TV Land

I’m very happy to announce that the good people at BermanBraun, an independent production company, have optioned Waiter Rant for development as a television series. My deep thanks to Gail Berman and Lloyd Braun for their faith in the material I’ve created and their willingness to develop it in a new and exciting way. Thanks are also due to Nick Harris, my agent at Rabineau, Wachter and Sanford for bringing us together.This is going to be fun!

So here’s the big question. Who is going to play me? Hmmm…..the comments should be interesting for this one.

216 thoughts on “TV Land”

  1. Sarah the Second says:


  2. Sarah the Second says:

    If Philip Seymour Hoffman ever does TV…. (I can’t believe I got firsties!)

  3. Kelly says:


  4. reg says:

    How about Dustin Hoffman to play your part … a good thousand-yard-stare to scare kids! Congrats on all your recent good fortune Waiter!

  5. Sarah the Second says:

    If you were British it would be Ricky Gervais all the way….

  6. Covarr says:

    It depends. If “My Name Is Earl” ever gets cancelled (unlikely), then Ethan Suplee would be great. That guy is way more talented than he seems at first glance. Otherwise, the role will be destroyed and you’ll be played by Tracy Morgan.

  7. ShaolinTiger says:

    I’d go for Ricky Gervais too 😀 It’s a shame your not a Brit haha.

  8. The Waitress says:


    Congratulations! I can’t wait to see what comes of it. 🙂

  9. Lunch is Not a Date says:

    Congrats! And on the next book, too. That should be fun. Would make a great reality show if you could film it, too, eh?

  10. Christine says:

    They could just hire my co- workers…because I think they would so fit the descriptions in your book.

  11. Chris S says:

    How about Bradley Cooper, the guy that played Jack Bourdain on Kitchen Confidential?

  12. Danicus says:

    Rainn Wilson. Hilariously funny fellow.

    Ricky Gervais would be awesome, too.

  13. Andrea says:

    Congratulations! And to think, we all knew you when…

  14. Delilah says:

    Waiter that’s awesome… as for who could play you? Hmmm… it would have to be an every guy with attitude… Sorry I don’t watch network so have no idea who is out there…

  15. Bruce Harlick says:

    Good luck, Waiter! May it fare better than Kitchen Confidential did. I hope to be able to watch the show one of these days soon.

  16. meglena says:

    A TV series! Wow! Waiter that’s great. I can’t really imagine who should play the Waiter – someone suave, cool, funny and a little bit scary…
    I hope that the show is a big success.
    Will you be doing guest appearances?
    Godd luck

  17. Jonathan says:

    I think it should either be shot in first-person or never really show the face. The anonymity was always a nice touch and very important on your blog, after all!

  18. DiamondDaveeO says:

    Lloyd Braun? Really?! So that’s what he did after he got out of the nut-house. I guess thats better than going back to work selling computers out of George Costanza’s dad’s garage…Cool
    Anyway, I think the guy who plays Doug Heffernan on “King of Queens” would be great for the part of Waiter.

  19. johnnybgood says:

    Wow Waiter! This is BIG time!
    I hope Jerry Seinfeld plays the part..haha!

  20. Sara says:

    The obvious answer? Russell Crowe! 🙂

  21. Fiona says:

    Big thumbs up! And your book has arrived on our shelves here in Hong Kong. I’m now the proud owner of a copy 🙂

  22. A Fan says:

    George Wendt

  23. JR says:

    David Spade would be perfect for the role…

  24. FLG says:

    Man. I’m happy for you, I think it’s awesome that you’re hitting the big time, but I just hope this doesn’t turn into Kitchen Confidential 😀

    I think Matthew Perry could be a good choice for this.

  25. johnnybgood says:

    if they make it into a comedy movie Adam Sandler would be great for the role! Bhwahahaha!

  26. dawn says:

    Jason Alexander…..?

  27. dan-E says:

    for some reason, i’m picturing robert deniro, even though he’d never do tv. imagine him doing the waiter stare, or dealing with some yuppies trying to squeeze their way in on a busy weekend.

    also fitting, since he can easily play the erudite jerk, would be kelsey grammar… if he was way younger.

    luis guzman could be armando. for some reason i’m picturing fluvio played by james gandolfini.

    marlon brando would have been great in that role if he was still alive:

    “… you found paradise in american. you had a good selection, there were olive gardens everywhere and you didn’t need a friend like me. now you come to me and say ‘fluvio, give me fettucini alfredo.’ But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer good tips. You don’t even think to call me chef. Instead, you come into my restaurant on the day my reservations are overbooked and you ask me to cook americanized crap.

    “bonasera, bonasera. what have i ever done to deserve this disrespect?”

  28. B says:

    Obviously Russell Crowe. Aren’t you two BFFs now? 🙂

  29. Jetty says:

    Will Ferrel!!! 😀

  30. JaysPlays says:

    That is simply beyond my wildest dreams! Whilst reading the book, I was itching to convert it to a stage play, as I could see how this could play out with actors… But to land a TV option…! Kudos to you Waiter (still feels odd to call you Steve).

    If this makes the small screen, I hope they talk to BBC America so we Brits will get the chance to see it!

    Again, many congratulations! You’re making non-professionally produced writers like myself extraordinarily jealous – but proud of you!


  31. Becs says:

    This is great, Waiter. Many congrats! I hope you’re saving all that dough. Maybe you can retire sooner than you ever dreamed.

  32. Deborah Dowd says:

    That is great! I guess there are lots of people who identify with the Waiter!

  33. caitlin says:

    This just keeps getting better and better for you,huh? If this goes for a series, I see Rainn Wilson(The Office, Six Feet Under) playing you.

  34. Chris says:

    To play you?

    Only one option . . . Nathan Lane!

    (sorry, Mr. Dublanica – I have been waiting to use that one ever since someone mentioned that you look vaguely like him, and you were a tad insulted by the reference. )

    And BTW, your book was great. And I rarely buy books at full price, but for you, I made an exeption. Figured I owe you something for reading your blog for all those years and never putting anything in the tip jar. The waiter Gods were gonna catch up with me one day.

    All the best!

  35. shimmers999 says:

    didn’t u say about wishing that “maybe” Russell Crowe could play you in your book? hahhah…

    or… maybe YOU should play you?!! 😀

    make sure the series comes here to Malaysia ya! can’t wait! congrats again!

  36. Kittynn says:

    Ricky Gervais!

  37. Doogie says:

    Dan Akroyd would be my bet.

  38. J says:

    Some food critic was on NPR this weekend, reviewing your book and she sounded like this annoying, pain in the ass customer that you would never want to have as a customer at your table. Shockingly, she didn’t like your book. God, she was terrible.

    Congrats on the TV thing.

  39. Zayrina says:

    Whoa, wow, geeeze, I never imagined your “little book” going this far. I hope you have great representation to get you a good deal.

    Continued best wishes waiter!

  40. mr lim says:

    Hmm, as much as I wish the best for all your endeavours, I really hope whoever is doing your show won’t screw it up.

  41. Liz says:

    I was thinking John Candy, but he’s dead, isn’t he.

    Congratulations on the series option – although it’s just further confirmation of how American TV has gone down the toilet.

  42. Chris Davy says:

    I can’t believe nobody has suggested Ed Norton.

  43. Waiter says:

    Let me clarify! I’ve sold the option rights to BB. They will try and develop WR into a TV show. It’s not a done deal! (There’s a writer to hire, networks to pitch, pilots to film. jellybeans for my trailer to buy!) As things progress, I’ll keep you all in the loop!

  44. Average Jane says:

    I’m just glad someone will be ranting again. That’s why I started reading. I’m sad this blog is all promotion and no more ranting 🙁 Can’t wait for the show.

  45. Christie says:

    I loved your book and thought it would be a great TV show. As far as who could play you, I don’t know. I envision you as more than fairly attractive. I think it should be an unknown actor.

  46. S. Woody White says:

    I’d go for Simon Pegg.

    Yeah, he’s a brit, but he’s brilliant.

    The other option would be to have Waiter played by nobody, to have everything done from his point of view, where he is the camera. But that’s too hard to shoot.

  47. Sarah says:

    Congrats Steve!!! That’s awesome.

    I agree that Matthew Perry or Ed Norton would be great. But also maybe Ryan Reynolds.

    Best wishes!

  48. garricks says:

    I think I agree with the poster who said that it should be shot in first person.

    Congrats on the option!

  49. Hubbard says:

    Hm, I think the waiter should be Eugene Levy. Much as I love Ricky Gervalis, he should be Fluvio. Cast Neil Patrick Harris as Louis.

  50. rosie says:

    It’s so strange to think that I started reading this blog a couple of years ago and what’s come of it! Congratulations! 🙂

    Blatantly need Ricky Gervais to play you.

  51. Julie says:

    Michael C. Hall, of Dexter. I don’t think he’d take any asshole customers’ shit, he’d just murder them in the men’s room.

  52. under sundog says:

    Vin Diesel is the only man for a job. Actually that should’ve been a stipulation of your option contract.

  53. Jen says:

    Wow! I’m SO excited for you! I’ve been lurking on your site but this piece of news just needed some exclamation points! 🙂 That’s awesome that your venture is taking you so far. I wish ya tons of luck!

  54. NYC Diner says:

    Manuel from Fawlty Towers.

  55. Anonymous says:

    Major kudos and congrats, sir! Amazing where a blog can take you.

  56. LCH says:

    Ed Norton would be a cool choice. Also, Brian O’Halloran. I doubt Samuel L. Jackson would go for it.

  57. Edy says:

    That totally rocks for you! Yay!

  58. Lizzy says:

    Ed Norton would be an awesome pick! Congrats Waiter! I can’t wait to see how it all turns out!

  59. nell says:

    Wallace Langham could be a good choice to play Waiter.

    He plays Hodges on CSI (the original). See his photos here:

    He has a natural gift for the 1000 yard stare.

  60. SleepyNita says:

    I vote for Justin Long, the Mac commercial guy.

  61. Peggy says:

    Wow! Congratuations.

    Who should play you? My nomination is Chris Parnell, former Saturday Night Live cast member. He’s recently played characters on 30 Rock, and last Saturday night he was Jim Lehrer on the debate segment of this week’s SNL.

  62. jcrodriguez says:

    Oh WOW!!! Congratulations Steve! Talk about the “big time”!

    I share the Ricky Gervais opinion, but I see you, I see your humor, and I imagine the Thousand Yard Stare coming from the one and only Rainn Wilson. Dude, he IS you! This is going to be AWESOME!

  63. Goldie says:

    Holy cow! It just keeps getting better and better. Congrats!!
    Ricky Gervais sounds good. I’m also thinking Steve Carell for some reason.

  64. Angie says:

    Rainn Wilson! Very funny guy who can probably “thousand yard stare” anyone into submission.

    Best of luck with this. Hope you got something on the front end.

  65. trsh says:

    We were just talking at work how their should be a Waiting-style tv show, a la The Office- the insider’s world. There sure are plenty enough servers in this country that would watch it just to have something to sympathize with after a long day of work.

    and hell if i’m not one for british actors – i think Simon Pegg would be a great Waiter!

  66. Bill says:

    Any of the following would be great:

    Nathan Lane, Paul Giamatti, Tom Cruise

  67. admin says:

    I think the Tom Cruise one was your effort at kindness! 😉

  68. Michael says:

    Congratulations, Steve! Given one of your long-ago blog entries, I nominate Jean Reno. Talk about a thousand-yard stare. 🙂 He can do an american accent, can’t he? (Actually, no, I don’t think he can…)

  69. Dacatus says:

    Psh. I want to see who would play Beth! And Saroya. Olega. And all the girls!

    Gratz there Waiter, looks like you found your calling. Any plans to change your moniker to The Writer? (j/k)

  70. Kathy says:

    Loved the book – brought back happy (?) memories of my waitstaff days many moons ago. Best of luck w/possible TV series.

  71. Andre says:

    Well done Mr. Waiter.
    I see you has John Cusack. He doesn’t have a natural killer stare. While being able to build a character such as yours…

  72. Cosmo's Human says:


    Ricky Gervais

    Jean Reno

    Edward Norton

    My brother, cause he is way funny.

  73. Donfield says:

    Great news. If this gets greenlighted, you’ll be able to look yourself up on IMDB.

  74. squigs says:

    That’s pretty good.

    Although I will warn you to not get your hopes up too high too early. TV Land is a fickle place.

    But anyway, my vote for the actor would be Mr. T. “I pity the fool who leaves a bad tip!”

  75. bohica says:

    Simon Pegg could do a great job; or Ricky Gervais. Both are deserving of consideration.

    This is a true example of how far you can go if you just dream big. Yowza. Tres cool.

  76. Jeff says:

    Is John Goodman still available?

  77. anon says:

    Honestly, I love reading this blog, but turning it into a tv series? I just don’t think it would be too funny…but hey, best of luck, and if it happens…hope I’m wrong! 🙂

  78. Fredo says:

    Niel Patrick Harris.

  79. lawrie taylor says:

    Paul Giamatti would be great as the Waiter. He is sensitive and has great inner resources.

  80. S. Woody White says:

    Thinking things over again, getting someone who is already established as a film or television star is probably not a good idea. For one thing, they demand higher salaries. Who ever heard of a waiter demanding a higher salary?

    That being the case, I suggest looking over the ranks of actors who are currently starring on Broadway or Off-Broadway, but haven’t crossed over yet. (But forget that kid in Equus. He’s already got a film career, he’s way too young, and television isn’t all that keen on full-frontal nudity.)

  81. Flex says:

    John Goodman would be good but the best would be Drew Carey.

  82. P-Girl says:

    Brad Pitt!

  83. JMB says:

    Wow! Talk about hitting it big! I figured this would be one of those 15 minutes of fame things (no offense. Tons of people write a single book then fade back into the background). I’m so excited that all this stuff is happening for you!

  84. hot coffee girl says:

    I am thinking that my vote HAS to be for the Mac guy. I think Drew Carey would be funny…but too “Drew” to pull it off.

    Whoever it is, Congratulations! Nice work.

  85. Jim Ashworth says:

    Come on! David Mitchell all the way! He has exactly the right calibre and slightly supercilious tone! And having a Brit do it could be brilliant. Ricky Gervais would be awful, I’m afraid. He is typecast by The Office (English one)

  86. tom says:

    no one should play you, use a handcam technique “through your eyes” keep it anonymous

  87. Bananas in the Falklands says:

    Liked your book, and it has to be kevin spacey

  88. Moises says:

    Being reallistic…

    Dave Foley could be a good choice.

    He was great on News Radio and I think that he might fit the character.

  89. tinyhands says:

    Why are people naming actors in their late 40s and 50s? This material is likely to be targeted at the typical 18-34 demo.

    I see that Jerry O’Connell is unemployed again. If anyone even REMOTELY suggests that as a serious option, please walk away. That dude is sitcom-strychnine. My picks would be Ray Stevenson (Rome) or Rick Gomez (Band of Brothers).

    Please promise that if a non-American actor is chosen, you’ll allow the character to have an accent. Not that I hate fake-American accents, but it simply isn’t necessary and presumably it’ll be set in NYC where I’m told there’s an immigrant or two. We can handle it.

  90. Bob Dobbs says:

    Congrats on the easy money. Whether or not the series gets made, the option money is nice.

    As for playing you, I’d go with Oliver Platt, but he’s probably too expensive.

  91. Amy says:

    Come on, it just has to be ADRIEN BRODY, right??

    You said yourself that a few people imagined you to be like him before you went public!

    Failing that, can’t you just play yourself? You know the character first hand, after all 😉

  92. Adam says:

    If not Ed Norton;

    Christopher Walken!

  93. Jackie says:

    Let me hop on the congratulations bandwagon. Oh, and I look forward to this as a TV series or movie. That would be great! A perfect fit.

  94. Anonymous says:

    Congratulations and Good luck!
    How about either Jason Alexander or Drew Carey?

  95. Kat says:

    I hope all of the negotiations, etc.. so through successfully.
    Josh Peck would be a great choice.

  96. Eric says:

    Wayne Brady? (Yes, I realize that there’s the little issue that you two look nothing alike, but I like his acting, and he is by far a better choice than Drew “The Price is Right” Carey)

    Or, in what could possibly be the best casting suggestion yet … Steve Dublanica. Who else can play the part with the feeling of someone that has actually been there, done that? Not to mention a dead-on thousand yard waiter stare.

  97. Lone Waitress says:

    I think they would do well to have a new face play you. It would be complimentary to the stealth mode you were in for so long! If they do pick a known actor I think Zach Braff though he doesn’t resemble you, would pull off the “character” nicely. Congrats and I can’t wait to see this show!

  98. Lone Waitress says:

    I just read someone suggested Neil Patrick Harris…that’s brilliant! I would love to see him in a series like this!!

  99. lakelady says:

    some brilliant unknown actor so history can repeat itself if it’s successful.

    Or on the other hand if it bombs because it’s been twisted into something unfunny and unrecognizable it will harm an unknown’s career less.

  100. Aussie Ben says:

    Seth Rogen!

  101. B-Girl says:

    Awesome! Hope it really happens (and doesn’t get destroyed by the network). If it does happen, I’ll have to get TiVo or something so I will never miss it! Many of the actors people have suggested are way wrong, too old or wrong physical type (John Goodman? Come on, people). I agree that Brian O’Halloran would be good, right physical type and has already proved he knows how the play someone in the service industry. Congrats on the option.

  102. scaffnet says:

    I hope you got paid enough money so that you don’t care how badly done or just plain wrong the show, should it get made, eventually is.

  103. AlanWaiter says:

    It would be great if you got some say in who got to play your character. As an actor/waiter… I would love to play you. Any information on where headshots and resumes can be sent? =)

  104. Elisse says:

    A TV SHOW?! Wow, when you get your break you get your BREAK! Amazing!! I’m a screenwriter and that’s the dream!! I found your blog as I was doing my MA in Screenwriting in 2006 and it inspired me for months as I read through all the archives, especially since I worked in restaurants for 7 years. I’m so happy for you (and not a little bit jealous, I must admit)!

    I agree with others and think that Rainn Wilson should play you. Are you going to be involved in writing the show?

  105. Debbie says:

    It has to be Kelsey Grammer.

  106. Kent Hovind says:

    Will the Soup Nazi be appearing?

  107. The Archivist says:

    Congrats for the potential tv show!!

    Tim Curry would be a shoe in for the role of “The Waiter”…

  108. Chris says:

    Jason Bateman

  109. lauraly says:

    Rainn Wilsoncould play you. Or Clive Owen…yeah…Clive Owen.

  110. Corbs says:

    I have not read the book yet, but going by the blog, think it would be better if it were not a comedy. Those moments at home or in the park don’t need comedy. What about:

    Gary Sinese
    Bill Paxton
    David Duchovny
    Hank Azaria

    And if it is a comedy, I think it needs to be dark. Alan Rickman. Can’t you see him cutting out a patron’s heart with a spoon!

  111. Joe C says:

    I like the idea of Matthew Perry, but Matthew Perry ten years ago, if you are starting it when you are starting serving. Zach Braff would be good, if he is able to shake playing JD on Scrubs. Ellen Page could do Beth, and instead of Gandolfini, Federico Castelluccio, who played Furio on the Sopranos, could do Fluvio.


  112. Jay says:

    Hell yeah! That’s awesome, Waiter, no matter what comes of it. Not many people get the chance to take the trip you’re currently on. But I have to agree with a couple people up there. In addition to keeping us in the loop promo-wise, throw a bone to your loyal readers!

    We sort of got cut off, cold turkey. How about one of those fictionalized ones about the detective? Maybe just some general day-to-day? Or some observations/characteristics about some of the new people you’re working with?Could be fun!

  113. KenC says:

    Yes, the possibilities are endless.

    Waiterrant – The Opera

    Waiter – The Movie

    In fact if there is a TV series then the link below may be an inspiration for the theme tune !

    In all sincerity hope everything works out with this.

  114. Diane Duane says:

    Waiter dear —

    First of all, congrats on your NYTBSL success! Those of us who’ve done the list every now and then know the crazy rush you get the first time. May you have it again, repeatedly. We’re proud of you! (Especially when a book’s involved that implies telling a particularly annoying kind of Truth To Power — the power being the purchasing dollar of previously clueless diners.)

    And now welcome to the madness that is TV Land. An option is a great thing, and you’re to be congratulated again! Anything that can convince film/TV people to put down hard cash in this economic climate obviously has a lot going for it. Just be prepared for things to go wildly, bizarrely differently than you think they will at the moment. (And this can mean unexpected good things as well as bad ones.)

    So fasten your seatbelt…! (And you know the rest of the quote.) 😉

  115. DewdropDream says:

    OH MY GOD!!!! CONGRATULATIONNS!!! And I vote for Hugh Laurie to play you!!!

  116. Dan says:

    Hi Waiter,

    While there is a great deal of discussion as to who which actor would make a good YOU, I can’t help but think of the possibilities for one-off appearances of named-actors as customers in the restaurant. Guess who’s coming to dinner: John Malkovich and a party of 5 at 7:30? You could have a lot of fun with this.

    I hope this works out for you…


  117. Heater says:

    Lloyd Braun – I <3 Seinfeld.

  118. Adrian says:

    Ahhh man, that would be great, Waiter..! Do you remember your post about your “Mental Image“? And I quote…

    A few readers told me they were disappointed that I didn’t look like Adrian Brody!


  119. Michelle S. says:

    Michael C. Hall or Christopher Walkin! Great suggestions…but could I play your girlfriend? You know, the one you mentioned but won’t talk about?

    Congrats on all your success!

  120. Oshiriko says:

    Why can’t Waiter play himself?

  121. Anonymous says:

    John Candy? David Spade? That’s kinda insulting.

  122. deejayess49 says:

    I sure hope – but doubt – that you can have input/choices into the show. We sure can do without another “everybody facing the camera instead of who they’re talking to/stupid, unfunny lines with audience? laughter in the background, standard sitcom formular crap. On the other hand, make $$$ now while there still is some $$$ to be made!

  123. Mr. Guinness says:

    My vote for You would be Charlie Sheen, and I like “Paulie” from the Soprano’s as Fluvio. Good Luck with it, could be a great series.
    Mr. Guinness

  124. Sarah the Second says:

    Actually, yeah. Matt Perry WOULD be good! Look into it! 😛

  125. Jeff says:

    I thought you said Russell Crowe would play you?

  126. QueenOphelia says:

    Whoo hooo…that’s amazing news!

    Obviously you won’t get a movie star like Ed Norton or Russel Crowe, and Rain Wilson ain’t leaving The Office anytime soon….

    Nathan lane and Tim Currie are good choices.

    Jason Bateman is sitcom death!!

    How about….Jason Alexander (although he does suffer from the Seinfeld curse)

  127. JeffM says:

    Kyle Bornheimer

  128. Dee says:

    Um, Waiter, this is all great, and I am indeed happy for your success. But I am sick of not getting any real stories, and instead just getting all this self-congratulations on your site. It’s seriously egotistical to ask other people who will play you.

  129. Neb says:

    Dee. If you’re sick of this site don’t come. The waiter belongs to himself, not to you. If I had written a bestseller, been optioned for a TV show and had another book in the works, I’d stoke my effing ego a little too. The only people who are afraid of egotism are those who haven’t ever done anything great.

  130. Neb says:

    and Neil Patrick Harris would be awesome.

  131. Katy says:

    I have to second David Spade. While I am not his biggest fan, he is very good at the cynic sarcasm that could deliver killer one liners week after week…. source municipal, etc.

  132. Clay says:

    There is the perfect actor (without a lot of work right now) for this job – Chris Eigeman. He actually played a sarcastic waiter in the movie “Crazy Little Thing” with Jenny McCarthy. He’s the right age for the part (43) and has the perfect voice for the role.

    He’s done TV (Malcomb in the Middle, Gilmore Girls), and movies “Metropolitan”, “Barcelona”, etc.

    No offense on this either, but he’ll probably work for cheap.

  133. Emery in Maui in Virginia says:

    First congratulations! Yay!
    Second: Your brother should play you. He’d have that edge……..
    Third: Johnny Depp should play you
    Fourth – audtions all over the country, a la reality TV. We can all vote that way.
    Fifth: all of us loyal readers should be allowed to play obnoxious customers!

  134. gailsie says:

    I think tom’s idea of having the movie viewed through your eyes would be great, however I was going to go with Philip Seymour Hoffman. But Neil Patrick Harris would be great, too.

  135. Dr. Electro says:

    No, not Neil Patrick Harris. He’s too much of a simpering wanker to play you! Having seen you on TV, I have to say it is hard to figure who could do you justice. Somebody on the order of a modern-day Jackie Gleason could pull it off with class and style. I would bet that B B are going for the comic angle since you are a funny guy naturally.

  136. Zeerow says:

    I’m thinking Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon on Big Bang Theory

    Gratz Waiter!

  137. L. says:

    Tom Hanks of course!

  138. mw says:

    Jon Hamm. But I’m shallow and love hot men.

  139. thy says:

    I can’t say I’m ecstatic, but I hope it all goes well for you, Waiter.

  140. James says:

    Ready for this? Patrick Warburton. The guy’s got great delivery and imagine him doing the thousand-yard stare at a small child.

  141. Amanda says:

    I’d go with the First Person scenario – that’d be ground breaking AND fun. Find someone with a fantastically dry, sarcastic voice.

    Imagine the scenarios! As FP, we can watch you write “love notes” on your order pad; as FP, we can enjoy watching someone squirm close up as they get “The Stare”. Fun!

  142. shelley says:

    That is so awesome!!! Ignore the jealousy! We are all so happy for you. And your new books looks hilarious…I’m mad that I didn’t come up with such a great idea!

    I think you would be perfect to play the role yourself, but to me, the obvious choice would be Drew Carey! I’m surprised no one mentioned that…unless I missed it. I mean, its kind of hard to read 139 comments! LOL Good luck!

  143. shelley says:

    Sorry, I meant book-as in singular-for now, anyway. 🙂

  144. shelley says:

    Now I’m just stalking. I think the guy who plays Sheldon would be good, too, you know when the show gets canceled, anyway. And that’s a big no on Neil Patrick Harris because I love him too much on How I met your Mother! Can you feel his awesomeness?

  145. Eric says:

    I know this is far fetched, but I think John Cleese would bring the house down as you…

    Remember “Faulty Towers”? ..

    Congrats anyway Waiter.. 🙂

  146. Aurelia says:


  147. The Fat Lady Sings says:

    Wow. Things are really moving fast for you. How wonderful. You know – I remember seeing an interview with John Patrick Shanley right after he won the Academy Award for ‘Moonstruck’. He said that exactly one year previous he had been living out of his car. That’s how much life changed for him in a single year.

    See you at the Oscars!

  148. dave the rave says:

    Al Pachino? “Say hello to my little friend”

    Or Ron perlman in full Hellboy outfit

  149. stepanek says:

    wow, that is some serious news Waiter! I am really happy for you and i hope this will be a success unlike the Kitchen Confidential TV Series which i liked but the generla american public did not as the show was canned pretty fast

  150. Sharona says:

    I Agree with Danicus…….Rainn Wilson would be PERFECT to play you…..Congrats to all your success..well deserving !

  151. Ava says:

    Holy Cow!
    Diane Chambers and Carla Tortelli will need to move aside. You’re taking your place in TV waiting along side them.

    I can’t wait.

  152. LisaBinDaCity says:

    All this good news, I’m simply delighted for you! Well done 🙂

    Also, just finished reading your book and I REALLY enjoyed it.

  153. Hibryd says:

    Well, no one’s brought it up so far, but the problem might be that “you” wouldn’t be the main character.

    “Waiter Rant” is about the world of waiting, and when you’re introducing an audience to an unfamiliar world, you don’t do it through the eyes of the expert. You toss a newbie into the environment, and as they learn, so does the audience.

    Movies, adhering to a 3-act structure, center around characters like Luke Skywalker or Neo, who have to learn the terrain as they go. TV shows either start out with a new character coming onto the scene, or like “Scrubs”, have all your main characters stumble around for a few seasons.

    My point being is that if they develop a “Waiter Rant” series, your part would most likely be the Obi-Wan (or, to go back to “Scrubs”, Dr. Cox) who guides/brow-beats a newbie into competence, allowing the series to educate the audience through the education of their on-screen surrogate.

  154. spider says:

    Rainn Wilson would indeed be fantastic, but he won’t leave the office.

    The Kelsey Grammer vote made me laugh, because I was thinking David Hyde Pierce.

    However, I think Gregory Smith would be fantastic.

  155. SyburJedi says:

    I’d like to see Philip Seymour Hoffman or Jack Black in the role.

  156. Nikki says:

    I would say Matthew Perry (Chandler, Friends) would be a good choice.

    Or the guy who plays Dr. Morris on ER. They will be done this year.

    Either one could capture the personality if not exactly your looks.

    Jack Black would be best but he won’t do TV.

  157. marco says:

    holy crap! Congratulation!! Keep ridin that wave brutha…

    Oh and Gary Busey 🙂

  158. Squishy says:

    I don’t think ‘wacky’ comedians like Jack Black or Matthew Perry would fit the theme. You need someone who can be BOTH wacky and dead-pan, yet have an air of sophistication (this IS a rather upscale eatery). I think Kelsey Grammar or Neil Patrick Harris could accomplish all of these. John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox) could work if he dialed back the intensity.

  159. tasha says:

    Congratulations! I hope it ends up on a major network. Hope you’ll make a ton of money off it. 😉

    I think you should play yourself in the role, or else a little or unknown actor. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of this. 🙂

  160. Marilyn says:

    Oh for the love of God, JOHN CLEESE! Oh, I am getting the giggles just picturing it!

  161. Brett L. says:

    Steve, that’s just fantastic. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy 🙂

    – Long time reader, future watcher!

  162. nunya says:

    Congratulations! 🙂 I’m thinking Brendan Fraser.

  163. johnnybgood says:

    Steve Martin! perfect!

  164. xkitchenstaff says:

    I shudder to think what they’ll do to you, Waiter.

    As your story won’t test well as it is, they’ll make a few tweaks to the situation.

    1)The Bistro in NYC will become Wok This Way, a Chinese take-out joint in San Francisco.

    2)You will be recast as a buxom, blonde mother of two with a degree in economics who is an aspiring actor, wating for her big break.

    3)Fluvio will become a flamboyant Mexican whos disapproving, crusty mother owns the restaurant.

    4) Your thousand-yard-stare will become a viral catch-phrase (“here we go again!” or “not another one!”)

    5) The POS system will be haunted by the wacky ghost of the previous owner (is Rip Taylor still alive?)

    The show will premiere as a mid-season replacement for the failed remake of “My Mother the Car”, will air twice and be cancelled, replaced by reruns of “Knight Rider III”

  165. Eric says:

    Perhaps the interesting question is not who will play the Waiter, but who will play the supporting roles

    Fluvio – I’d love to see this role played by a real chef … Bourdain? Emeril? Gordon Ramsay?

    Louis – I’m thinking Wallace Langham (the guy that plays Hodges on CSI)

    Beth – I’m thinking Jennifer Aniston … although it may be too close to her role in Office Space … Maybe Amanda Bynes? Melissa Joan Hart? Alyson Hannigan?

  166. goff says:

    Congratulations! I cant wait to see those! I used to live in the states and worked in the restaurant business for at least 5 years. Now Im back home in Thailand. I came across to your book a month ago in the local book store. It gives me a lot of those good and ‘not so good’ memories back then.. I LOVE IT!

  167. Barb says:

    Wow! congratulations! I agree with the person who said the guy who plays Doug Heffernan on “King of Queens”, he’s a great everyman. This is so awesome for you.

  168. Sandra says:

    So awesome! Who would’ve thought your life could come to this! You deserve all the credit for all your hard work and putting up with unsavory characters throughout the course of your years in the gig. Congratulations!

  169. S. Woody White says:

    Norbert Leo Butz.

    Yeah, most of you are saying “never heard of him”, but that’s because he’s done a lot of theater instead of film or television.

    Very good credentials, won the Tony for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (which also gives him points for doing comedy), just about the right age. And he can sing, so if an episode has the restaurant trying “opera night” he could actually pull it off.

    He does have some film credentials (such as Dan in Real Life, supporting role), and television (an episode of Law & Order – anyone based in New York City with any cred has done an episode of Law & Order). And he’s probably at the point where he’ll be a big break-out star, if someone has the sense to put him in the right role. Which “The Waiter” could be.

  170. May says:

    Brad Garrett

  171. Victoria says:

    Hey Mr D.!

    Can’t wait for your book to be launched in Singapore!!!
    Anyway… u might wanna consider going to different countries as well as a possible extension of the book to find out more abt the service industry in other countries and the different tipping cultures. 🙂 ust an idea.

  172. Anonymous says:

    Bob Saget… he has the stare.

  173. Thomas says:

    I’d say that Tom Arnold should play you if it was still 1990.;) What about Seth Rogen?

  174. mykolw says:

    Ron Livingston with Jennifer Aniston recreating the restaurant magic from Office Space

  175. Dani says:

    Dane Cook!!!

  176. Joe says:

    Greg Grunberg?

  177. dogg says:

    How about that gay guy Anton from the Bravo show Blowout?

  178. Heidi says:

    Rainn Wilson would be PERFCT!!!! COME ON!!!!!!

    Must must must!!!

  179. shari says:

    Bob Saget?! EW!
    That’s an insult….

  180. db 345 dinerwaiter says:

    Television must really be getting super crappy to wan to make your crappy book into a series. Oh well Insane,but look for Tales From a Greek Diner at your book stores soon. Hell if Waiter Rant made it so can mine, you SUCK buddy, but congrats anyways. Anybody that can get out of this servitutde business is okay with me,even tho your book did suck bye

  181. Brad says:

    Tom Selleck

  182. Anne says:

    Congrats! I think that Timothy Hutton would be ideal.

  183. Rachel says:

    I thought Matthew Perry too!

  184. Jo says:

    I was really in favor of the Ricky Gervais idea until someone mentioned Michael C. Hall. That would be perfect. Call him up.

    And while I’d like to hear some “real stories,” to those saying they’re sick of hearing about the book, I say, If YOU wrote a book that became a best seller and within a couple of months had sold the option to become a TV show, you would be bragging too, and you know it.

  185. 50_Dave says:

    There is always russel crowe to play you!

  186. Miss Lindsey says:

    I know it’s superrepetitive at this point but WOW 🙂 Congratulations Steve (I almost wrote “Waiter” 🙂

    That’s FANTASTIC! Can’t wait!

  187. Christa says:

    This is so great! Congrats!

  188. Cindy Z says:


  189. Don says:

    Rainn Wilson. Whenever I read your entries, he is the personification of your good self (well, in my mind ar least).
    I notice some other readers have also nominated him. Majority rules!

  190. Farshid says:

    Congratulations! I have looked everywhere for the book, but nothing I could gain. I’m in a place that there is no access to such books (because of the shipment limitation of online book stores). I was so eager to have this one and read it, but it seems that I have to wait until a chance turns to me. Lucky you! Maybe I have to wait keep on reading your blog instead, if you keep up posting a little bit sooner.

  191. HerB says:

    What about Stephen Fry?

  192. JT says:

    “So here’s the big question. Who is going to play me?”

    A different actor or actress every week. Same restaurant set, same supporting actors, different anonymous “Waiter.”

  193. ANON says:

    That is wonderful, news – I worked as a waitress for 3 years while getting my career off the ground. I often thought at the end of a night – ‘if this was on TV people would say its not realistic enough!’

    Just read the book about a month ago as a friend bought if for me. Felt physically sick at times remembering the stress the job gives.

    I now work in a role with huge responsibility and much higher pay – yet, I have never felt as stressed or abused as I did in the industry.

    I hope it all goes well for you, and for the record, I will always tip well for good service – I’ll never forget that job!

  194. monica says:

    Not to minimize you, but basically, anyone who has been in the field could play that part. No need for rehearsal, we’ve lived it. That is why all servers read the book in a day–validation. The “see–that happened to me too.”

  195. bodacia says:

    Oooooo! Great call on Neil Patrick Harris!

    Of course, I have a soft spot for Seth Green, too.

  196. Leslie says:

    Way back amongst the first comments, someone mentioned Matthew Perry. Gosh, I think that would be superb casting! He’s smart, funny and almost as good looking as you!

    Congratulations on the TV deal and the new book. You worked hard for this and it is so nice to be able to share it with you in this medium.

    Thanks for keeping us in the loop. I feel so proud of you as if you were my personal friend!

  197. syndromia says:

    Jack Davenport or Jason Issacs, hands down.

  198. anna says:

    tim roth!!

  199. Anonymous says:

    reading the comments, I like the idea of a different waiter every episode too

  200. Sabrina says:

    Loved the book…I’m sure I’d love the series. A different waiter each episode is like having a different waiter at the same restaurant…it gives the illusion of turnover and low quality.

    One waiter playing the lead…and I hope they don’t try to take it out of New York.

  201. mfcm says:

    Ed Norton?? Use your eyes!
    Rainn Wilson FTW! (Not in a Dwight persona of course)

  202. Rebecca F. says:

    Congratulations! I am so excited! I have always thought that a a show about the restaurant business would be awesome!
    Russell Crowe would be pretty awesome…but then he wouldn’t be able to guest star as himself!
    Someone else mentioned “Scrubs” and I think it would be cool to do it in that kind of style, with the runaway imagination and stuff…Zach Braff really might even work.
    Oh, and one more thing. To “db 345 dinerwaiter” (post 181), as Mr. Garrison would say, “You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!”

  203. KOCKMASTER says:


  204. Anne says:

    Rainn Wilson really does seem perfect for the role, as he seems capable of the right blend of pensiveness, honest reflection, and wicked humour. 🙂 On an aside, you have a gift in your writing ability and whatever happens I hope that you will continue to write. You certainly have a reader base and count me in! I’m really happy for your well-deserved recent success and wish you all the best in the years to come.

  205. susan says:

    Congrats…way cool…sensational. Wishing you heaps of success from a land down under.

  206. Bob D. says:

    I didn’t read all the other comments so someone may have already said this.

    I think that Matthew Broderick would be an excellent choice to play you.

  207. daviddowney says:

    My comments to “kockmaster.” Obviouslly your not a server.Or worked in the industry.I’ve been a the industry in different areas for 15yrs.Yes i know that’s along time and you prob. think “What a loser!” But if you read the book he tells you that you get addicted to the money.The fast money that you worked hard for. You have to be there everything. There pretend friend,Phycologist,mother,father.We dont just take the order and bring it to you.If it was that easy then we shouldn’t get 15-20%.But at times your stressed cause some cock is yelling at you for getting the order wrong.Some old lady cant hear you.Or,they bring kids that dont know how to behave at a nice rest.When I worked last thursday,I had a table of four.Three guys two whom were over 21 and one that wasn’t.And a girl,who was also over 21.They had two rounds of Patron shots chilled.6 total.2 vodka cocktails.And the girl had a long island.My favorite.Anyways with that and one cheap appitizer.The total was $90.Now mind you.I gave them perfect service.I even gave them water even though they didn’t asked for it.I figuered since they were drinking i should bring them water.Ofcourse they did’nt drink the water.Gave them rifils of there chips and salsa with out them telling me.Guess how much those cheap asses left me.$6.Yup.So you think I deserve that.I got more that night.Halloween.From a two top.I had five kids also that night.$75 total bill.Seperate checks.Average check $10.38.They each gave me $11.00.Yup.Except from one person.So You think I deserve .68cents.When I have to go up and down those freaken stairs.Yes we have stairs.And refill all five waters.Cause that’s what they fucken drank.I gave them a benefit of a dought.You cant right away assume that cause there young punks.That there not going to tip.You need to be in my shoes for a day or week or month.And see what you have to put up with.Read the whole book and not some of it.And you’ll get a different perseption when you go out to dinner.Unless your too cheap too.Remember.If you dont know how to tip.Dont go out.Cause what you tip us,Whe have to tip out the busboys.Who sometimes dont do shit.But it’s still mandatory.The Bar.Even though I got one or two drinks that night.And the Q A.Quality Assurance.Who makes sure are food is prep correctly and made right.They get 2% of our sales.So.Those people auto.get there tips from us.And where skrewed of whats left over.

  208. daviddowney says:

    Oh! and congrats to the new series.I hope it gets picked up.Is it scripted or non-scripted?Cause you could follow alot of servers in differnt states differnt restaurants.Theres your drama.

  209. Kris says:

    Srsly?? Whodathunkit!!


  210. Bill says:

    Funny that someone said Wally Langham. He had an episode of Larry Sanders where his character tried to sell a tv show.

  211. jpalm says:


    Congrats that is great. I have a question. Are you still waiting tables at all? I really enjoy those entries because I can relate to them extremely well. I mean… I am very happy that you are finding such success but the reason I started reading your blog wasn’t because you plug your book(s) and television appearances in a, “painfully funny and an excruciatingly true-life…” way . Le sigh. Good luck.

  212. MartinD28 says:

    TV will probably change the premise to make it more appealing. Afterall, who wishes to look at a slightly overweight middle-aged male waiter every week. I think the waiter will be Elisha Cuthbert. Works for me.

  213. Joakim says:

    How about Jeremy Piven? He looks a little like I initially imagined Waiter, and he can probably pull off the stare, too.

  214. MoreAndAgain says:

    Well, whoever plays you, it definitely should not be Anton Ego. LOL!

  215. christopher ross says:

    Steve, you have to listen to me. I emailed you with an idea like this and still have not heard back. You can’t let them make this show with a network like NBC. You of all people should know that the restaurant industry is too taboo and graphic for a family network like NBC or any primetime TV network. This show, my show, belongs on HBO, Showtime, or Starz as a series, where we dont have to hold anything back. please contact me. I know this is a big mistake and with censorship this show will run out of material and nose dive quickly. we need something with staying power like “Servants.” Please read your email and get back to me. This can be soo much bigger than NBC!

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