Coffee, Feng Shui, & Hope

It’s a slow lunch. Too kill time, Gwen, the lunch waitress is doing a Feng Shui analysis of my apartment.

“You see here,” Gwen says pointing to my clumsily doodled floor plan, “your creativity corner is strong. But your money and love energies are going out the window.”

“Sounds like the story of my life,” I chuckle.

“You actually don’t even have a love corner in your apartment,” Gwen notes.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Maybe you could put a mirror in that corner to reflect the energy back. Hmmmm,” Gwen ruminates.

“How about a mirror over the bed?” I say winking.

“In Feng Shui that’s a bad idea. Not to mention tacky,”

“Oh well,” I sigh.

The door chimes. The coffee guy is making his delivery. I get up from the table and help the guys unload the truck. When I return, Gwen is laughing.

“The coffee guy asked me out,” she giggles,

Christ. Mr. Coffee’s at it again – propositioning girls wherever he makes deliveries.

“Is that a good thing?” I ask cautiously.

“Nope, I’m not attracted to him.”

“Well, I hope he takes rejection well,” I say.

“Actually I gave him my phone number,” Gwen says.

“Why did you do that?” I ask.

“Well I didn’t want to lie and say I have a boyfriend when I don’t.”

“So you get the guys hopes up and then what – not answer the phone?”

“I know, I know. I’m really at bad just telling guys no,” Gwen fusses.

“Trust me, being direct is the best thing to do,” I reply.

“What am I going to do when he calls?”

“Just tell him thanks but no thanks.”

“But I gave him my number!”

Women are socialized to be nice to guys. When faced with an unwanted suitor they’re sometimes accommodating just to shine them off. It’s a defensive move. I understand. Women have more experience with unwanted attention.

“Tell him you get nervous in those situations and you hate making people feel bad. Then say no thanks,” I instruct.

“Won’t he get mad?” Gwen wonders

“Let me tell you about Mr. Coffee. He hits on every girl in every restaurant.”


“Before my ex and I hooked up he took her on a date once,” I say.

“How’d it go?”

“He tried to stick his tongue down her throat.”

“On the first date?” Gwen asks.

“Try on the first hour.”

“Yuck,” she says making a face.

“What I’m saying is your rejection ain’t gonna faze him. He’s think he’s a “playa.””

“Sounds like an asshole,” Gwen muses.

“You’re dodging a bullet,” I conclude.

We’re silent for a minute.

“You know what’s funny?” Gwen says.


“I just put an attractor crystal in the love corner of my house.”

“Seems to kinda work,” I offer.

“Not well enough,” Gwen whispers eyes downcast.

Gwen is a beautiful girl with charms of her own. She doesn’t need to rely on trinkets.

“Don’t worry. Your prince will come.” I say.

“I guess.”

“Just get over that saying yes when you mean no thing.”

“I’ll try,” Gwen says smiling.

The next day I’m walking through my neighborhood when I pass by the local New Age store. It’s run by some Wiccan Hippie Chick. I buy my incense there. Impulsively – I go in.

I exit holding a small bag. When I get home I pull a hammer and nail out of the toolbox and get to work.

Finished, I step back and admire my newest decoration.

A love amulet.

If placed it right it’s hanging in the “love corner” of my room.

I don’t exactly believe in all this Feng Shui stuff. Perhaps there are no magical energies. Maybe I just wasted ten bucks.

But you never know. As the Bard once said, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophies.”

Besides – I need all the help I can get.

The amulet swings slightly, stirred about by the cool spring breeze

Maybe the talisman is just a symbol of hope I think to myself. A reminder that things get better.

Yes. That’s it. Perhaps it’s all about hope.

I smile.

That’s good enough.

12 thoughts on “Coffee, Feng Shui, & Hope”

  1. Toria says:

    A love corner. How nice 🙂 that sounds. Well, I must say the wheel of life does need to be balanced if you want a smooth ride LOL. So, if the love side of it is flat….maybe it needs some help? What the heck, Feng Shui is as good a philosphy to embrace as any other, I guess.

    Still sad about the choice that I read about yesterday….a girl whose BF left and she’s pg. The choice she’s left with…is so hard. How you’d want her to keep the baby but….it’s her life, her choice. Still, so sad, so tragic. The tears are right there, thinking about it.

  2. blork says:

    In a very small way I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. I also realize that a lot of it (all of it?) has to do with state-of-mind. It’s not the amulet that will bring you love — it’s the act suspending your disbelief and leaving yourself open to chance. By hanging the amulet you might find yourself in a “mode” where you might sniff around in a few corners you normally wouldn’t, or sticking your neck out a little more here and there, as you “test” the amulet.

    In other words, the amulet is just s symbol, but one that trips you out of your normal way of thinking.

    By the way, you have a typo:

    “Before my ex and I hooked up her took her on a date once,” I say.

    …should be:

    “Before my ex and I hooked up he took her on a date once,” I say.

    (Change the first “her” to “he.”)

  3. Bob Kraut says:

    Your blogs are really interesting. I am using your website as an example for my students to start their own blogs. One student decided to create his own restaurant website instead . I guess she would like to grow to other cities of restaurants but right now focusing on miami restaurants.

  4. says:

    I am trying to get my mom into feng shui

  5. wil@theblackjournal says:

    I put a world map on one of my “career” walls last year and now I’m in China. Hilarious.

    Btw…love your writing…love it so much I dedicated an entry at my site to you. Cheers!

  6. Dayli says:

    Sounds like Gwen might be waiting for YOU… (judged by her reaction)

  7. AgeofAquarius says:

    Hmmm… maybe it’s time for an attractor crystal in my love corner. And while I’m busy, one in the money corner wouldn’t hurt, either.

  8. angelsarentfree says:

    Good luck with the amulet. You lifted my mood today. My love corner is screwed up somehow. Hopefully I will find a way to fix it. Soon.
    And doesn’t it annoy you when people point out typos????

  9. Caro says:

    Oh you quoted one of my favourite lines from Hamlet! Great blog, I love it, been reading it from the first post out of compulsion and can’t stop.

  10. Sarah the Second says:

    It’s from Romeo and Juliet, douche. And I’d totally do you, Waiter, if that’s any consolation. 😛

  11. Sarah the Second says:

    Oh no, JP! I’m befuddling my Shakespeare. It IS Hamlet, my bad!

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