by waiter | Dec 31, 2005 | Uncategorized
This one’s for you Lou! 1. Have a designated driver or call a cab. Spending New Year’s Day in jail (or the morgue) is not a good idea. 2. Leave the drugs at home. 3. Leave the kids at home. 4. If you must bring the kids, bring the drugs. Give ‘em to the waitstaff!...
by waiter | Dec 30, 2005 | Uncategorized
It’s my day off and I need a new pair of black shoes. My old waiter clogs are getting ratty. New Year’s Eve will soon be upon us. I need to look my best. So I decide to drive over to the mall and buy a couple of pairs with my newfound Christmas loot. Of course the...
by waiter | Dec 28, 2005 | Uncategorized
I’m not a wine guy. I like whisky and beer. But I appreciate the artistry that goes into making wine and I respect people who have a good grasp of Oenology. However, since most people are dopes when it comes to ordering wine, I’ve assembled a list of tips to help you...
by waiter | Dec 27, 2005 | Uncategorized
Here are some bits of wisdom I picked up over the years from people, books and film. Wherever possible I’ve made attribution. “Never make a decision when you’re high in the sky or down in the dumps.” – my high school principal. (On relationships) “If it isn’t fun in...
by waiter | Dec 25, 2005 | Uncategorized
To all Waiter Rant readers – my best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And, oh yeah, for the first time since 1959 the first day of the Festival of Lights is on December 25th! Happy Hanukkah! Have fun!
by waiter | Dec 22, 2005 | Uncategorized
Hi Guys. Sorry for the lack of posts. I’ve been sick and it’s the Holidays. Between work and shopping I’ve had no time to write. Here’s a story I was working on last week. In retrospect, with the MTA strike, the title is prophetic…………………. I have a problem with table...
by waiter | Dec 17, 2005 | Uncategorized
My friend and I are drinking poorly made martinis in a 42nd Street bar, trying to decide where to eat. “Feel like Thai?” my friend asks. “Nah,” I reply, “I’m not in the mood for Thai.” “Italian?” I give her the gentle version of the thousand yard waiter stare. “You’re...
by waiter | Dec 17, 2005 | Uncategorized
The woman purses her lips and takes her sweet time perusing the menu. Her husband’s already ordered. The clock ticks. I have other tables to attend to. If she takes any longer roots are going to sprout out of my shoes. “Can I help you make a selection?” I offer...
by waiter | Dec 12, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Uh, I have a problem with table 2,” Kylie says warily. “What kind of problem?” I sigh. We’re in the middle of the holiday insanity and I’m tired. “They want to pay with a gift certificate.” “So?” “They only have the card holder – not the actual card.” “That is a...
by waiter | Dec 7, 2005 | Uncategorized
I bring the filet mignon to table 24. Medium rare, covered with a melted gorgonzola, fried leeks and a simple demiglaze, it’s a work of art perched atop a swirling bed of garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli rabe. If God were an entrée this would be it. I deposit the...
