I was hungry at the start of my shift so I jetted to the pizzeria across the street to grab a quick slice. As I was chatting up the kid behind the counter a totally smoking babe walked past the window hand in hand with her boyfriend. In typical guy fashion we both continued to talk about how the Mets sucked while our eyes lit up the girl’s ass like radar tracking an enemy plane. When I turned back expecting the usual lustful smirk the kid’s expression was crestfallen. He said, “Girl like that! Us working stiffs only get the leftovers.”

The egalitarian side of me recoiled at this notion. Leftovers? No one is a leftover! I am a working stiff and if I ever told my girlfriend I thought of her in the same terms as two day old meatloaf I would be dead before my body hit the floor. I knew the kid was having some self esteem issues but there was something other than being unlucky in love behind his comment.

Everyday we guys are bombarded with images of women we are “supposed” to have. They stare at us from magazine covers. Beckon us in beer commercials, Girl Gone Wild ads, and porn web sites. In the affluent area were I ply my trade there is a never ending parade of trophy wives with firm Pilates honed bodies, botoxed faces, and surgically enhanced boobs. If I said I never felt a twinge of longing or envy I would be lying. I am just as susceptible to those images as the next guy.

But I am a little older and wiser than the pizza boy I hope. In another life I worked in a mental hospital that catered to the rich and famous. I saw women struggling to maintain “perfection” by vomiting up everything they ate till they ruptured their esophagus and bleed to death internally. Girls cutting themselves, trying to hang themselves with pantyhose in the shower, offering me blowjobs for cigarettes, and crying till they almost shook apart – the collateral damage of “perfection.”

I remember one trophy wife whose eating disorder was so bad she had a very real risk of dying. Her fat rich husband’s only concern was if she stopped puking she would get fat and he did not like fat girls. Scumbag.

Working stiffs get more than their fair share of beautiful women. I lucked out! I see plenty of average guys with knockouts. Yet the images the assault men every day are raising the standard to an unattainable level and women are literally dying to keep up. Besides if you are holding out for that supermodel you may miss the love of your life right in front of you. Sure her ass may be a little wide. She never wears bikinis and high heels while fetching a beer from the fridge – but she will love you. And when you get older and gravity has taken its toll on you both she will be the warm body you reach for in the middle of the night.

I wanted to tell the kid all this but I had to go back to work. Back to where the women recoil in horror from the dessert menus. Back to where smelling vomit in the ladies room is a weekly occurrence. So I said,

“Every dog has his day kid.”

Then I left.

17 thoughts on “Leftovers”

  1. Caro says:

    Oh wow, that’s a really touching post. Great imagery you’ve got there. You have a realistic way with with words, which is another reason why I like this blog.

  2. Anonymous says:

    The real shame is that more people can’t be happy with what they’ve been given. What happened to people just being glad to be alive.

  3. zhtd asmholk says:

    ctohygzf zskhg gmys tjmucynf qhjo bcxh rowa

  4. Anonymous says:

    uixpq uhcsd

  5. Lizzy says:

    That was beautifully written and besides that, 100% true.Thank you. (women appreciate guys that aren’t looking for Giselle Bundchen)

  6. Anonymous says:

    i really enjoyed this blog! i wish more men were like you!

  7. side effects of xanax says:

    cxspv kcyzb kxlnyup leyfmkh

  8. Reen says:

    I love this article 🙂

  9. Ross Galbraith says:

    I wish more men were intereasted in natural beauty and personality than front-cover-model-anorexics (yea i am a guy)

  10. Eddie says:

    hear, hear =) if only more men had the same attitude as you. (I’m not a guy.)

  11. MoreAndAgain says:

    I’m so glad that I learned this lesson as a young girl. And, while I do need to be reminded of it every now and then, finding my own happiness is a lot easier when I’m not comparing myself to someone else.

  12. leithold says:

    wow, just wow. this is an awesome reality check. i just realized i was starting to regress to an immature state where stunningly beautiful sexy ladies are the only acceptable standard.

    Thanks for the post waiter man. i am coming back to my senses now.

  13. Maui says:

    How many guys ACTUALLY like girls who are starving themselves to death? I once had a substitute in my girl’s choir class in middle school who was anorexic for 50 YEARS and who had cancer of the throat because of it. She spent half the class talking about it and telling us that if we do crap like that, eventually we would have to stop singing- permatently. Of course, half the girls were only taking choir as a class they could slack off in, so I don’t think it got through. Man, some middle schoolers just don’t care about ANYTHING…

  14. Sylvie says:

    Well, I’m hella late to the party, but I couldn’t check out the book today in the library.

    But this struck a chord, because, frankly, I’m fat. I’m a fat girl from a fat family on my dad’s side, and I definitely have the family body shape too. Body-wise, I’m never going to look like my very wiry mother (except in the face. There, we’re twins with different hair colors). That’s never going to change.

    I’m sick to death of boyfriends telling me that really, I’m pretty, but would I please just lose a little weight? in the same moment they’re bringing food I’ve cooked to their mouths, their serving twice as big as mine.

    Hell no. I don’t overeat often, and when I do, it’s at my favorite restaurant when I’ve not been there for upwards of six months. So no.

    Also: it’s nice to know that apparently the people at my favorite restaurant like me (apparently, I’m always by the window), because I’ve been going to that restaurant since I was in middle school.

  15. Heather says:

    In the society we live in it is all too common to base beauty off a superficial standard ingrained in us through media. Its refreshing to see that not all men resort to seeing beauty in this light. The harsh reality is the average woman doesnt have a dietician, make-up/hair stylist and plastic surgeon lying in wait when “imperfection” strikes. Personally, i do my best to love myself flaws and all, no airbrushing necessary. Thank you for your insightful view and attempt at passing on some good virtues.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *