It’s Thursday morning and I head over to the post office to mail a package. I love the post office in my town. A stately edifice overlooking a traffic circle that revolves around a monument to the town’s Spanish-American War dead, the building looks like a post office straight out of central casting. When I walk in I’m happy to see there’s no line and two clerks ready to handle my business. But, in the hundred odd seconds it takes for me to check my PO box and fill out the packing slip for the item I’m shipping, one clerk goes on break and the line’s population jumps from zero to ten. What a difference a minute makes.

Clutching my package I settle in line and begin to wait. Of course, no one queued up with me is just buying stamps. The guy at the head of the line’s shipping a package to McMurdo Station or something. The next customer who shuffles up to the counter’s no better – an older gent complaining about missing mail. His lovely and slightly demented way of asking the same question a hundred times sends a collective shudder of frustration rippling through the line. But the next customer, a middle aged lady mailing out several packages, takes the cake.

The customer, a matronly looking woman wearing heavy framed DKNY glasses and wearing a lime green blouse, looks nice enough – but she’s talking on her cell phone and eating an apple at the same time. I don’t know about you, but I was taught that talking on the phone and eating is rude. As the woman shares details of her personal life with everyone in the post office, the clerk efficiently processes all her packages.

“Thirty-five dollars,” the clerk announces.

The woman on the phone doesn’t hear him. She’s just eating her apple and talking on her phone like she doesn’t have a care in the world. The clerk drums his fingers loudly on the counter to try and get her attention. She ignores him. I feel like asking this woman if it’d be okay to waste her time and eat an apple at her house. I resist the urge. We all have to put up with frustrations in life. It’s how civilized society hangs together. So, instead of saying something, I decide to see if there’s anything to this telekinesis stuff and try setting the woman on fire with the power of my mind. Damn, it doesn’t work. Maybe it’s just me.

“Thirty-five dollars,” the clerks says again, louder this time.

The woman looks up at the clerk. Then she looks at the line of people glaring at her. “Phylis I’ve got to go,” she says into her cell phone. “I’ll call you later.” She snaps her phone shut, scrounges around her cavernous purse for money, produces a credit card, pays her bill, and leaves.

“Thank God,” the elderly lady ahead of me says.

“You ain’t kidding,” I reply.

Twenty minutes elapse before I mail off my package. The process took entirely too long. I get back in my car and drive off to my next errand – buy a new pair of jeans.

I travel to a chain store that usually has the brand of jeans I like. After I park my car I gather up all the coffee cups, gum wrappers, and fast food containers threatening to compress into a sedimentary layer on the floor of my car and carry it out to the trash. The only problem? There are ZERO trash cans in the parking lot or the front of the store. I’ve seen this phenomenon happening at retail outlets throughout the country. Some bean counter somewhere figured out that the more trash cans there are in a parking lot, the more trash people will deposit and the higher the company’s trash removal costs will be. The cynical solution to save money? Get rid of the trash cans!

As I walk with my armful of trash in search of a garbage can some slightly fermented coffee leaks out of a cup and dribbles on my new leather jacket. I grunt angrily under my breath. What ever happened to all the corporate hoopla marketing wags put out about “protecting the environment?” For crying out loud, whatever happened to “Don’t litter?” Wherever large groups of people gather there’s going to be trash. The stores, especially now, want large crowds of people in their parking lots – but then they turn around and refuse to supply garbage cans to the public. That’s as about as cheap as not having peanuts and pretzels on airplanes.

I finally find a small garbage can hidden behind one of the pillars at the store’s front entrance. It’s stuffed to the rim with bio-hazardous looking stuff and, from the smell, I figure there’s a dirty diaper in there. Instead of a large useful trash can, this pitiful little receptacle is probably here to satisfy some local ordnance. If they didn’t have to do it, I’l bet the store probably would even have made this one available. I just lay my trash gently on top, praying my garbage will stick to the nastiness and won’t blow into the parking lot.

When I get inside the store I notice there’s a big sale. I also notice the place is packed with shoppers savaging the clothes racks like whirling consumerist dervishes. My heart rate immediately jumps into competition for resources overdrive. When I get to the men’s department I find out the store has every size and style of jeans available– except the ones I want. So I don’t waste a trip I go to the underwear aisle to pick up some boxer briefs. Of course, they aren’t on sale. Grabbing a three pack, I march over to the register and get on line behind a legion of shoppers with carts stuffed tighter than the garbage can out front. There’s only two cashiers on duty, people are making returns, the line’s moving slowly, children are screaming, and I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof. I decide not to go with the telekinetic fire fantasy. I recently read somewhere that anger will wreck your heart faster than a steady diet of Big Macs and caramel frappacinos. I close my eyes and do some of the deep breathing exercises I use with the patients at the hospital. “I am calm,” I tell myself. “I am mature. I am not turning into a Yuppie prick.” I visualize sandy tropical beaches and bikini clad redheads. I am more peaceful than the Dali Lama and Gandhi cubed.

My eyes snap open. “Fuck this,” I mutter.

I toss the package of underwear I’m holding onto a sales table and head out the door. Some people look at me strangely. Screw ’em. I go back to my car and start driving home. A few blocks from my house I realize I’m running low on bread and a few other things. I don’t want to go all the way to the supermarket so I pull into a nearby 7-11.

“Ten dollars and twenty-three cents,” the clerk says after he rings up my items.

All I have in my wallet is a ten and a twenty. I have no change. Now I have to break a twenty over a lousy quarter. I don’t know what it is about 7-11, but no matter what you buy it it always costs several cents over the last dollar in the price. You always pay $1.37, $10.32, or $ 20.11. The total’s never 95¢, $1.75, or $9.86. You always end up with a pocketful of change you don’t want. It’s a fucking conspiracy. I hand the clerk my twenty. The clerk hands me a sheaf of ones and a handful of silver.

“Can I have a ten, a five, and some singles?” I ask.

“I got no tens, boss.”

“Hang on,” I say. Rummaging though my jacket pocket. “Maybe I have a quarter.”

“I got no tens, boss,” the clerk repeats tiredly. “All I got is ones.”

“Here it is!” I say, pulling the coin from the recesses of my coat. But the clerk has already started ringing up the next customer.

“Hey!’ I say. “Here’s a quarter!”

The clerk ignores me.

I said I have a quarter.”

The clerk looks at me balefully. Suddenly I feel like asking him what’s the most he’s ever lost on a coin toss. I love that scene in No Country for Old Men where Javier Bardem scares the living shit out of a shitkicker gas station attendant. I feel like scaring the shit out of this gas station attendant. Goddamn it, there’s never a compressed air cattle gun around when I need it.

After the post office, the lack of trash cans, no jeans in my size, long lines, and now this dipshit clerk, I feel my gastritis acting up. Maybe I should take up yoga, but somehow I think giving this guy a piece of my mind would provide more immediate satisfaction.  Of course, I say nothing. I take my change and leave. I have angry moments and get frustrated but I seldom lose my cool. Besides, my problems are trivial compared to others. We all have to put up with frustrations in life. It’s how civilized society hangs together. But, if we’re really honest with ourselves, when facing life’s myriad roadblocks, we all occasionally wonder what it’d be like to become uncivilized. Ever wonder why fictional characters like Dracula, Hannibal Lector, and Anton Chigurh fascinate us?

I don’t – friendo.

87 thoughts on “Friendo”

  1. another Denise says:

    If you would have said something after getting your change and held up the line because of not liking the change you were given AND the clerk had a blog about his job I wonder what he would have written? Just sayin’.

  2. Booply says:

    Meh, I guess I’m lucky, but where I live in Portland, there are 3 shipping stores within 5 blocks of my house, tons of great retail shops that have nice, stylish, quality clothing for great prices, and no fucking 7-11 stores within 3 miles. We just have some nice organic grocers (including a trader joe’s and even an albertson’s with a kosher meat section), and hardly any lines if you don’t go there between 4-8pm, any other time you usually don’t have to wait at all for anything. What I would recommend for stress is to listen to your i-pod when you’re waiting in line. I almost never go shopping without it and I don’t even notice how slowly the line is moving while I’m watching a movie or listening to my favorite music. It’s merely something I’d recommend, but perhaps it works best for me because I love music more than pretty much anything else. Too bad there’s no cure for dumbass 7-11 clerks.

  3. Jessica says:

    I agree with Another Denise. It seems that you are getting far more cynical (ironically) and impatient than you used to be. Bad customer skills are starting to creep up. Maybe you should go back to waiting tables for a couple of weeks and remember what it’s like to deal with impatient rude people.

  4. S. Woody White says:

    As a supermarket cashier, I have to agree with another Denise. I make every effort (and sometimes it takes a real effort) to be pleasant and kind to each of my customers. And I do my job without the benefit of a tip when the customer leaves. With the chip you’re developing on your shoulder, you would make my job a lot harder than it needs to be.

    Or maybe it’s just that you’re in New Jersey.

  5. Zayrina says:

    Some solutions:

    Find a source to buy your jeans and underwear online.

    Go at off peak times, while people are still in bed or at church, for the bread and milk items.

    Move to Montana, I hear the lines are shorter there.

  6. Mallory says:

    Cue with an MP3 player (tho take out the earbuds when it’s your turn to be served), and carry a change purse with the coins in and you will remove about 80% of the stress of shopping.

    Or shop on weekdays during school hours, which also helps.

    I’d also recommend having a trashbag in your car. Just a supermarket carrier bag – dump all your in-car trash in it, then replace when full. Cuts out the hassle.

  7. DABCT says:


    The next stop should have been Starbucks so that you couled have used the pocket full of change to tip the barista, sat quietly sipping a good coffee, listened to good music and surfed on your laptop.

    I calm oasis in a frustrating retail environment. Much better for the blood pressure.

  8. brgplyr says:

    I feel your pain. One frustration you can deal with, maybe even 2…but three???? Not gonna happen. I have often left an establishment when the line didn’t move. Yes, I’m annoyed, but standing in line to the point of rising blood pressure enough to cause a stroke is not, repeat NOT, worth it. In the case of the jeans, I’d have left the store when I couldn’t find the size/style I wanted. Take the coins you get daily and toss them in a jar. You’d be surprised how quickly they add up.

  9. Zayrina says:

    Uhhhh Sabina? Up yours for putting words in my mouth.

  10. Kayleigh says:

    Chin up, Steve. It sounds to me like what you’re suffering from isn’t bad customer service, but mid-winter stress. In February wasting your limited energy on all those little errands can seem so overwhelming. Last week I had a similar day when my cable went out, and the prospect of going through the nonsense of getting it fixed just made me want to cry.

    In the spring the lines will be shorter, the stores will have exactly what you need, and 7-11 will give you the proper change. I promise.

  11. JoB says:

    Wow… frustration levels getting a bit overwhelming? Sweating the small stuff can really screw up a day. Take a step back and look at life on a much simpler level.

  12. Vi | Maximizing Utility says:

    Next time you are in the post office, look around and see if they have an APC, an Automated Postal Center. It’s a self-serve kiosk that can handle almost all of your shipping and stamp buying needs.

    I think most people shy away from it, because they don’t understand how to use it or they don’t know what it’s for. I always see very long lines for the post office counter and no one at the APC, even though I’m sure almost everyone in line could serve themselves at the APC. It’s not at all difficult to use.

    It’s fast, efficient, and many of them are open and available for use even when the post office counter is closed.

    Check it out!

  13. Velvet says:

    Hi Steve,
    It looks like everyone’s into giving you advice, now that you’re rich and famous. Everyone’s said anything I might.
    Thanks for writing X Waiter.

  14. Wilhelm says:

    That line at the post office is not real — it’s a hologram which can be repeated at every post office in America. I see it every time I visit our local post office. (PS, They have something very similar at UPS.)

  15. Waiter says:

    When I was a waiter I never ran into long lines! I was always off when people were working. Now that I’m a writer and my schedule’s basically 9-5, however, I always encounter long lines. Ironic, huh? 🙂

    And don’t worry, I don’t think I’m turning into a yuppie prick or morphing into a serial killer. I’m taking my medication! But we all get ticked off at people and trivial situations from time to time. I’m no different.

    But I still think I need to take up yoga or hit the gym! Maybe take karate. Some way to “sweat out the badness!” We’ll see.

  16. M says:

    Dracula isn’t entirely fictional

  17. Artie says:

    Real nice guy, trying to scam the 7-11 out of 10 bucks.

    The bill: $10.23. You pay with a $20, after he gives you your $9.77, you try and confuse a likely immigrant with limited English skills by telling him you have a quarter and would like a $10, $5, and some $1’s…Con artist.

    And here’s an idea…throw your trash out at home.

    Love the blog, but this entry is just depressing.

  18. Grace says:

    Instead of taking this opportunity to tell you your business, or suggest you move somewhere else, or diagnose your ills, I’d like to use it to say that you write so well that your essay – which could easily have taken a plaintive tone – struck me as very relatable, and I love that you’re still blogging. Eff the haters, man.

  19. Waiter says:

    Gimme a break Artie, I’m not trying to con anybody.

    But yeah, I have a garbage at home…..mea culpa.

  20. Will says:

    Man, if only living through a day like this were actually as entertaining as reading about it after the fact…nicely captured ‘day in the life.’

  21. Poofy_puff says:

    You are one of the voices in my head, Steve. Keep up the good work!

  22. Becs says:

    Blech, everybody, it’s Jersey. It’s not Steve’s fault. These bad days bunch up all over Jersey. This is why (when I had a job) I would get up at six o’clock on a Saturday morning to go to Shop-Rite, to do my grocery shopping in peace and not have to practice my rusty Zen master skills.

    And as wonderful as Oregon may be, I’m not going to move someplace where somebody can legally murder me if I fall into a coma.

    There are a lot of wonderful places in the US and in the world. And most of them are in worse financial shape than Jersey.

    Steve, I’m sorry you had a lousy day, but this does seem to be The Jersey Way.

  23. geeky says:

    I worked in a convenience store for a few years. Try looking at the 7-11 situation from the clerk’s point of view. He’s in the middle of a long shift. A couple of customers have already been rude to him today, but he’s trying not to take it personally. You come in and your total comes $10.23. You hand him a $20. Now he’s got to give you a crapload of change. He does it without any attitude. He moves on to the next impatient customer, because in the convenience business speed is everything. Only now you’re suddenly motivated to dig for change! You dig out a quarter and demand he reopen the change drawer just for you, to give you the change you want. Even after he told you he didn’t have it.

    Now which one of you is having the bad day?

  24. KarenS says:

    I have wanted to write to you for a long time. Your book was terrific. As for those who think you’re getting a big head..bull! I think years of forced politeness may be taking it’s toll. I’m a switchboard operator and I have to be nice to morons all day. On Saturday I took my new car to have it washed, it’s a Toyota Yaris, a sub-compact, when I was informed I’d be charged for an over sized vehicle because it’s an inch higher than a standard sized car, I lost it. I told the cashier “I hate people who do what I’m about to do but I will never bring my car here again” and I ripped up the thing they stamp so you get a free car wash for every 10 washes, and laid the pieces on the counter, paid the charge and walked out. GOD it felt good. I’ve been in the restaurant biz too, and always tip 30% on good service. My servers and bartenders bend over backwards to give me great service and they are grateful.I am a single woman and eat out all the time even in this dismal economy. You keep up the good work …your posts are fabulous and I can’t wait for your book on tipping. Great job!!!!

  25. Cheri Sicard says:

    Thanks once again for a well written essay I think we can all relate to at one time or another. It’s what I enjoy most about your writing, your extraordinary ability to make the ordinary interesting.

    Please people, stop lecturing and psychoanalyzing the artist and let him continue to do what he does best!

  26. Anton says:

    You lack basic common sense.

    When you saw that the Post office clerks were free, why didn’t you mail your package FIRST and hit your PO box LAST?

    When you saw that the store was a mad house, and that they didn’t have your size of jeans, why didn’t you just leave? You knew the lines for the cashiers would be long (“mad house”).

    In 7-11, why didn’t you look for the quarter as soon as he rang up your total?

    Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

  27. Waiter says:

    Anton? As in Chigurh? I knew you weren’t dead man!

  28. receptionist says:

    Love the blog, not the entry. That’s just everyday in the city – don’t get so worked up over nothing. The world is not out to get you.

  29. Fella says:

    You had a $10 bill and a quarter, and the bill was $10.23. The problem is … ?

  30. Jason says:

    Wow. I love coming here to see amateur psychology hour in the comments.

  31. Fizz says:

    I’m surprised no one’s mentioned this yet–there’s a typo in here that your spellcheck couldn’t catch.

    “I find out the store has every size and style of jeans available– expect the ones I want.”

    rather than “except the ones I want.”


  32. carl says:

    So after paying, you wanted the cashier to stop what he was doing and give you some different change. I don’t get why you wouldn’t ask first thing.

  33. Chris R says:

    I’m glad you decided to to use the cattle gun on that poor guy. Then again he does work at a post office. You might have just put him out of his misery.

  34. Sixycat says:

    Darling! Love your blog have for a LONG, LONG time, never written you until now. I live in your area and due to a lack of good judgement I went to IKEA on President’s Day, (basically a Paramus Saturday on crack) and I had to ditch a bag of tealights because I knew I was going to hurt someone in one of those lines (most likely one of those effin New Yorkers!). Try an ipod as suggested, remember ALL the drug stores in our neck of BC have trash cans as well as the gas stations (where we don’t have to pump our gas unlike Oregon and Montana!)But most importantly remember your loved and adored by your faithful readers, ignore the haters, and keep your Karma clean too! XoXo

  35. JoeInVegas says:

    Perhaps you should come to Vegas, lay out in the sun by the pool, get the waitress to bring you some margarittas and rest a bit; it’s starting to warm up.

  36. Amanda says:

    For the people who didn’t read the blog…he didn’t find the quarter until after the cashier had already stuffed his hand full of dollar bills and moved on to the next customer.

    Most polite cashiers (including me) wait a couple seconds to see if someone has the change. Or if I happen to be out of a particular denomination, I ask them if they’d mind having the lesser ones. Even if it’s not going to change anything, it’s still good custoemr service. I can understand why he got pissed. I’d be pissed too.

    Steve, no matter what, there are going to be things that happen that are out of your control (the lines, the rediculously ignorant and rude people, the inability for stores to get merchandise they know is going to be high-demand(i have this issue at my store too)). All you can do, is take it in stride. Don’t let it get to you, the only thing it will do is upset you. Which doesn’t help you at all.

  37. Alexa says:

    Most major retail stores will let you call ahead and put items on reserve. That way, you know they have the style / size you want ready and waiting for you.

    In many stores, cashiers aren’t able to open their tills unless there’s a cash sale, and even in the stores where cashiers can, a lot aren’t allowed to give change or switch denominations because of Paper Moon-style con artists. I’ll bet, in a place like 7-11 which is frequently robbed, that goes double.

    Also, see:

  38. Suzanne says:

    I can’t believe no one else has been your proofreader yet.

    “I find out the store has every size and style of jeans available– expect the ones I want.”


    “The clerk look at me balefully.”

  39. Anonymous says:

    You are right. Everyone is nuts and people who say you are “uppity” due your book are the same people who dislike anyone “who moves on up”. Silly really. Customer service has gone down, UAW having to admit they are not doing more and demanding the same, and people who have lived the “Status Quo” for a long time are ignoring that people are now demanding service for performance.

  40. DanK says:

    Speaking of NUTS… I live in a Tropical Paradise surrounded by bikini clad redheads… and MY happy place just happens to be an crowded, slow moving cash register line at a busy retail store… pfft… figure the odds… oh and sorry bout the whole urine thing last week.

  41. Anonymous says:

    You were standing in line and clutching your package? No one noticed? Also the PO is not a charity!

  42. Jackie says:

    Laugh out loud funny. And yes, I, too have noticed fewer trash cans around the malls now that you mention it. Maybe there are fewer people paid to maintain them.

  43. Max says:

    Just go rent “falling down” and live vicariously..

  44. Deena says:

    Weed will help. Toke a little before shopping or driving and nothing and noone will irritate you. You might spend a bit extra at the grocery, drive a little more careful, or take too much time gawking at items in the store but hey, you come home safe, pleasant, and ready for a snack.

  45. Ken says:

    Yes, you *definitely* should have given him $10.25 first if you didn’t want all that change back.

    It’s not as if you haven’t worked with cash and made change. You’re told $10.23 and you can’t figure out that you’re going to get a lot of change back if you give him a twenty?

    Be careful you don’t become someone you would have disliked when you were waiting tables.

  46. Ken says:

    Your posting times are way off. I posted #42 at 8:46 PM CST. I’m posting this one at about 8:50.

  47. Joe Casabona says:

    I’ve got to give you credit Steve. I’m 23 and would have lost my cool on the 7-11 guy after a day like that.

  48. Zohar says:

    Hey Waiter,

    Check out and rate the restaurant you work at or the restaurants you have worked at…, all ratings are anonymous!

    Many thanks!

  49. Crash says:

    Steve – Re: No Country for Old Men comment

    “shitkicker gas station attendant”? That’s awfully harsh. Recall the film, the attendant (owner) was just asking a casual question about the weather and that somehow set Anton off on his little rant. No one else was in the gas station, no one being inconvenienced or delayed.
    I’m not from Texas, but the gas station attendant was pretty benign. Referring to him as a “shitkicker” just sounds really elitist and judgmental. You write better than that.

    I’ll chalk that up to a bad day. Lord knows, we all have them, especially those of us in the service industry.

  50. Danicus says:

    Waiter, taking up Karate was the best thing I ever did in my life. All the anger I had been carrying around bled away slowly as I learned and grew in the Arts. It quite literally changed my life.
    Just FYI, since you’re looking for something to focus on and lose the anger, learning a martial arts discipline is a great option.

  51. Jackal says:

    I work part-time in a convenience store. When I ring you up, you pay with what you give me. Once I give you your change, the transaction is over…period! If you have a handful of coins you’d like to turn in for paper money after the fact, no problem. Unless of course, there is a line and/or you are being a dick. Judging by the tone of your post, you would have left my store with a handful of change.

  52. Emery from Washington but on Maui says:

    Yep, we all have these days, and the holier-than-thou perfect people who criticized you will sooner or later, see what the truth of being human really is.

  53. Xkitchenstaff says:

    The trash cans outside businesses are NOT there for you to dump the contents of your auto / dumpster or whatever into. They exist to keep people from dumping the trash they are holding in the parking lot and/or in the store. Too may times I’ve had to lug to the dumpster what seems like a month’s worth of someone’s personal garbage crammed into a small barrel because some prick was too cheap/lazy to dispose of it properly. You want to clean the crap out of your car, do it at home. For someone who used to cry out against inconsiderate assholes, you sure don’t practice what you preach.

  54. Xkitchenstaff says:

    Oh, ain’t karma a bitch?

  55. nunya says:

    Wow. People love to dump on you, don’t they?

    Dang, guys everybody has bad days, and when you’re not used to dealing with lines they are a pain in the butt. I did exactly what he did last time I went shopping and the lines were long and about a million snotty kids were protesting loudly. The kids should have been home being fed, or bathed, or taken care of but they weren’t because their parents were out shopping for stupid sh*t.

    I just stopped by to say I loved the book.

  56. jan in chesterfield says:

    Your day sounds like a typical day in the neighborhood. Life is full of frustration. Think you need to get your frustration out in the gym. It will make you feel better and make you healthier too.

  57. Amberly says:

    Sounds like there are a lot of perfect people commenting on your blog. It must be amazing to never have a bad day. I thought the blog was well written and honest. The rest of us who aren’t perfect understand sometimes the little things do get to us. Don’t listen to the haters.

  58. Suzanne says:

    Xkitchenstaff – I’m a little perplexed at how some “prick” putting trash in a trash can is failure to dispose of trash properly. Would you rather be picking it up from the parking lot?

    Trash cans are for trash.

  59. Hananh-Moon says:

    I can just imagine the guy behind you writing ‘and the line at the 7-11 was 10 people deep, but the guy in the leather jacket was the worst. He wasted time just because he didnt like the change he was given! It took me 20 minutes to check out my order.’

    Sorry, I’m always a fan, but I’m starting to notice you’re inflating yourself in the entries. The great Waiter can do no wrong but everyone else is evil. Or something of the sort.

    Also, be flattered they dont have your jean size. That means its so common that they just ran out. You’re not as grotesquely fat/skinny as you believe. You’re average. (this happened to me last week as well).

  60. Nina says:

    I disagree with anyone who is accusing you of becoming the rude customer you didn’t like as a waiter… You admitted you had fantasies of giving these people a piece of your mind, but you kept quiet. Because you wanted to stay respectful. Surely when you were a waiter, if you were giving bad service, you experienced higher numbers of rude customers. It’s the same everywhere, which is why it is important maintain good customer service, and remain respectful when you are a customer yourself. It goes both ways!

  61. dane says:

    wow…lookit all of the blog traffic!

    think of it this way: now you have plenty of ones that you can tuck into g-strings at the strip club. that will make everything all better.

  62. Natalie says:

    Sounds like a day I would have…LOL People just are not nice in public anymore either.

    I do have a question regarding tipping. Is it customary to tip when you visit a restaurant for the sole purpose of a gift certificate? I faced this dilemma today. Clearly my debit card receipt had a spot for a tip. If so, what is customary? The 20% I would tip wait staff?

  63. Sim says:

    You see? The trouble is with your pseudo-patience… You should’ve exploded on the bitch at the post office and leave the almost innocent cashier guy alone…
    Btw. lines are great… magazine, ipod, solitaire….
    takce care

  64. jay says:

    Sim’s right. You could’ve made a snarky comment about the hag at the post office, and everyone would’ve commended you. BTW, who the hell eats and apple and talks on a cell phone at the same time? Ugh.

    Waiter, your posts are still great to read, and I like how you can capture the details of a pretty average day in a way that everyone seems to relate to (no matter which side they’re taking here!)

    And after so many congratulatory comment sections, I have to say it’s kind of amusing to read all the pot shots taken here! Chin up, buddy!

  65. Rose Royce says:

    As a former clerk in a 7/11 type place, the clerk would have waited while you dug around. After the transaction is completed and a customer asking for change can be the beginning of a con man trying to rip you off. I was working alone in my store and was the nice clerk making change for the guy. By the time I realize that something is confusing and things aren’t right, my drawer is short and policy is make it up or get fired. Now, does it seem less personal that the poor clerk was into another transaction and you wanted him to stop what he was doing and deal with your OCD needs for no change in your pocket? The irony is the woman in the Post Office was rude, but you qualify in your behavior.

  66. John says:

    Waiter…what can I say, your the man!

  67. Bea says:

    I have learned that if I do decide to let loose and express my anger the person I did it to will be sitting across from me at the next meeting I attend. Talk about uncomfortable.

  68. Archie says:

    Steve – take up Bikram Yoga. Expensive as hell – BUT amazing. It’s like 23 bucks a session (plus extra for a mat and waer, if you don’t get them from home) – but man alive I promise you thing’s like a damned drug. I went yesterday after 2 months (been laid off so spending $180 of my hubby’s money – that’s the price for a month – ain’t high on my list)

    But try it out – I don’t know if you’re back on the Jersey side or in the city …. but check it out …

  69. bohica says:

    Oh what the heck, the occasional smack-down never hurt anyone, did it?

    Having said that, most of the ideas are good: we ALWAYS have a garbage bag in our car because we’re always creating garbage (bad people, bad bad people).

    I don’t think any of these things are NEW for you. I just think that you had other things to blog about before, and now you’re searching for something unique. This one just happened to be about a bad day, and struck quite a few people wrong. Having said that …

    My father always said, “there are two rules to life:

    Rule #1 ~ Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    Rule # 2 ~ Everything is small stuff.”

    One of the chatters suggested yoga or something. Sounds like a really great idea. I should do that!

  70. admin says:

    Thanks for all the free proofreading and psychoanalysis everyone! 🙂

  71. Mary says:

    “local ordnance” – well, that’s the guns and other weapons your local LEOs carry 🙂

    S/B “ordinance” – just sayin’

  72. Mark says:

    Gee, I’m sorry your day was involved with this nonsense. I go to the Post Office, no one is in front of me, I’m done in 30 seconds. Comes with living the simple life- in the country.

  73. Peter Parent` says:

    You’ve obviously lost your edge, little man. If you were still a constrained waiter, you would’ve employed your power of observance and indignance onto the ineptitude of some ‘fellow’ service individual, and then lost your shit behind it.

    How we forget our origins after awhile, no?

  74. Roxanne in Chicago says:

    Winter is wearing on me, too. I’ve been making a point to go to smaller neighborhood places and visit the bigger places in off hours to avoid this kind of line stress. And then there’s shopping online to avoid clothing sale frenzy. I don’t need that in any season of the year.

    BTW, the post office near my office has one of those APCs, but it was out of service for months. Even when it’s working, I usually don’t use it because the service I most often wait in line for is getting the &*#$ barcode scanned into the system when I’m sending something with delivery confirmation. If they could add that function to the APC, I’d have it made. I’m just grateful that in this huge downtown post office there are enough windows open that the lines usually move really fast.

  75. angela says:

    here’s a secret: we cashiers do not care about your quarter after you’ve already given us what you are paying with. if you wanna use the damn quarter, get it out before you end the transaction. and yelling “Look, I’ve got a quarter!” is just straight up irritating and counterproductive.

    just puttin that out there for ya. usually like your blog, but not so much for this entry.

  76. bohica says:

    Angela: admit it. The reason you don’t care about his quarter after we’ve already given what we’re paying with is because if you’ve punched the amount in, you have NO IDEA how to make change. If a machine isn’t going to tell you what to give us, you’re screwed. Come on, admitting it will set you free: you didn’t pass basic math. I owe you $1.82, give you $2.02 and you can’t figure out that you owe me .20. That’s the REAL reason, isn’t it?

  77. Jenny says:

    Waiter, I’m sure you weren’t trying to con the clerk, but the math in the story still doesn’t make sense. Why would you get a ten, a five and some ones back? It just needs clarification.

  78. bobevans waitress says:

    78 replies and no one asked what “friendo” was supposed to mean? I read the entire thing in suspense of what that was and it never came.

  79. karen says:

    It’s your garbage. Why are stores obligated to provide us with trash cans?

  80. Michelle says:

    People are always going to be jerks and inconsiderate of others (like the woman in the post office). The point is that it’s only going to hurt you when you get angry about something. Trust me, I’ve been there. If you get frustrated at one place, and then at another, your annoyance is just going to build. The best thing to do is leave the store if it’s packed (I never shop when a store is crowded because I know I’ll get pissed), shop another time, and go home, kick up your heels, and have a drink. Life’s too short to be pissed off.

  81. Michelle says:

    Also, I don’t really want to give my money to a store who makes a ton of money but can’t be bothered to have more than a few lanes open at once (are you listening, Walmart?). It’s bad customer service to have customers stand in line for 10 minutes and it’s unfair to the clerks who bear the brunt of the customers’ frustration.

  82. Clay says:

    Let me help you with that image of bikini-clad redheads:


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  85. Andrea says:

    McMurdo Station is all the way in Antartica (:

    (where the other stargate is :P)


    Report Abuse

    Quote Member

    Male, Age Private, Montreal, QC

    Posted Mar 14

    Posted by Dik_Lik in another group: [YO, I KNO ALL U LOSERS WANT TO FUK MY SHIET, SO FUK IT U LOSERS, FUK IT GOOD]

    Another donation for this byetch of the ho3nation,
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    ur watery nut brain sure needs a flip or rotation,
    u been a real @$$HOl3 while u ate one,
    and one filled ur @nus when his lil mate come,
    u above all losers u sale ur rear for a penny deal,
    thats the only way u managed to fukk as much as benny hill,
    or should i say getting fukked for u like beeing taken from behind,
    and u so cheap and affordable beggars cant help but beeing blind,
    ur only role model is the masturbating bear in conan o’brien,
    u wish u would be a hero like Silent,
    u aint nothin but a lost case,
    whenever u posted u lost face,
    the only clic u represent is the trannies with a tiny dick,
    i wish u were more crazy cause u arent crazy enuff to fight me bytch,
    Dik_Lik is the name u own,
    u a sick pryck and when they aimed u moaned,
    they came by crowds like in a spectrum,
    invade and over violated ur rectum,
    now urs leak and u walk like a penguin,
    shyt u post like u’re on heroin,
    i dont care about ur munchie i dont care if u’re grumby,
    i aint like u no one humps me i bump they bow i’m bumpy,
    u in a state of mind that would disgust even a zombie,
    and if u wronged Blackshirt then u wronged me,
    u can call him blacksheep all u want cause a balcksheep has confidence,
    to be different enuff not to fall in a chain with trannies as dominance,
    u such a fag at first i thought u were just a gag,
    man i dont know why u still in AA dont u see u are flagged,
    no one loves you not even ur own p3nis,
    you are a burden to him he wish u’d just cut him off and end this,
    yeah i’m adressing the message to you mr.retard,
    u hysterical trannie with the extra #3 part,
    heard u went to the dermatologist when he saw u he went oh my,
    said he aint gonna work on ur face cause it loked like no gurl-no guy,
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    ur adress has no numbers it reads maytag’s,
    and when ur fukkfriends the popo passes by they holla Hey fag!!,
    ur bums suffering from a short career u hop like astronauts,
    i remembered u uploading william hung as ur profile pic ,
    i can only imagine how fuggly u are mr .”immobile” dyck,
    i bet u wake up in the morning hair puffed up like krammer in seinfeld,
    face the toilet and shake ur tiny blind eel,
    marched over ur washrooms floor ater u irrigate it with sperm,
    brush ur teeths without washing ur hands after u scratched the irritated worm,
    u are an anomaly even to the most abnormal,
    and every time u meet horny junkies in the gettho ur behind absorbs mo,
    i feel sorry for the ppl from LaPalma,
    and u know u just a virgin in the frontside thats why u sale ur rear to calm ya!!!
    U know u just a low fag no women are having you,
    and now u come like a weak makak and cry on asian avenue,
    if i wos italian i’d tell u (va-fa-nable),
    oh but wait u already did u the douchebag that all the fags played ;D

  87. Madarourke says:

    Oh fuck that, after someone pays, the transaction is done. I was a cashier, it sucks when you count out all the appropriate change and then some clever jackass finds exact change. Annoying as hell.

  88. southerngirl says:

    I work in a retail store. I can’t help it when we are understaffed and there are not enough lines open. I hate it when people leave the line and dump stuff all over the store. Then I have to waste time to put it all back up. I know you were upset but it makes me upset when customers have no regard for what us employees have to clean up. I know this is an older post but I had to put my two cents in.

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