar 25, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Hello, the Bistro. How may I help you?” “Yeah, I want to talk to the manager,” an angry voice sputters. “I’m the manager. How can I be of assistance?” I reply sweetly. “One of your waiters ripped me off last night!” the man yells. Oh boy. “Tell me what happened,” I...
by waiter | Mar 22, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m lying outside on the beach sunning myself. I can hear the surf pound the shore. I take a pull on my beer. I’m relaxed and content. Life is good. All of a sudden my mother stands over me blocking the sun, “You’re going to be late for your brother’s wedding,” she...
by waiter | Mar 21, 2005 | Uncategorized
Most restaurant patrons only see the “front of the house.” The dining room. But if you push on past the hushed tones, obsequious smiles, and culinary kabuki, you’ll find yourself backstage. This is where the real work of a restaurant is done. A rabbit warren of...
by waiter | Mar 16, 2005 | Uncategorized
A lot of people think waiters are poster boys for bad behavior. The archetype of the arrogant French waiter is a perfect example. We’re often characterized as mean, patronizing, vindictive, food inseminating malcontents. Well, sometimes that may be true – but it...
by waiter | Mar 11, 2005 | Uncategorized
“The computer’s not working,” Arlene informs me. Ugh. Our state of the art POS system has froze up again. I go over to the touch screen and tap the glass gingerly. NO INPUT SIGNAL the screen flashes woefully. “Open the pod bay doors Hal,” I mutter aloud. NO INPUT...
by waiter | Mar 8, 2005 | Uncategorized
Larry Mullen, the drummer from the band U2, is a regular at my bistro. Unassuming, polite, and a good tipper, he comes in with his family whenever he’s in the States. They’re completely normal nice people. We have a good policy regarding celebrities at the Bistro. We...
by waiter | Mar 8, 2005 | Uncategorized
I don’t like to talk about politics on my blog. When you’re a waiter you don’t alienate customers (and reduce your tips) by saying you like or dislike any particular political party. My bistro is a bi-partisan affair. The only political figures we like to talk about...
by waiter | Mar 1, 2005 | Uncategorized
A reader wrote telling me Waiter Rant was mentioned on CNN. It turns out that Jeanne Moos did a story entitled “Wrath of the Waiters” for her program “Making the Moost of It.” She mentioned my website by name and showed a screen shot of the title banner. The funniest...
by waiter | Mar 1, 2005 | Uncategorized
Sex is part of the restaurant business. Think about it. Eating and sex are both activities physically linked to the emotion governing limbic system of the brain. How often have you heard someone describe the taste of food as “orgasmic?” Enjoyment of food often leads...
by waiter | Feb 28, 2005 | Uncategorized
It’s Saturday night and I’m up front chatting with the new hostess. Whenever she bends down to grab a menu I catch a glimpse of a tattoo stenciled above the cleavage of her rather nice backside. I’m wondering how I’m going to see the rest that tattoo when I hear a...
