by waiter | Oct 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
Its Saturday night. Beth and I are drinking dirty martinis at Istanbul, a Turkish restaurant with a great bar and live music. I’m keen on seeing some belly dancers. “Did you ever smoke a hookah?” Beth asks me, motioning to the ornate water pipes...
by waiter | Oct 11, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m drinking coffee in the kitchen watching Louis hyperventilate. It’s a pastime of mine. “Can I get my halibut for table three?” Louis yells. “Like today?” “Relax Louis,” I say. “The food’ll be out in a...
by waiter | Oct 9, 2006 | Uncategorized
“And you sir,” I say, turning to the last customer on my four top, “What will you have this evening?” “I’ll have the Fellatio please,” the man says with a smirk. I glance up from my pad. This guy better be talking about the...
by waiter | Oct 4, 2006 | Uncategorized
My brother and his wife just bought their first house. It’s what real estate agents euphemistically call a fixer upper. The three bedroom Cape’s previous owner had been a heavy smoking cat lover. We discovered nicotine stains in the closets. And the smell...
by waiter | Oct 2, 2006 | Uncategorized
In restaurant parlance a “void” is when management removes an item from a customer’s check. In medical parlance it means urinating or evacuating one’s bowels. I’m in management so it’s all the same to me – taking shit and...
by waiter | Sep 29, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’ve been wearing drugstore reading glasses for years. Working in low lighting and squinting at computer screens have screwed up my vision. Without them I can’t read. Refusing to pay for prescription lenses I keep buying cheap spectacles at the rate of one...
by waiter | Sep 27, 2006 | Uncategorized
Michael Lynn, the professor at Cornell’s School of Hotel Administration asked me if I’d put this survey for WAITRESSES up on my website. This survey focuses on physical characteristics like age, height, weight, waist size, hip size, bra size, hair color,...
by waiter | Sep 25, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s 3 o’clock. I step inside the Bistro to work my 300th Saturday night. Carrying my dry cleaned uniform over my shoulder I walk around and start saying my hellos. “Hi Maria,” I call out to one of the busgirls. “How’s your...
by waiter | Sep 23, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Do you make Linguini Puttanesca?” “No Madam,” I reply, “We don’t have it on the menu.” “Well,” the lady harrumphs, “The chef made it for me the last time I was here.” God – I hate when customers use...
by waiter | Sep 21, 2006 | Uncategorized
As you may have already figured out, the segment about tipping on this morning’s Today Show got bumped. If it’s scheduled to air another time I’ll let you all know. Television’s a fickle mistress. Bummer.
