The Hitman tries to make a reservation.

Actual phone call……last year.

“Good evening the Bistro. How many I help you?”

“Halo, Halo?” (French accent on a cell phone)

“I’m here. How may I help you?”

“I am Jean Reno.”


“I would like to reserve your entire restaurant for a private party tonight.”

Its 12:00 am and the kitchen is closed

“I am sorry Mr. Reno but the kitchen has already closed.”

“Do you know who I am? I am Jean Reno. I am a French movie star. I was in the movie The Professional. Perhaps you have heard of it?”

The Professional, a compelling story of a hitman finding redemption through the eyes of a small child, is one of my all time favorite movies. Reno played the Hitman. Of course, I suspect bullshit.

“If you are Jean Reno then who played the hero in “Le Dernier Combat?” (An early Reno film.)

“Pierre Jolivet.”

Merde. It’s Jean Reno.

“Sir, I am a big fan. If the chef was still here I would make him wait but sadly we are closed.”

“Merci.” Hangs up.

Godammit! I wanted an autograph!

(Swear to God it happened just like that!)

17 thoughts on “The Hitman tries to make a reservation.”

  1. Talina says:

    LOL! I have had minor celebrities wanting us to stay open all night or call me in the middle of the night but never Jean Reno! LOL!

  2. Splunge says:

    I had usher try and keep my statbucks open by offering to sing for us I hate how celebritys think that they can do anything because they ate famous

  3. Ross Galbraith says:

    The most famous person i’ve ever served was Donald Trump, Why the hell couldn’t it have been Hayley Williams!

  4. Gabriel Gadfly says:

    Heh. I’d have offered to cook him something myself.

  5. Anonymous says:

    That’s it. The next time I get to see him, I’m asking him where he called. The tension is killing me.

  6. Fernando Campo says:

    I think I would’ve been inconsolable, had I been in your shoes.

    And I’ve yet to finish watching le dernier combat.

  7. Michelle says:

    I was serving at a restaurant and my customers kept saying that a man across the place looked like Richard Petty.. I proceed to go ask the man if he was indeed Richard Petty and said.. “I don’t even know who that is thinking it wasn’t him.. and it was him! so embarrasing..My boyfriend at the time thought this was crazy… because he is a famous race car driver.. but I don’t watch nascar! oh well!

  8. Emilayday says:

    I worked one summer at this family owned diner in Cape Cod, and a guy came in that looked really familiar. I went in the back and told the chef a customer there looked like either Kramer from Seinfield or the doctor in Back to the Future (I get them mixed up), and he thought I was messing around, I was like “I swear he’s someone famous!” So he went and checked and he was like it’s Jimmy Kapowski(???) whatever his character was in Taxi. He was there by himself, and didn’t make a fuss, and then he came back the next afternoon and I got to wait on him! He sat with his back to the door, although two other customers of mine asked me if it was Christopher Lloyd. He got a Shirley Temple (ha), a cup of clam chowder and a clam roll, and used cayenne pepper on both. Really cool experience!

  9. korf says:

    I get told a lot I look like some actress, but every time I ask who, everyone always comes up short and goes, “Huh? I don’t really know, but you definitely look like someone in the movies.” And it happens with more than just one table. TELL ME DAMMIT.

  10. Angela says:

    I work in Manhattan, and I’ve been lucky enough to see a few celebrities- Chris Noth, and the star of Precious (don’t know her name). My coworkers have seen Alec Baldwin and James Gandolfini there.

  11. Rick says:

    the most famous person i ever served was jay leno. crappy tip.

  12. Brian says:

    While living in NY, I served Harrison Ford. Easily one of the scariest/coolest moments. I mean it’s Indy!!! Good guy though. Nice tipper

  13. Chef says:

    I once cooked for the father in “Step Brothers” Richard Jenkins. Great guy very unassuming and great tipper. The waitress did not know who he was cmon “The fucking Catalina wine mixer!!!!”

  14. TJ says:

    I have waited on Carson Cressley (sp?) from Queer eye and his parents at a restaurant he used to frequent often that would be last place you would think someone like him would eat. Didn’t know who he was so it really made no difference. (15%ers) and used a coupon!!! Also waited on Former NBA Legend Darryl Dawkins he was a regular as well. I also waited on AL FRANKEN once again I didnt know who he was so it didn’t matter

  15. MM says:

    I used to work at a diner in Beverly Hills and we had celebrities in all the time. I love Dennis Farina, he’s super laid back, 100% tip every time, usually a diet coke followed by decaf or water. Sly Stallone told me it was the second worst food he ever had; the worst was the last time he came… I asked him if he was a slow learner. 50% tip. Kim Kardashian ordered a coffee, put in too much cream, needed a second cup, made a mess, apologized profusely and said she keeps trying coffee because she feels like she’s supposed to like it but doesn’t. I didn’t even realize it was her til I saw the credit card receipt after. Those are my most memorable 🙂

  16. Anonymous says:

    I recall serving Wilard Scott. I commented to co worker that he was just as jolly as on t.v., my co worker pointed out that if he got paid 2 million dollars a year to do the weather he would be jolly too… Good tipper.

  17. The Guat says:

    Awesome. I love Jean Reno and The Professional does rock. Merde! Merde it is.

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