Some Like It Hot

“Waiter this coffee is cold.”

“It’s a fresh pot madam.”

“Whatever. Get me a hot cup of coffee.”

I go back to the kitchen. I heat up a cup with water from the espresso machine and fill it with piping hot coffee. That usually does the trick.

“It’s still cold.”


I return to the kitchen, grab a pair of tongs, and put the cup in the oven. After a few minutes I extract it, place it on a cold saucer, and return to the table.

Sounding like the warning on a Starbucks container I say, “Please be careful madam the cup and its contents are extremely hot.”

The customer sees the steam billowing and says, “Just the way I like it.”

As I walk away I hear the pleasant sound of her yelling “Ouch! It burns!”

My job is done.

13 thoughts on “Some Like It Hot”

  1. canoehead says:


  2. Kyle says:

    I LOVE IT! Can’t wait for your book.

  3. Chanel says:

    Hahahahaha. Classic.

  4. Darling Nikki says:


    I’ve GOT to try that one.

  5. echoer says:

    Hahahahhahaha, absolutely brilliant.

  6. Murat Yilmaz says:

    Serves her right, whining bitch.

  7. Niket says:

    I can’t wait for your book either. Since I am in India, I will order it online and have my cousin bring it for me the next time he visits us.

    BTW, a lot of people in India love their tea steaming hot (I mean it literally). My uncle actually finishes boiling hot tea in under 2 minutes.

  8. Talina says:

    once we had a customer complaining that his cappuccino wasn’t hot enough (item: I had just made it and believe me, it was HOT. Knowing him I had had special care to make it as hot as possible)So when he returned his coffee, one of our waiters snatched the cup, went to the kitchen and cutting to the chase, poured it into a small saucepan and brought it to a boil… then he served it again and immediatly took it to the table. We ALL stared as he took the first sip and looked up with his face red and a barely concealed scream! he left his coffee alone for the next half hour or so.

  9. Holly says:

    Somehow, when you say she said, “It burns”, I hear the voice of Mercedes MacCambridge as “The Demon”….

  10. Thea says:

    Once, when I used to work at a cafe/restaurant, I made a guy a coffee and put it on his table, then watched him read his paper for fifteen minutes whilst stirring the coffee but not drinking it. Almost twenty minutes after I had made it, he snaps his fingers to summon me (yep, classy guy!) and says;

    “The coffee’s cold. Make me another one. A hot one.”

    I was tempted to point out that it had been hot when I made it, but frankly just wasn’t in the mood to argue that day. Idiot.

  11. Max says:

    Should have poured the coffee on his face, Thea.

  12. Ross Galbraith says:

    bitch had it cummin’

  13. Asano Honoka says:

    Nice post. I be taught something tougher on completely different blogs everyday. It is going to all

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