Sex Maniac

It’s Sunday night. The dinner rush is over. I’m reconciling my tips when Saroya comes up to me. “Look at this,” she says, holding a business card in front of my face. I look at the card. It reads “PICK A NUMBER 1 2 3 4.” “What’s this?” I ask. “The customers on table...

Splat

Normally I find Al Fresco diners annoying. But one of my favorite couples snags an outside table and requests me as their waiter. Since the woman’s gorgeous I’m happy to oblige. “Good evening,” I say, cheerfully handing them menus. “Nice to see you again.” “Nice to...

Hung Over Time

It’s Saturday night and Beth looks like shit. “What’s the matter with you?” I ask. “You look like somebody beat you up.” “Gee, thanks for the compliment,” Beth sneers. “You trip the light fantastic last night?” “Huh?” “Partying?” “Oh yeah,” Beth replies, waving her...

Heat

It’s late afternoon and the thermometer reads a pleasant 85 degrees. The only problem? That’s the temperature inside the Bistro. “Why does the A/C decide to crap out now?” Beth, one of our servers, wails. “Today of all days.” “Because it’s a hundred degrees out,”...

Book Deal

I am pleased to announce that I have secured a book deal with Ecco, an imprint of Harper Collins, for Waiter Rant: A Behind the Scenes Look at the Front Lines of Dining Out. I would like to thank Dan Halpern and Ecco for giving me this opportunity. I look forward to...