50 Signs Your Waiter Might Be an Asshole

Turnabout is fair play so here’s that list I promised. I thought it would be hard to think of 50 ways a server could be an asshole. Duh, I was wrong.

1. Waiter smells like he hasn’t bathed in days.

2. Waiter has dirty, unkempt hair.

3. The waiter’s so stoned his eyeballs look like marbles.

4. Waiter curses out the busboys in full view of the customers. (Do it in the back!)

5. Waiter snaps fingers to get busboy’s attention.

6. Waiter has an obvious erection while telling you the specials.

7. Waiter loudly farts while telling you the specials. (Stick with sneak attacks!)

8. Waiter can’t peel his eyes off your date’s tits. (A peek’s OK but c’mon!)

9. Waiter’s passed out in the bathroom with the needle still stuck in his arm.

10. Waiter snickers when you order the cheapest wine on the wine list.

11. You’re eating your entrees when the waitress drops off the check saying “My boyfriend’s waiting outside to pick me up. You mind paying the bill?”

12. The waiter expects a big tip because they’re good looking.

13. Waiter makes crude sexual remarks at the table.

14. Waiter is stumbling drunk. (Though a little self medicating is understandable.)

15. Waiter will only speak in French.

16. Waiter is a semi-famous anonymous blogger who thinks he’s the shit. Wait a minute…..

17. Waiter steals tips off other waiter’s tables.

18. Waiter has really bad breath.

19. Waiter blows bubblegum bubbles at the table. (Does not apply to waiters under the age of 18.)

20. Waiter interrupts your conversation twenty times to ask “How is everything?”

21. Waiter asks you if he can score prescription meds off you.

22. Waiter seats you by the bathroom when there are plenty of available tables.

23. Waiter won’t serve customers (or complains to high heaven) because they’re African-American.

24. Waiter completely ignores the children sitting at the table.

25. Unsolicited, the waiter hands you a manuscript/screenplay/headshot/resume while you’re eating.

26. You hand the waiter a $100 bill for a $50 check and they act surprised when you ask for change.

27. Waiter tries pulling the double tip on you.

28. The waiter proselytizes for any religion, brand of politics, cause, or alternative lifestyle.

29. Waiter begs for money.

30. Waiter offers to sell you drugs. (Do that on your own time!)

31. Waiter rushes your meal so they can go home early.

32. You ask the waiter for another napkin and they disappear for twenty minutes.

33. The waiter screws up your entrée. Instead of trying to fix the problem he or she hides in the back like a little girl.

34. Waiter picks nose or pulls underwear out of butt in full view of the customers.

35. Waiter doesn’t wash hands after using the bathroom – and you can tell.

36. Waiter’s tongue piercing falls out of their mouth and into your food.

37. You’re the only table in the restaurant and the waiter’s ignoring you.

38. Unsolicited, the waiter tells you squeamishly personal details about their love life.

39. You see your waiter twice during the meal. When they take the order and when they deliver the check.

40. You pay the bill. While you’re still sitting at the table the waiter snaps up the checkholder, looks at the tip, and shouts, “Is that it?”

41. Waiter hits on your 14 year old daughter.

42. Waiter hits on your eighty year old mother.

43. Tells dirty jokes to the customers during a funeral repast.

44. The waiter blames his mistakes on his hangover.

45. When asked, “What’s good here?” the waiter replies, “Everything sucks.”

46. Waiter laughs at you while you’re choking.

47. You leave your cell phone behind and the waiter smashes it to bits out of spite. (Saw that happen once.)

48. Waiter gets into screaming match with owner so the entire dining room can hear him shout “Fuck me? No! FUCK YOU!” (Mea culpa!)

49. The waiter shows the customers that rash that’s been bothering her.

50. The waiter says “You shouldn’t be eating dessert.”

Customers! Now’s your chance to vent! (Like you haven’t already.) If waiters do something that drives you nuts tell us in the comments section. Fellow waitrons! Tell us about sucky coworkers!

This will be the last one of these lists for quite a while.

75 thoughts on “50 Signs Your Waiter Might Be an Asshole”

  1. Jamie says:

    The waiter corrects you when you mangle the incredibly complicated name of the incredibly expnsive wine you just ordered.

    1. The asshole waiter says:

      At least try, and don’t expect a wine that sounds almost like another wine to be the same

  2. Jessi says:

    The waiter tries to drop the check, then rolls his eyes when you say you’d like to order dessert!

  3. G33kGrrly says:

    Jamie, I’d actually appreciate the waiter telling me the correct pronunciation… unless they’re a dick/snob about it.


  4. hallie says:

    1. your server is a jerk because she assumes you’re a low-tipping asshole –because you’re visiting a town where all the locals are low-tipping assholes. i don’t have the accent; it should be a dead giveaway that i’m not local.

    2. your server gives you three seconds to order drinks, turns away immediately, then gets annoyed when you ask for water later. many places water you like cattle; some don’t. don’t assume i know which type of place yours is.

    by and large, the servers i get are professional, or at least human. i have this idea that if you encounter a lot of angry or incompetent waitstaff, you’ve got to look at yourself as the common denominator. it’s not like you’re anonymous in a small town like mine (portland).

  5. Amanda says:

    – When you order a beer/glass of wine AND a glass of water, and you never see the water the entire meal.

    – When you hail you waiter or waitress by saying something polite such as “Excuse me,” and they look at you like you just spat on their infant.

  6. Mark says:

    I had a 4 top insult me the whole time they were at the table. It was at a ‘theme’ restaurant where that kind of behaviour can be expected and reciprocated, and being my profession, I was better at it than they were. All in all, they seemed to be having a good time.

    They left me $4 on a $70 check, which was bad enough; but they wrote ‘Get a real job!’ on the topmost bill.

    They also left a cell phone on the table. It took all my strength not to smash it to bits in the parking lot.

    I’ve worked as a waiter, a busser, a bartender, or a bouncer for 12 years. Got a million stories, good and bad.

  7. WaterBoy says:

    When you ask for water instead of coke (because you don’t drink coke) and they give you a look like your a cheap bastard.

  8. Lucy says:

    When you aren’t spoken to for ten minutes after you were sat…and you see the waiter bsing with their coworkers.

  9. Meagan says:

    When your waitress goes on a 15-minute smoke-break right outside the window where you’re seated.

    When the waitress makes snide remarks like, “Well, I guess you shouldn’t eaten all that free bread” when you ask for a doggie bag.

    When the waiter rudely says, “What, you’re getting dessert after eating all that food?”

  10. Kelly says:

    I agree that I like it when the waiter corrects me on my mispronunciation of an entree or wine. If I am ordering an expensive bottle of wine or entree I want to make sure that the waiter knows exactly what I want and doesn’t accidentally bring the wrong item because he misunderstood my mangled pronunciation.

  11. Eric says:

    In truth. I often ask the waiter or waitress for pronunciation on a dish or wine. I think the best responses I’ve gotten was at this wine bar where I asked the waitress how to pronounce some fancy italian white and she said. “I can’t pronounce it either but I’ll get you a taster while I find someone who can.”
    The thing that pisses me off more than anything are waiters that assume that because I dine alone I don’t tip so it’s ok to ignore me. I dine alone because I write a restaurant review and I noticed that the quality of my dining companion positively or negatively impacted my experience of a meal and that wasn’t fair to my readers or to the restaurants. Also sometimes you just need to sit alone read a nice book and eat a nice meal.
    More than anything else I hate it when a waiter or waitress I don’t know thinks that they need to give me personal advice. Now at my favorite restaurants it’s not uncommon for staff or owners to join me at my table to take a break or after their shift, the conversations are interesting and it adds to the fun of the place. But when some born again christian looking person sits down across from you and tries to make suggestions about your life. (eg “If you lost a few pounds you wouldn’t be eating alone.” or one time waiting at the bar of a restaurant. “Hey pal, put down the book and you won’t seem so weird.”)
    In general I’ve met more genial and good waiters than bad but the bad ones really stick in your craw. The good ones more than make up for them though.

  12. Cottonsquares says:

    20. Waiter interrupts your conversation twenty times to ask “How is everything?”

    DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!! i absolutely hate this

  13. Becs says:

    Hahah #20 reminds me of a recent experience I had with a friend when we went out to eat. We got our drinks right away but it took our waiter FOREVER to come back, and it was a really closed floorplan so we couldn’t even tell where he went when he disappeared. Finally he comes back, takes our order, blah blah everything comes and we start eating. So a little while in he comes by to check on us and we mumble something through our stuffed faces because the food was awesome. Then five minutes later someone else comes to check on us (we figured it was the manager), same deal “great, thanks!”. … Then *another* person asks us how everything is “Uh great, thanks?” Few minutes after that we get person number FOUR checking on our meal. WTF? Aaaaand to top it of we had number five. FIVE people in the space of half an hour coming to check on how the food was. Plus our waiter eventually came back again, lol. It was pretty surreal.

  14. Roni says:

    when you order a medium well steak and they bring out a chunk of charcoal and then when you have the nerve to complain they roll their eyes and tell you well you ordered well done what do you expect. Well I expect medium well just like i ordered

  15. blah says:

    I am an offender of number 20.
    Especially if I’m bored.
    I refer to it as “stalking server syndrome”

  16. Eater says:

    When they ask you why you’re not eating your hamburger and when you (as politely as possible) tell them there’s a piece of grill-brush in it, they blame it on your poor ordering decision.

    When you tell them you’re allergic to dairy, they ask you in front of your co-diners if you will “actually die or just have gas or diarrhea or something”.

  17. Sara B says:

    This post is ancient but I have to comment.

    The thing that perplexes me is how the server always comes to ask how the food is when I have just taken a bite… Believe me, I know sometimes it’s unavoidable when you’re weeded and have three milliseconds to check on your tables, but I swear to god it’s like some servers have f’ing radar for full mouths.

    Also once I got a guy who, when we said “yes, we need another minute to look at the menu” he said something like “ah, indecisive women,” and when we looked horrified he said “it’s ok, all women are.” He got change as a tip, and we spoke to the manager… apparently he was on strike two for being an ass to women customers and had only been there a week.

    Keep up the good work. I’ll get the book next time I get paid lol.

  18. Vera says:

    When as soon as you receive your entree your waitress drops off the bill and comes back before you are half way through your food and badgers you for a credit card passive aggressively.

    (.. I can’t believe I still left her a tip.)

  19. Vera says:

    OR, when the customer uses words like “please” and “thank you” you get walked all over like some pushover and you get the look down like “wtf are you crazy?” then precedes to be treated like absolute shit for the rest of the meal, at a nice place no less.

  20. Andrea says:

    Yesterday I had a waiter say “you did very well” after clearing away my dinner and dessert plate. I’m far from anorexic, and the last thing i need is a waiter commenting on my eating habits to make me feel like a toddler.

  21. Matt says:

    Waiter waits around watching you eat coming up every few minutes asking “may I take your plate” I know it’s busy but let my grandmother eat!

    Waitress hits on you when you’re with your wife. My wife was pissed.

    The waiter was absent minded and just plain absent throughout most of the meal. You give him $200 to cover a $125 meal and he disappears. The guy never came back for like 15-20 minutes with change. My Dad & Uncle had to ask for a manager to get their change back.

  22. A says:

    20 totally contradicts 37 and 39. Jesus Christ people.

  23. Chris says:

    There is a difference between obnoxious and non existent.

  24. Jen says:

    My face is a little red. I’ve been guilty of what Andrea commented on. I work in a Greek restaurant, servings are huge, I honestly am always impressed when someone finishes their entire plate. (And pleased that I don’t have to pack anything up for them).

    This is more of a list of personal pet peeves in any case. I know I have been dining out with friends only to look up from my plate and see annoyance directly across the table from me:

    “What’s wrong?” I’ll say.
    “Did you hear that? She just asked me if I wanted more soda! She should have asked if I CARED FOR more!” Or something else just as insignificant. It all depends on one’s perception.

    I agree with a previous poster that your personal dining experience does not depend solely on the person/people serving you. Some of the onus is also on you to make your experience as good as possible.

    That being said, I was at a buffet once with a friend. It was mid-range, somewhere around $20/plate. We arrived famished and finished our first serving quickly. We went back for more, taking far too much this time. When the waitress cleared our nearly-full plates, we apologized for the waste of food. Her reply was, “Well, you’ll know better for next time.” I thought that was very rude and we never went back.

  25. SFBartender says:

    Ok, I’m guilty of:

    12-when it’s a table of business men, 20, 27, and 39-ahh!! was marathon slammed the entire shift, I still always feel bad abou that

  26. Nikki says:

    I understand completely about the waiter staring at your tits comment.

    I went to this restaurant and the waiter was staring at my tits the entire time I was ordering…and proceeded to tell the other waiters/busboys about it (I was able to see them looking and pointing from where they place the orders) and then the waiters and busboys randomly come over and ask how everything is and proceed to stare at my tits. Yes, they’re real, and, No, theyre not an exhibit at a museum!!!

    What made it worse was that my boyfriend was sitting with me. He was ready to beat the crap out of all of them.

    Only time I tipped less than 25%

  27. gldearman says:

    All of these have happened to me, personally:

    — You order a cocktail, and the waitress comes back to your table to ask exactly how to make it, since neither she nor the bartender knows … and it’s just a gin & tonic (OK, she wasn’t an asshole, exactly; and she ended up with a pretty good tip).

    — The service is insultingly slow (e.g., 20 minutes to take drink orders) … on an average (not too crowded) night … in a short order place … despite the fact that you are dining with the waitress’s boss. (Or maybe it was because I was with her boss.)

    — You are the only customers in the place, but it still takes the waitress 45 minutes (no exaggeration) to take your drink order … and she only does it then because you stood on the chair and waved the menu over your head. Before that, the waitstaff was just sitting around and chatting.

    — You order a chocolate milkshake and get a chocolate milk (hey, mistakes happen) … and when you send it back, the waitress returns the same cup of chocolate milk, only with whipped cream on top … and her smirk lets you know that this was no mistake.

    — The waitress apologizes for the poor service by explaining that this is her first night ever working as a waitress … despite the fact that she fed you the exact same line when she waited on you two months ago.

  28. Kardec says:

    When you are totally ignored for the rest of the night because you aren’t ordering alcohol.
    I usually tip well, but now, you’ll never find out.

  29. Sarah the Second says:

    “The thing that perplexes me is how the server always comes to ask how the food is when I have just taken a bite… Believe me, I know sometimes it’s unavoidable when you’re weeded and have three milliseconds to check on your tables, but I swear to god it’s like some servers have f’ing radar for full mouths.”

    And I too, have had to instruct waitstaff and baristas on how to make my drink order. And these are drinks ON THE MENU! Really? Really.

  30. Sarah the Second says:

    Oh! And once a friend ordered a simple scoop of strawberry ice cream for dessert and instead of just saying ‘I’m sorry, we don’t have strawberry ice cream’ (which would have been no problem) she has the nerve to come out with a bowl of vanilla ice cream with nasty strawberry compote/canned sauce all over it without a word of explanation, like we won’t notice. WTF??? We were PISSED. If you don’t have something that’s fine! But to pass off something else is just insulting. No tip for you, sweetheart.

  31. AZ says:

    I was taken to a very nice restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona, busy Saturday night, seated quickly and waiter brought my date and I water and took our drink order. I picked up my water and was about to take a sip when I noticed a dead black bug floating gently with the crystal clear ice. When the waiter came back with our drinks I asked in a quietly if I could have another glass of water. He looks at me and said “I don’t understand.” I again asked that he take the water away and bring me another. He’s pissed now, and again looks at me with disdain, but I quietly request that he remove the water and bring me another glass. He not going to do it, he’s dug in his heels, he thinks I’m nuts. So, I loudly said “Could you please bring me another glass of water, one without a dead bug floating in it.” Like a rehearsed dance everyone in the restaurant picked up their glass of water and started checking for bugs.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Some of you have never been nor could never be servers because you couldn’t handle it….you would snap like a fucking rubber band under the pressure. You would be crying to your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, whatever about how awful it was, how overwhelming it was, how busy you were, how rude people were and all that shit. Be a server for a day, I fucking challenge you. Try it and then bitch about your server having an attitude when you’ve been tying up his/her table for the last hour contemplating whether or not your fat ass is going to order dessert. You would be crying like a bunch of scared fucking rabbits…no question.

  33. Curious says:

    Another sign of a lousy waiter? During an outragously busy night the server’s family, parter or close friends decide to come into the restaurant/bar. When as a fellow coworker you understand that business should be reserved for non friends and family only on such a crazy night. (Or maybe they are clueless and don’t really know.) However, you try and talk to this coworker and they don’t get it. Do you really have to work with such stupid people? Isn’t this an unwritten rule that friends and family should avoid your restaurant on busy nights? How about the signs that your coworker may be an asshole? How do they keep their jobs? LOL, just needed to vent! So thanks for listening? Cheers!

  34. Lemur says:

    When your bartender takes half an hour to get a sandwich to you on a slow Tuesday night, AND gives you about half the amount of alcohol that should be in your drink, and you see him pouring every other drink as a 2-count instead of a 4.
    Oh, and the manager dismissed my (calm, fairly complaint). Not so much as a “sorry”. Jerk.
    Sorry, just had to get that off my chest!

  35. Lemur says:

    *er that should have been “dismissed my (calm, fairly polite) complaint.”

  36. bobevans waitress says:

    I hate it when for some reason people assume that because you’re a coworker you’re planning to stiff them.

    One night my husband and I decided to feed the kids dinner when I got off of work for the night because of various factors (we didn’t have anything but snackfood at home because of a car breakdown and we wanted to get the kids fed as soon as possible after I got off work because we had church the next morning). The six of us sit down and the closing servers proceed to completely ignore us. We sat there from 9:05 until 9:40 when I asked for some server numbers to ring te order in myself (they really were busy, so I was trying to give them a pass).

    The shy highschool server gave me an ackward smile and apology with a sideways glance at the other server. I knew that the other server had made a point of having her ignore us. This other server hissed at me with vitriol, “Why didn’t you do that in the first place?” I don’t know, because I haven’t seen my family all day and I don’t want to have to work after

    Not only did I ring the order in, I got the cold side dishes and trayed them so that the server would only have to carry everything back to us when the hot food came up (it was just some BLTs and kids meals). At this point I was still planning to tip $10 on $35 worth of food.

    Needless to say I had to get my family’s drinks, meals, refills, and neither of those servers approached my table a single time the rest of the time we were there. The waitresses were mad that I had the audacity to expect them to wait on me an hour before closing, yet because of the way they decided to treat us we were still eating after the doors were locked.

  37. bobevans waitress says:

    The worst experience I ever had eating out was when I was on my high school band trip. My best friend and I walked down to the IHOP a few doors down from the hotel and proceeded to get some of the worst service I have ever experienced or witnessed in my life. It didn’t occur to me until years later that the waitress saw two fourteen-year-old girls sit down and assumed she wasn’t going to get a tip.

    What a way to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s okay, we were happy to keep the five dollars (apiece) we were planning to tip because we felt so grownup eating in a sit-down place by ourselves. I bought a cheap dolphin souvernir with it.

  38. Blitzen says:

    When you ask for a table for one and are met with an incredulous stare, a smirk, or a drawn out “really??”–and are then given the worst table in the place.

  39. dave says:

    “The thing that perplexes me is how the server always comes to ask how the food is when I have just taken a bite…”

    This has always been a bit of an inside joke at every restaurant I’ve worked at. Much of the time, the waiter times it right after you start chewing. We weren’t trying to be rude. It was just one of the things we did to fight boredom when it wasn’t busy.

    “I went to this restaurant and the waiter was staring at my tits the entire time I was ordering”

    Nikki, we men just can’t help it but most of us do try to be discreet about it. If it’s happening to you, it’s because we think you’re beautiful and there’s just something about those great, big bags of fat that drive us men crazy. We can’t stop ourselves. The more they’re on display, the more we can’t stop staring. I’m not trying to excuse it – just explain why it happens.

    “The service is insultingly slow (e.g., 20 minutes to take drink orders)”

    My best friend has waited tables since before he could drive (almost 30 years) and he has two rules (the ones I know of) about tipping. He plans to tip 20% or so as a starting point, for every minute that goes by where no drink order is taken, that’s 1% off the tip. He will give them 1 or 2 minutes to at least make an appearance saying they’ll be right back to get the drink order. After that, they’re on the clock. The other thing he does is when the server never tells them his name – which is expected (at least where I am). “Hello, I’m ____ and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.”. If they don’t, every time he talks to them, he’ll call them a different name in every sentence until they get the hint. “Well, Jessica, how are you tonight?” “Sarah, I’d like to start off with a Bud Light.” And so on. After about 10 or 12 tries, he tells them that he’ll stop doing it if they tell them their name. He’s not a stalker but it is considered rude for a server not to tell them who they are – in our part of the country anyway.

    “It didn’t occur to me until years later that the waitress saw two fourteen-year-old girls sit down and assumed she wasn’t going to get a tip.”

    When I took my first real girlfriend out to eat at the nicest place in our small town, I got the same treatment. The middle-aged waiter completely tried to rush us through dinner to the point where he removed my plate even though I still had food on it. I only sat my fork down to take a drink. It happened so fast, I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t finished. He came up from behind, grabbed the plate, and turned the corner before I could take in what just happened. When he came back with the check, I told him that not only were there 3 shrimp and about 1/4 of a steak left on my plate, that I also expected him to bring it back to me since he left so quickly and without asking if I was finished. This was 30 years ago and even then the bill was over $50 (from the quick glimpse I got of it). When the waiter and manager came back to my table, they offered to comp the sodas (we were too young for alcohol). I said I wanted my steak and shrimp back that I was expected to pay for and also told the manager that the server had been pushing us to finish as fast as he could for the entire 30 minutes we had been there so far. 30 minutes?!? Eventually, he comped my meal and gave us desert. Before I asked for a different waiter for the remainder of my meal, I explained to him (the server) privately that had he not been a jerk, I had plenty of money in my pocket and he lost the rather sizeable tip he was going to get so I could impress my date. I suggested that he not assume that because a person looks young (I was actually 17 or 18 and making good money) that he is going to get stiffed. I went in there 3 or 4 more times over the next couple of months and made a point to ask that he NOT be my waiter. I also made a point to tip way beyond what I normally would (40-50%) because I knew he would ask or find out and I wanted it to really eat at him.

    1. kirstin says:

      i have a friend that takes away a portion of the tip for every time the waiter passes the table and the drink is still empty. My fiance and i only adopt this when it’s really slow.

      It’s good that you told him flat out what he missed out on. I love that you left such a big tip just to screw with him! good work!!

  40. Kris says:

    Lmao maybe I should have saved the “you know your server is insane” comment for this post.

    How about when your party of 15 comes to fufill the reservation you called in about three days prior. Another party is there, about 15 members, and has been given your table. While being reseated by the hostess, she admits the other party showed up five minutes ago and the server didn’t even pay attention. It’s all good until your party is completely ignored for 45 minutes, and thirty after the last roll is eaten the manager comes out to serve you, but it’s too late you all have to cancel your orders and go back to work.



  41. keith says:

    don’t fuck with the people who handle your food.

  42. Hannah says:

    Waiters who blow me off after I order water or lemonade as a drink instead of wine. They must assume that without the wine’s price added to my bill, my tip won’t be worth it anyway. Self-fulfilling prophecy!

    The waiter asks to take my plate as my fork is travelling to or from my mouth and my plate still has half a meal on it.

    The waiter clears my full plate while I’m in the bathroom over the protests of my date (yes, this happened).

    The waiter can’t figure out where they want to seat us, so they keep moving us from table to table.

  43. J says:

    @ 7 – Amen to that!

    I, scarily enough, really like the taste of tap water. Mmmmmmm. But don’t worry, the $0.15 that you would have gotten from me ordering a $1 soda will still be included in the tip.

  44. Rachel says:

    Eric, I find it interesting that people assume a single diner would not tip well. Some of my best tippers were single diners. For example, a man ordered the laobster/steak and our most expensive wine. He tipped me 55%! I always gave my single diners my best anyway, because they didn’t have the company of others. Not that I slacked on other tables…ofcourse!

  45. Milander says:

    I hate it whenever I hear: “Hello, my name is ***** and I’ll be your server today”. I’m looking for food not a relationship ffs.

  46. Long time server says:

    I have been in the hospitality business for over 20 years. I have noticed that customers have gotten more demanding over the years. What really gets me is that my hands are full of the table’s order and someone at the table is holding up their glass and is trying to push it in my face for a refill. “Wait a second.”
    Also when I am at a table, I get really choked when I am asking what an individual wants and the other people at the table are either talking so loudly, or trying to answer their cell phone, that I can’t hear their order.
    Parents who let their children run around the restaurant and climb on everything, it’s not a flippin playground. OMG if they get bured it’s us the servers fault. Just wanted to get a few things off my chest. thanks

  47. FOB says:

    When your waiter expects to be tipped extra because you thought the FOOD was cooked well, but can’t help bitching on the internet about people who don’t tip well if they don’t like the food. I mean, could you just DECIDE once and for all?!!

  48. pelon says:

    “Hello, welcome to (name of restaurant), glad you could join us (time of day). While you’re taking a look at the (wine and food) menus, could I offer you a cocktail from the bar?”
    Guest reply
    “Excellent, I will have those cocktails out for you in just a moment, as well as ice water. My name is Pelon, so if you need anything at all, just let me know.”

    This is my standard greeting, and it works for a few reasons:
    1. You are greeting the guest with sincerity, and focusing on the guest, not yourself (Hi, my name is ….. and I’ll be your server). This lets the guest know that the experience is about them, not you.
    2. You are not stuffing anything down the guests’ gullet, just getting drink orders, and leaving the possibility of wine open for later.
    3. This gets to me personally: If a guest orders alcohol, they should be served a glass of water automatically. Every time. This glass of water should come out before the bar drinks, so as to pacify the guest, as they now have something on their table. Having said pacifier will reduce the psychological ‘passing of preceived time’ down to a minimum, thus maximising your tip from the onset. It also keeps the booze drinkers from feeling akward in the presence of any non-drinkers at the table when the drinks come out staggered. (This provides that you are bringing out non-alcoholic drinks first, which is standard practise in most all of the places in which I have worked.)

    Well, this high horse is getting a bit uncomfortable, so I guess I’ll get off it now.

  49. Sammy says:

    OK someone up there said something along the lines of “I hate it when waiter ask “How is everything” after the first bite!”

    Ok-look you fucking dumbasses. This is one of the servers steps of service they are taught. It’s called the one bite check up rule–almost all restaurants have this rule. SHUT THE FUCK UP. CUNT. None of you here have a right to speak with a validity unless you have properly served at a restaurant for more than a year. Servers deal with the worst bullshit imaginable–frankly I hate the fact that ‘Waiter’ made a post for PATRONS to complain about the Waiters AS IF you all know ANYTHING about how a restaurant is run. I have been a server for 7 years now and there is almost a very logical explanation for all your stupid little bitchy complaints. Shut the fuck up.

    –Pissed off Server

  50. Sally says:

    When the waiter disappears for close to an hour after taking the order, only to finally return and say that both entrees are held up due to one part of one entree being burned.

    Does that count as Sign #33?

  51. J says:

    I once went to a restaurant for the lunch special– the waitress was a complete bitch to my entire table and actually refused to serve me something that she served the table next to me. Of course she started kissing our asses when it was tipping time

  52. amayabrianna says:

    i dont agree with some of the comments left here just for the fact that if a server doesnt come by 5 times to ask if everything is all right the customer will complain and say that their serer never came by even though they ignored her. and some places require you to check back on a table after 2 min of them having their food and give them the check then…now personally i would feel i was being rushed but the company doesnt see it that way and if you dont put the check down when you check back or dont clear the plates or ask to at least twice then the server gets in trouble. a lot of the complaints im reading are stuff that the server has no control over.
    like when i had 3 tables sit down at the same time on a busy saturday night. the first table took forever just to give me the drink order and the other two got mad they had to wait, hello you see me taking an order just chill the fuck out. and then it just kept going round and round like that all night. you just have to pay attention and realize that you aren’t the only people in the restaruant. look at what your server is doing and then maybe you will realize that they are really doing the best they can.
    BTW: there are some bad servers and im not sticking up for them im just saying in general

  53. KD says:

    I agree that if you don’t go back to the table at least 4 times the customer will say they never saw you and the needy ass customer will feel IGNORED!! There goes your tip. There is a 2 minute check back to see how everything is and if you need anything extra for the food and 75% of the time the customer DOES need something….napkins, bbq sauce, etc. The 2 minute check back is a rule of most restaurants also prebussing, but always ask if they are through with their plate. Every customer is different and it’s IMPOSSIBLE to please all of them. Different poeple have different wants, some are annoyed if you do a certain thing and others want more of that thing…We cannot win people!! Because of that our tip goes to shit. I say restaurants should have a button at the table for customers to push when they need something like Sonic has. Need a refill, push the button, ready to order, push the button need napkins, push the button, ready for dessert, push the button, ready for the check, push the button. This way we won’t annoy the shit outta you and you can get exactly what you want when you want it. Servers are not mind readers what pleases you annoys another. We don’t know you, have some sympathy and patience.

  54. Colin says:

    I try not to do #20, but sometimes I have to catch myself. The best rule on this, I think, is to come with something specific. “Can I get you another beer, sir?” “Would you like me to take these plates out of your way?” “Would you like another sprite, sir?” Those sorts of things are essentially ways of saying “How is everything?” but they don’t seem to bother customers as much, probably because you seem to be more visibly devoted to making sure the customer gets what they need.

    #32 only happens when it’s ridiculously busy and I get extremely caught up in all the other crap I have to do. I acknowledge that it’s my fault when that does happen, though.

  55. Merucca says:

    Just on the server presence part of the list, I generally like to see the server at my table 6 times: to take the drink order, to drop of drinks and take food order, to deliver food, to do a quality check (“how is everything”), to clear plates and take dessert order, and to clear dessert plates and drop the cheque

    Obviously during busy nights I understand if a hostess, busperson, or food-runner does some of those jobs, but even on a busy night I expect servers to do at least one quality check.

    And on the whole quality check just as people are taking bites score, when you think about it, what are you doing? You’re eating food. Chances are quite good that you will have food in your mouth when the server does the check. When I’m running food if I notice that I’ve done that, I occasionally joke that it was the first thing I was taught when I started working at my restaurant.

  56. SE says:

    When your group of over 15 sits down in the dining room and the waitress declares she doesn’t need to write any of the orders down because she can remember it all, then gets mad when she has to fix the dozens of mistakes she makes because she didn’t have the sense to look at that huge group and pick up a pen and paper.

    I mean, sheesh. No one’s going to fault you for not having some sort of supermemory, but we sure as heck are gonna complain when you make a stupid boast like that and can’t even follow up on it.

  57. Nanashi says:

    Actually, Sammy, culinary schools in the U.S. teach “2 bites or two minutes”. After the customer has food, the server should allow 2 bites or 2 minutes and then come and make sure that the food is alright. This makes perfect sense, it means the customer doesn’t need to flag down the server if there is a problem. I appreciate this rule the most in Italian restaurants. Pasta gets cold so fast, and I feel bad eating when a companion’s food is messed up.

  58. Anonymous says:

    A few years ago it seemed to be that all the waiters I came across felt the need to squat down beside the table and introduce themselves and give some information about themselves. I didn’t like that. Especially the squatting. It must have been a corporate policy, but it really made me uncomfortable. That’s over now.

  59. Melly White says:

    Servers who argue back when they make a mistake.

    Once I ordered vegetarian noodles and got pork noodles. I respectfully brought it to the attention of the waitress who stated. “No you didn’t. You ordered pork.”

    “I ordered vegetarian noodles”. I say.

    “No you didn’t. YOU ORDERED PORK. PORK! You either forgot you did or you changed your mind” she said with a grumpy glare. “If you want the vegetarian noodles as well you’ll have to pay for them too”.

    Um… I’ve been vegetarian for over 25 years, and for religious reasons I do not eat pork. No, I didn’t suddenly forget all that and order pork, thank you.

    I finally convinced her, after some more discussion on the “you ordered pork and you forgot!” matter, to bring me vegetarian noodles instead (not paying for them “as well” as the pork) but she made it damn clear she was very unhappy about it and that I should have just shut up and eaten the pork I did not order. I was a little worried my food might be spat in, the attitude was that bad! Oh well, the cooking would have killed any germs.

    That has the be the worst service I’ve ever had. Most service I get seems to be exemplary.

  60. sb1982 says:

    I was at a family-type place one night, and got the salad bar (due to dietary restrictions and personal preference, I can’t eat most of their normal entrees). I had, like 2 small salads, was half way through the second one (it had taken forever because 1/2 the staff had come up and wanted to have “FULL” conversations. I appreciate saying hi and being friendly, but seriously? I’m trying to eat my dinner, plus I don’t know you like that, so when you see my mouth is full AND I’m reading a book, back off.) when my waitress came up and this is a direct quote “WOW. You sure can eat alot.” When she saw the look I gave her she tried to back track, but I was pissed. What I had had was total about the size of a entree salad, plus who the hell are you? I’m actually fairly small (recovering anorexic)and I hadn’t eaten all day cause I have two jobs and worked at both (my break consisted of driving from one to the other and changing). No I didn’t expect her to know all that, but it is never your place to comment on what a customer is eating (at least not to their face. Hehe, yeah, I’m a server too and sometimes it just happens). She was young and probably fairly new, so I didn’t rat her out to her manager (but I did say something to a friend who is her co-worker, so she’d know). Yeah, I even left a decent tip cause she did a decent job except for that and servers here get paid crap. But you better believe, I’ll never go back.

  61. PDIDDY says:

    To those who commented on the waiter checking on you right after you got your food, this is often considered a required step of service in many casual dining restaurants, especially chains, which will usually measure this and other specific points in a secret shop. The chain for which I worked called this the “2 minute, 2 bite checkback” meaning that servers were to check on the guest and their food within two minutes or two bites. The idea behind this was that if the food was undercooked or not to the guest’s taste, we could address the issue quickly rather than have food a guest doesn’t like sitting in front of them for several minutes.

    1. Jerry Reed Fan says:

      The waiter asks “are you guys on a date?”

      Or “I know a real good turtle-dovin place”

  62. julia says:

    How’s about when your server decides that he is a cross between your doctor and your mom and decides to lecture you about your food choice when he delivers it because he sees you taking insulin? This waiter stood over me for five minutes praising my friends’ food choices and saying that I was “a slave to sugar, and as a diabetic you should know better” because I had the temerity to order pasta. Apparently he was a slave to ‘sugarbusters’ and kept saying “I’m 50 – do you see this body? I bet you thought I was 30 – BECAUSE I DON’T EAT PASTA!” And in fact, I did understand the consequences of my actions – I had low blood sugar at the time and two sips of my friend’s coke and that pasta was standing between me and an unpleasant trip to the hospital. He didn’t stop when my friend said “that’s enough, please leave us alone” or when I asked to see the manager.

    When he called the manager because we were leaving (not when we asked him to during his harangue) the manager was (or just acted) pretty horrified and gave us a gift certificate for later which we never used. The restaurant went out of business about three months later – gee, I wonder why?

  63. Long Term Waiter says:

    Most patrons grips are valid, and to the angry servers, well this is why we make the money we do, most angry servers complaints seem petty, and as far as the overfriendly, squatting waiters it seems to me that it makes guest uncofortable

  64. Linda says:

    Worst waitress ever was one this really nice diner. I walked in and she acted like I pain in the butt. Everything she said was with a sigh. You would have thought I killed her dog. I felt so unwelcome but I could almost forgive it because the breakfast rush was just over and I am sure she was tired. But what I couldn’t excuse was her pushing my food at me without a word, not filling my coffee EVER after the first cup even though I asked for more and then going to sit down at a near by table and count her tips. While she counted her tips she complained under her breath how cheap people were today. I had to go over to her to get my check since she never once checked on me or brought my coffee. I paid for my food but that was the only time I have ever stiffed a server/bartender/food delivery person. She didn’t deserve a tip.

    So #371 When your server sits at the next table counting their tips complaining about how cheap people are today.

  65. Brit says:

    I hate when I walk into a family restaurant to order a quick soft drink and french fries on my break. I only go when it’s not busy since I know I only have a half hour to order and eat and pay. I sit at the counter so I’m not taking up a table, and it takes them 10 minutes just to acknowledge me! They know where I work too, cause I go there a lot. My check usually comes to about $10 and if they even did an okay job they get $5 just for the seat in their (empty) section that I sat in for less than 30 min. You would think servers would realize this and quickly take my order but they just ignore me. Last time I had been waiting to pay for over 15 minutes (plate empty and pushed off to the side with silverware on top next to my empty soda glass, sitting there with my card out since they haven’t even brought my check yet!) The hostess had the nerve to ask me to move so someone else could sit there! I told her I would have left 15 min ago if someone had bothered to take my payment! I gave up and stood at the front counter for another 5 minutes, while 5 servers and a manager walked by me and ignored me. Now I am late to work. I left a big fat 0 for a tip… I need that $5 to cover the time I’ve missed from work because you were too busy flirting with the pizza faced busboy! Losers.

  66. Anonymous says:

    Me and a couple other friends dined in at a restaurant, and before our waiter dropped the bill, he said, “Just to let you know, it doesn’t include tip”, simply because we looked younger than their usual customers. So offensive.

  67. val says:

    I hate it when the waiter doesn’t write anything down and inevitably forgets our substitutions (reasonable ones, I promise!). Or forgets our appetizers. Or our waters. The list goes on.

  68. kim says:

    The restaurant I worked at actually had a policy where during the lunch hours we were supposed to drop the check before the food even came! It was supposed to “help people that were in a hurry”… in other words increase table turnover. I could never bring myself to do it, I felt too rude

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  70. sonya says:

    well most of you blame it all on the waiters or waitress but what you dont pay attention too is how fucking hard we work ower feet hurt and burn and sting from standing on them for hours and our back hurts like you have no idea and we work our butts off to keep your tables clean and somtimes we only get 2dolers the most iv ever got was $5.00 and somtimes we dont even have time for breaks

  71. Nick says:

    I am a bus boy, and we do everything at my work, i.e. expo and run food, make sides, make rolls, bus tables, run dishes and glasses, ice, desserts, salads, serve food. I hate when the servers ask us to do all of this extra shit when we are weeded and can’t get a handle on all of these huge orders to take out. And when we do take it out, the servers make us stand there while they serve the food, taking their sweet old time, as if we don’t have other shit to do. And then, after the server has fucked up the customers order, they make us go back and tell the kitchen because they don’t have the balls to tell the cooks themselves. And I fucking hate when, especially bartenders, yell shit in the restaurant without saying your name or attempting to get your attention, and then, they expect you to have done what they said, when they could have been speaking to anyone. An example would be, “I NEED MORE ICE” I am serving food at a table, I walk back towards the kitchen, “I NEED MOAR ICEEEE”, I continue to walk towards the kitchen “WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY ICE BUCKETSS”. They bartender can clearly see me, yet they see no reason to just say my name and ask for ice. Be polite you motherfucker, if you ask nicely, I will stop everything I am doing and get your ice, and I won’t have a problem with it. AND I FUCKING HATE WHEN SERVERS COME IN THE KITCHEN TO GET THEIR OWN SOUPS, DESERTS, OR SALADS only some of the time, and then, they expect us to know when to bring out their soups, salads, and deserts the other portion of the time. How is the fucking Eskimo dick am I supposed to know when you need me to bring out your shit if you do in 50% of the time?

  72. onceuponawaiter says:

    I just picked up Waiter Rant from the library, and digging into the blog, I know this is old thread, but I’ve got to share my experience.
    When groups of two or more don’t arrive at the same time, I appreciate it that a waiter will acknowledge me. I’m sitting at a table by myself, waiting for friends to arrive, water would be nice. Perhaps looking at a menu. I shouldn’t have to ask to be acknowledged.
    During the same experience friends arrive then suddenly I exist . I must have had my cloaking device on, sorry about that.
    Then the server does not deliver food for 45 minutes, I have to ask for the food, the food immediately arrives , and it’s cold! “the kitchen so behind”. Blaming the kitchen for your personal defect does not fool me.
    There was no inquiry as to how our food was.
    The food was eaten, together my table had fun mocking the server, and we waited very patiently for the check, I had to get up from my table to go find her to get it.
    No tip.
    As a former server I know exactly what to expect. I am not asking for much. I’m asking for acknowledgment and warm food. I got neither. I did get a high-pressure sales for dessert , no bite here.
    I live in a small town of about 90,000. This town has 4 industries, hospital, college, lawyers, and tourism, so the restaurants here should be skilled at serving.
    They should care.
    I have had to forgo eating at the nice restaurants with a nice kitchen because the service is so terrible. My time and money is too precious to be spent with that kind of frustration.
    The above experience I had was not unique. I’ve had friends that had the same, or worse, experience. I can only imagine that restaurant stays in business because the food is so amazing.
    People complain about New York servers, but the best service I’ve ever had has been in New York.
    My regular restaurants end up being the family owned ethnic restaurants that give genuine smiles. I would love to have a good all American burger served up with the fabric napkin, but that’s only going to happen when I get back to New York.
    I’d like to end this on a positive note though, one of the best experiences I had was when I went to my favorite ethnic restaurant, it was 10 below with the windchill of like -40 and there is a shared parking lot that’s not very close . I got in and I placed my order and decided to take it home with me. The server gave me a table to sit while I wait , she asked me if I wanted a newspaper? &asked me if I want tea to go? and she gave me and it to go cup which was so sweet because I had my hand warmer to get me back to my car without freezing to death. She comped the tea. Warm fuzzies on a bitter cold day. After that feel good welcome, the entre is just gravy. I will always recommend this restaurant and I will always go back to them whenever I want curry chicken and vegetable fried rice.

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