A Thousand and One Uses

I’m telling a five top the specials when I feel a hand slide into my pants. Catching a whiff of perfume I enjoy the sensation of delicate female fingers wriggling around in my pocket. Grasping the hard object she’s looking for she pulls out….. ….. my wine opener....

Traffic Surge

I’ve noticed a recent surge in traffic to Waiter Rant. Welcome to all the new readers! My Stat Counter software indicates that several hundred people have come to the site via a Google keyword search. (Keyword – “waiterrant.blogspot.com”) Is...

Hippie Faux Pas

I’m in the kitchen munching on some fried polenta chips when the hostess interrupts me. “You’ve got a new table on ten.” I look at the clock. It’s almost closing. “Does anyone else want this table?” I ask. It’s a stupid question. The other waiters mentally vacated the...

Hamburgers and God

I’m heading in for work when my stomach starts to growl. I didn’t eat much of a breakfast so I stop at the local fast food joint and grab a burger to go. When I arrive at the Bistro I realize I have a few minutes to kill before my shift starts. I pour myself a Diet...

Now I’m a Thief

“Hello, the Bistro. How may I help you?” “Yeah, I want to talk to the manager,” an angry voice sputters. “I’m the manager. How can I be of assistance?” I reply sweetly. “One of your waiters ripped me off last night!” the man yells. Oh boy. “Tell me what happened,” I...

Tsunami

I’m lying outside on the beach sunning myself. I can hear the surf pound the shore. I take a pull on my beer. I’m relaxed and content. Life is good. All of a sudden my mother stands over me blocking the sun, “You’re going to be late for your brother’s wedding,” she...

It ain’t Shakespeare…….

Most restaurant patrons only see the “front of the house.” The dining room. But if you push on past the hushed tones, obsequious smiles, and culinary kabuki, you’ll find yourself backstage. This is where the real work of a restaurant is done. A rabbit warren of...