What Your Drink Says About You

I conducted an informal poll to see what your favorite drink says about you. The sampling was very small and the margin for error is very large. If you see your favorite drink lampooned, spare me the hate mail. I get enough already.

What Your Drink Says About You.

Vodka Martini – Sophisticated. You’re classy, old school or a James Bond wannabe. I’ve been known to drink these.

Cosmopolitan – Prissy, over ordered and passé. Favored by Manolo Blahnik wearing Candace Bushnell devotees who spend all their money on shoes but live in rathole apartments. Rapidly becoming an old lady drink.

Sidecar – The last time you got laid was 1932.

Chardonnay – You know what you like. Boring. Predictable. The Missionary Position of White Wine.

Pinot Grigio – You’re pretentious or don’t know what you like. You follow the herd. The Circle Jerk of White Wine

Beer – Blue collar, simple, and an old standby. (I think a girl wearing a t-shirt and jeans while drinking a good ‘ol Bud is very sexy.)

Chocolate Martini – You’re immature or have a sweet tooth. Good for masking the taste of Roofies.

Vodka on the Rocks – You want to get drunk as fast as possible.

Malibu Bay Breeze – A gay man’s drink. (According to Louis)

Sloe Gin Fizz – Same as above.

Gin neat – Only for mad dogs and Englishmen.

Sour Apple Martini – You have a sense of fun but overindulgence might cause dancing on tables and bad karaoke singing. (Beth?)

Negroni – Fluvio’s favorite drink so I can’t badmouth it. I like my job.

Campari and Soda – You’re a gourmand. A good aperitif. A bitter drink for bitter people.

Manhattan – Old fogey drink. Stuffy. Where did I put the bitters?

Sweet Vermouth on the Rocks – You’re so old that if you’re not already in the grave you soon will be.

Pinot Noir – You’ve seen Sideways. Nuff said.

Sex on the Beach – You’ve been to Club Hedonism haven’t you?

Sex up Against the Wall – You own shares in Club Hedonism don’t you?

Galliano –You’re a waterbed, lava lamp, reel to reel, gold chain wearing, wall to wall shag carpet loving, swinging 70’s disco fool.

Gimlets – You’re old fashioned and like to drink. Usually the provenance of classy cerebral babes.

Rob Roy – You’re an alcoholic.

Margarita – You’re fun, good in bed, and naughty with a sense of style. If you don’t have it with salt you’re a wimp.

Shirley Temple – What? Are you five years old? On the wagon? Get the fuck outta here.

Bloody Mary – You need an excuse to start drinking before lunch.

Gin and Tonic – You’re kinda boring but an excellent drink when it’s hot outside.

Mint Julep – You’re a hospitable Southern guy/gal. Good stuff. Rarely ordered.

Tequila – You’re not afraid of spending a little time in jail.

Champagne – You’re reserved, classy, or a stripper.

Vodka Red Bull – Party person, young, possible cokehead.

Southern Comfort –Where’d you put the Lynyrd Skynyrd eight tracks? I know I saw ‘em around here somewhere.

Mojito – You’re not afraid to try new things, have low frustration tolerance and are prone to wild rages.

Rum and Coke – You’ve been arrested for assault once or twice.

Whisky Sour – Have another one Grandma.

Alabama Slammer – You’ve read the “Have a Cocktail” placemat at the diner once too often.

Whisky, Single Malt Scotch, Bourbon – You’re a sexual athlete. Women want you and men want to be like you. You have class, talent, wit, and brains. Of course, this is what I drink.

If you differ with the above assessments or would like to add your own, well, that’s what the comments section’s for. Have fun.

34 thoughts on “What Your Drink Says About You”

  1. Em says:

    I am totally a gimlet! *grin* [and the vast majority of these are dead on]

  2. Darling Nikki says:

    I’m a gimlet on a hot summer day and whiskey any other time!

    That said, I don’t think it’s fair for you to lump all beer into one category–I’ll break it down for ya.

    Light Beer: You have no fashion sense, sense of adventure or flair in general. You just want to get drunk, on the cheap with no frills.

    Wit Beer: (Hoegaarden, Blue Moon, etc) You prefer the light side of the force. I.e. You would choose sunshine and daffodills over moonlight and violets, rom-coms over dramas and Kenny G over Coltrane.

    IPAs: You may have attended more than one Grateful Dead show in your life. You may or may not own the following items: a tie-dyed shirt, an acoustic guitar, a VW bus or a bong.

    Trappist Ales: You like the sweeter more mysterious things in life. For you, beer is the nectar of the gods and it is made by monks.

    Extreme Beers: Your tastebuds have been dulled from years of smoking so you need your alcoholic beverages to taste strong enough to break through the barrier.

    Barleywine: You like getting so drunk on one beer that you can’t walk straight. Then you buy another and someone has to carry you home.

    Stouts: You prefer to drink your meat and potatoes.

    Lambics: (not the real wild yeast ones): If you are not a middle-aged woman with a sweet-tooth, you are probably gay.

    Sour Ales: You have a sense of adventure, a lust for life and a strong stomach with little or no acid reflux.

    Oh and here are some liquor drinks.

    SoCo and Lime: You got off at the wrong exit…go back to Jersey!

    Long Island Ice Tea: Not only are you an amateur, you also hate your liver and you REALLY want to piss off the bartender.

    Jack and Coke: You are probably a surly mo-fo with a bad attitude and a poker habit.

    Dirty Martini: You like something to chew on with your liquor. You are sassy and your mind is in the gutter.

    Wine Spritzer: Similar to lambic (above) You probably wear hats with big, fake flowers pinned to them and throw garden parties.

    Jaegermeister: You wanna get DRUNK! Either that or you like the taste of cough syrup.

    Mixed Shots: You don’t like the taste of real liquor. You don’t go to bars much–perhaps you just turned 21. Get over it now and learn to drink whiskey or tequila.

  3. "Good Girl" says:

    I watched my 16 year old sister fall in love with margarita two years ago (I let her have a few sips from my glass) and burst out laughing when i read what you said about margarita people, if only to shut out the images that threatened to ruin psychological health! I like my drink straight up – vodka on the rocks (vodka martini sometimes), tequila shots, jagermeister shots – but don’t drink to get drunk and am not like what you described. I’m a good girl! haha.

  4. Deightine says:

    Although I’m likely as not to drink anything listed aside of traditional American beer which I’ve never been able to palate, here are some of my own favorites along with observations:

    Gibson: You are a deep thinker/computer guru with a flare for the melodramatic that probably enjoyed Sandra Bullock in ‘The Net’ but would never admit it. You may be histrionic, but at least you’re interesting.

    Strawberry Daiquiri: Very likely a self-indulgent person with childish nature, but quirky and fun at least when you _want_ to be. Takes all types however, as likely to be drank by a raucous biker defying stereotype as by Soccer Mom Mk I while socializing.

    Rye & Coke: Hillfolk in the city to shop and trying out an ar’thentic new-fangled Europeeeen-style eatery. Or possibly you just couldn’t stand traditional whisky.

  5. Talina says:

    Gosh! I was dreading finding my favourite drink here and next to it something like loser or so! HAHAHAHA!!! Well, my coworker who was a bartender says I’m boring and old fashioned: I love Vodka Tonic! hahahahahahaha!

  6. The Manticore says:

    what about jaeger bombs? =p

  7. vikki says:

    The Manticore:

    Jaeger Bombs – you are out late every night partying. Possibly a frat boy. Otherwise a marine.

    Jack on the rocks/Jack and coke – blue-collar and/or a marine.

    …. I like Marine drinks. what?

  8. bibliotechnique says:

    What about brandy and coke? I spent my college years in another state drinking those. I consider myself adventurous and fun! 😉

  9. Sarah the Second says:

    “A bitter drink for bitter people” ROFL 😀

  10. Lemur says:

    I like Crown and Coke, what’s that make me?
    Otherwise my favorite drinks mean I’m fun, good in bed, and naughty with a sense of style, oh and not a wimp- I love a salted rim! Oh and also: not afraid to try new things, have low frustration tolerance and are prone to wild rages. I wish I could say this wasn’t true but once in awhile…
    This was a cool post! Thanks Waiter!

  11. Joselina Garnier says:

    For the sake of adding to the list. Wino con gasiosa (Wine with soda) or Clara/ Sandy (Beer with fanta) that are very famous in Spain. One type Mixed culture mixed people..

    No hate mail for you Mr. Waiter!

  12. Eyes Opened says:

    Lmao my favorite is Capt ‘n Coke. Never been arrested but I do get a bit of a temper while tipsy.

    How very observant…

  13. J says:

    I like gimlets sometimes. I also like Sam Adams, but only for the flavor. I don’t know how it fits in to the beer afficionado’s classifications.

    Bloody Marys shouldn’t be judged as harshly. They will keep the hunger at bay during a long wait for a table. (Here in my neck of the South, reservations are rarely required/made.)

  14. snafu says:

    My standard go to drink is vodka tonic. What does that say? I also like beer, various wine, apple martinis, rum and coke, whiskey and coke, gin and tonic, mojito, long island iced tea, bloody mary, and okay the list goes on and on and on, depending on my exact mood or what I’ve had lately. But my most common drink in a random bar/restaurant/wedding is vodka tonic. Okay analyze me!

  15. Stephanie says:

    Beer, thanks. Specifically Sam Adams or Ommegang…and I’ll drink any of their brews. Barring that? Blueberry Vodka and Club Soda w/ lime. What? I like blueberry seltzer. That’s the alcoholic version.

  16. James says:

    What, no “proper” Martini? Gin and vermouth? Mind you, if it’s made right, it certainly falls into the “neat gin” camp.

    Tanqueray 10

    There’s a strict hierarchy people!

  17. Kat says:

    🙁 I like sex on the beach, rum and coke, mudslides, whisky sour, bellinis, and any mixed drink that does not taste like alchohol, but I can’t have any for many more months 🙁

  18. Merucca says:

    I like how my two standbys, Mojito and Rum and Coke, came one right after the other and complimented each other nicely.

    Even if it doesn’t exactly capture my personality.

  19. AngryGayWaiter says:

    Waiter Steve, if you’re reading these comments, tell me what you think …

    I drink beer. Miller Lite. Holiday times, I do Christmas Ale. If I am somewhere posh and beer is not on the menu, I stick with Shiraz or White Zin depending on the entrée served or chosen. I am gay. I am 30. I hate everybody. What does that say to you? 🙂

  20. MoreAndAgain says:

    OMG! Malibu Bay Breeze or Amaretto Sour are my go to drinks when I don’t want to have to think about what I want, but I know I want alcohol. And, I’m definitely not a gay man, I don’t have the right plumbing.lol. But, maybe this is why gay men and I get along so well.lol

  21. Jordan says:

    I’m a daqueri, margarita or a mojito woman!
    Otherwise, I prefer Vodka mixed with soda, preferrably pepsi or vanilla rum with a fruity soda like orange it tastes like an orange creamscicle!

  22. Bağlama Büyüsü says:

    OMG! Malibu Bay Breeze or Amaretto Sour are my go to drinks when I don’t want to have to think about what I want, but I know I want alcohol. And, I’m definitely not a gay man, I don’t have the right plumbing.lol. But, maybe this is why gay men and I get along so well.lol

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  25. Aquaria says:

    Don’t judge your no salt Margarita people too harshly. Some of us are sodium sensitive. I don’t think you want one of your customers to have a stroke or die just to appease your ignorant, pompous presumptions about them.

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  27. Retail Bitch says:

    Mmmm margaritas are my favorite! I’d say Deightime’s daiquiri (which I also love) description fits me better though. Just the same margaritas are my favorite. I love the mix of tart, and salty. Some places around here add olives to them which seems weird. Although I’ve discovered that if I take the olive out at those places the drink is almost too sweet, and the olive helps balance it out oddly enough.

  28. Haley says:

    Oh, wow. I am a Tom Collins, Margarita or Tequila (when I’m feeling a little adventorous) kinda woman. I rather like the desciptions!

  29. Larry says:

    Mostly I get margaritas without salt because the bartender can’t be bothered to rim the glass properly. Salt goes on the rim, not to the bottom of the glass.

  30. Sun says:

    I’ll stick to my Bourbon – Straight up

    Throw in a splash of Tabasco on a cold night or a couple shots in a can of MtDew for the hot ones, and you’re set.

  31. Uhlouis says:

    I’m 29 years old and there’s nothing I enjoy more than a Manhattan.

  32. Reb says:

    And no one mentioned my other favourite… Pina Colada! My very first cocktail thanks to my gran lol!

    My current fave is Long Island Iced Tea though *laughs* Although I don’t think I order it just to annoy the bartender, if it’s on the menu then it’s fair game along with any other drink! I just like how if made right, it doesn’t taste of alcohol but be careful it sneaks up on you like woah!

  33. Meoly says:

    what about brandy what does that say about you

  34. The Truth Speaks says:

    Unfortunately many women that drink are always Drunk Most of the time.

  35. JohnB says:

    Aquaria-You are aware of the fact that margueritas are made of tequila which will kill you with salt intake and are very caloric? A mojito or marguerita (however you spell the goddam thing, sorry) I am too sensible to even know how to spell it properly yet alone order it, is for a gay man or a Mexican

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