by waiter | May 22, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Waiter, has any one ever told you that you look like Elton John?” “No sir,” I say looking down my nose at the customer. “I mean a young Elton John,” the man adds quickly, realizing I’m not flattered by the comparison. “That’s a new one on me sir,” I reply icily. “I...
by waiter | May 20, 2005 | Uncategorized
Gerald and I are conversing by the coffee station at the start of shift. “My friend’s daughter’s ten and she’s already menstruating,” he says. “Ten?” I gasp in surprise, “isn’t that a little early?” “Unbelievable ain’t it?” “Man, girls are hitting puberty younger and...
by waiter | May 18, 2005 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow lunch. Too kill time, Gwen, the lunch waitress is doing a Feng Shui analysis of my apartment. “You see here,” Gwen says pointing to my clumsily doodled floor plan, “your creativity corner is strong. But your money and love energies are going out the...
by waiter | May 15, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Fluvio wants you,” Maria, the busgirl, shouts. “Tell him I didn’t do it whatever it is,” I shout over the din, frantically trying to assemble ten cappuccinos. “He wants to know why your table outside’s pissed off,” Maria continues. “What?” “They said you’re a...
by waiter | May 10, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m standing on the shore of a tropical island when a beautiful blonde in skimpy white bikini emerges from the surf like Venus Rising from the sea. I admire her long legs as she sashays suggestively towards me. “Hi,” she says breathlessly....
by waiter | May 7, 2005 | Uncategorized
Fluvio and I are eating lunch at change of shift. It’s payday. The lunch waitress happily counts the day’s take as the dinner staff trickles in. “Hey Arlene, how was lunch?” Louis asks in greeting. “$200!” Arlene chirps merrily. She had a great shift. “Not bad…” Louis...
by waiter | May 5, 2005 | Uncategorized
It has come to my attention that WaiterRant’s site statistics are less than transparent. To remedy that situation I have decided to make those statistics public. Click on the StatCounter “counter.” Type “reader” into both the username and password fields and your in!...
by waiter | May 4, 2005 | Uncategorized
The service bar in my bistro is a cramped cluttered affair – jammed into a corner next to the coffee machine. Ten varieties of vodka compete with gin and wine bottles for space. Whenever you grab the tequila you risk knocking several bottles to the floor. I’m...
by waiter | May 2, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m sitting in the Irish pub after work hoisting a few pints with my fellow server Beth. You remember her. She’s the one that was still wearing Underoo’s when I graduated college. The beer and the conversation flow freely. “When I was in the third grade I was mauled...
by waiter | May 1, 2005 | Uncategorized
The woman on table sixteen is a forty year old, slightly drunk, voluptuous peroxide blond. And her ass is halfway out of her pants. Leaning forward in animated conversation she’s oblivious that her backside is sliding out of her jeans. I can’t help but notice it’s a...
