Some Tips

Waiting tables Tip #1—Dont wait tables while your hopped up on antihistamines! —

Cheap bastard of the night award goes to-Zamir! – $12 tip on $175 check. He goes into the shitty tipper database. Thanks you social retard! (For this prestigious award I use first names only.)

Waiting tables Tip #2 —If a customer says, “You’re the best waiter I ever had.” they dont eat out much and the tip is certain to be dogshit. Just ask Zamir!—-

Long tough shift. Sucking on a Budweiser and trying to relax. Tomorrow I am taking my girlfriend out for her birthday to my own place. (I know what your thinking but the food there is really good.) God I hope the waiters don’t spit in my food!

12 thoughts on “Some Tips”

  1. canoehead says:

    It’s the same with nursing. the most complimentary patients want narcs. If they say “sir” and “ma’am” a lot they will cuss and yell when they hear the word “No.”

  2. Talina says:

    I loved when a particular customer walked in. He usually had just an espresso ($1.50)and leave a $3.50 tip! luuuuv!!!!!

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  4. Stiffed says:

    Addendum to Waiting Tables tip #2:

    If the customer says, “Great job, keep the change”, or “Here (hands you the check & cash), the rest is for you.”, just accept the fact that you are doomed to a crappy tip.

  5. lisa says:

    thats not true. i do that all the time when i go out and always leave between 20-30% tip

  6. Ross Galbraith says:

    There will always be a Mr Zamir!

  7. Becki says:

    What I don’t get is why should we tip more for a $100 bottle of wine than we would for a $20 bottle. It takes the same amount of time to open and pour, so why should a waiter’s tip increase? I usually tip 15 – 20%, but I will alter it slightly for beverage costs, especially if the waiter opens the bottle and then does not refill the glasses.

  8. Yet Another Server says:

    The reason you have to tip more as the price goes up is a little thing called tip out. Servers pretty much always have to pay some of their tips out to the establishment (who gives it to bussers, hosts, bartenders, etc.) and that is based not on tips but on sales. So when people order super expensive stuff and tip badly, you will often end up waiting on them for free, or worse… paying to have had to deal with their shit.

  9. Emilayday says:

    Hey Becki, if you are not prepared to tip 20% on a $100 bottle of wine, then DUUUUUUUUH anyone with a brain would say “okay, maybe I should accept that I can’t afford that bottle of wine,” and get the $15 house wine. Or go to the liquor store and buy it yourself and get drunk at home. Then the $$ you would’ve spent on the tip can go to your gas money it took to drive there. It’s that fucking simple, don’t penalize the waiter for your expensive tastes in wine, and cheap taste in tips.

  10. Anonymous says:

    I absolutely hate American way of tipping,
    Tipping should be abolished!
    include it in the meal price, raise the wage of waiters,
    tipping should be “service-rated”, not standard 20%. If the waiter is crappy, I truly do NOT want to tip, but I do it to save face because of you who bashes people who do not tip very well.

    Do you know in Asia, you don’t tip at all??

  11. Former Waiter says:

    @ Anonymous, #10 – but we’re not in Asia, we’re in America. Suck it up.

  12. The ginger one says:

    I had a table just like that today. I was all over everything they needed, set as can be, made the kids giggle. They had about a $60 tab (I work at a Denny’s).When they came up to pay, they acted like it was amazing that they left me one whole dollar. Oh, and they so sweetly trashed the floor , table, and seat. Took me 10 minutes to clean up. Sometimes people just really suck.

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