Food Critic

My friend and I are drinking poorly made martinis in a 42nd Street bar, trying to decide where to eat. “Feel like Thai?” my friend asks. “Nah,” I reply, “I’m not in the mood for Thai.” “Italian?” I give her the gentle version of the thousand yard waiter stare. “You’re...

Perfection

The woman purses her lips and takes her sweet time perusing the menu. Her husband’s already ordered. The clock ticks. I have other tables to attend to. If she takes any longer roots are going to sprout out of my shoes. “Can I help you make a selection?” I offer...

Tis The Season

“Uh, I have a problem with table 2,” Kylie says warily. “What kind of problem?” I sigh. We’re in the middle of the holiday insanity and I’m tired. “They want to pay with a gift certificate.” “So?” “They only have the card holder – not the actual card.” “That is a...

All Mashed Up

I bring the filet mignon to table 24. Medium rare, covered with a melted gorgonzola, fried leeks and a simple demiglaze, it’s a work of art perched atop a swirling bed of garlic mashed potatoes and broccoli rabe. If God were an entrée this would be it. I deposit the...

The Songs Are in Your Eyes

Arlene visited the Bistro today. I got to hold her baby girl for the first time. Fluvio took this picture of us with his cell phone. As I was holding her I remembered the lyrics from a U2 song: Freedom has a scent Like the top of a new born baby’s head The songs are...

Homeless Guy

I’m walking towards the Bistro. It’s cold out today. I pull my jacket around me, trying to hold in the warm air from my car’s heater. But the surrounding buildings conspire to funnel a biting wind that washes over me. I shiver. I’ll be glad to get inside. Navigating...

Ship Afire

“Something’s really wrong with table 23,” Saroya says. “What’s the matter?” I ask. “Go over there,” Saroya says grimly. I hustle to the front of the restaurant and find a lone blonde woman sobbing into her martini. I know who this lady is. She and her girlfriend were...

Seduction

Four ladies finish their entrees. After the busgirls clear and crumb the table I bring over the dessert menus. It’s time for me to become the devil. “Ladies,” I say sweetly, “We have some excellent desserts tonight.” “Oh, nothing for me,” Bubbly Blonde replies. “No...

Just Call Me Cyrano

I’m hiding in the kitchen drinking coffee when one of my customers trespasses and walks in. I hate when people do that. “Sir,” I say warily, “What can I do for you?” “Hi,” the guy says, looking flustered. “I was wondering if you could help me with something.” “If I...

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