V Day

The couple on Table 22 orders the dessert special, a confection of white chocolate mousse and strawberries. Of course, it’s in the shape of a heart.

“Happy Valentine’s Day Madam,” I say, gallantly presenting the dessert.

“Oh!” the woman exclaims. “Thank you!”

“My pleasure madam.”

“Say, what about me?” the woman’s husband says.


“What about me?” the man says, half seriously. “Aren’t you going to wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day?”

“Should I sir?”


“Valentine’s Day is for the ladies sir.”

“That’s not true! It’s for guys too!” the man protests.

“We have the Superbowl sir.”

“So you’re telling me the ladies get Valentine’s Day and we get hit in the head with a forward pass?”

“Are you married sir?” I ask.


“Then you’ve already been hit in the head with a forward pass.”

The husband roars with laughter. The wife titters happily.

“Very good Waiter,” the man says after he regains his composure, “Very good.”

“Enjoy your dessert,” I say.

The couple finishes and pays the bill. The tip?


And that’s the way it was all night.

Folks, I was on last night. The table gods were smiling upon me. I was unstoppable. Everything went my way. Every table was painless. Every table ordered heavy. Every table tipped large. Last night was one of the most lucrative nights I’ve ever had as a waiter. Not to brag, but I made more on Valentine’s Day than I did on New Year’s Eve. It was that incredible.

A lot of that had to do with skill and experience. (Stop laughing Louis!) A lot of it had to do with luck.

But I think there was another reason why I had such a great night.

Yesterday I asked you all to say a little prayer for moi as I headed into V Day.

Well, it must have worked. All your requests for divine assistance, your positive energy, your good thoughts, karma, whatever you want to call it, seemed to be a factor. I was buoyed by an energy that seemed to come from outside myself. Maybe it was luck. Maybe it was arête. Maybe it was the Red Bull.

But I like to think I got a little help from my friends. Thanks guys.

Now I’m off to bed. My feet are killing me!

Oh, and screw what I said yesterday.

I love Valentine’s Day.

8 thoughts on “V Day”

  1. Talina says:

    Great to know this was a good day for you! congrats! this was my first Valentine’s day as a wife!

  2. Ohthathurt says:


  3. Thea says:

    Dude – I usually really love your posts, but i have to say that I would get REALLY annoyed with any waiter who made such obviously sexist remarks in front of me. Marriage isn’t a trap that women snare men into, and likening it to “being hit in the head with a forward pass” is pretty far away from how a lot of men would view the prospect of spending the rest of their lives with a loving partner – no matter that this doesnt always eventuate. You’re not married yourself, so I’m not even sure you’re qualified to comment on what marriage is like.

    *note – the writer of this post has already been divorced once, but still believes that marriage is a great thing when it works*

  4. Heather says:

    Dude, it was a JOKE. And a funny one, at that.

  5. Cherish says:

    Yeah, I’m with Heather. Chill out.

  6. Max says:

    Agreed. Marriage is often the butt of jokes.
    And if you’ve been divorced, then you don’t really know what its’ like when it works out, do you now?

  7. MoreAndAgain says:

    Well, I still have no use for Valentine’s Day (even when I have a Valentine) but I’m glad you had a great one!

  8. Hasan Kol says:

    Good ways for tip lol

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *