Doggy Bag

So I’m telling an eight top the specials on an especially clamorous Friday night, shouting to make myself heard above the din, when I hear a dog barking.

No not outside, somewhere on the side aisle! Mystified I stop mid sentence and look in the direction of the canine vocalizations. The woman at that table is opening and closing her mouth and I swear everyone thinks she is the one barking.

“What the fuck?” the hard charging corporate CEO type at my table exclaimed.

“I believe some one is having a psychotic episode sir.”

I walked over to the offending table. Just as I was about to ask the barking lady if she had skipped her morning dose a little dog peeked his head out of the handbag on the seat next to hear and went “YIP YIP!”

Now I love dogs. I have a little dog myself. But Vietnamese cuisine is not on the menu and if the health department showed up we would be well and truly fucked.

The woman ignored me and was barking back at her surrogate child as he happily squirmed in her handbag.

“Madam, unless it’s a seeing eye dog, it can’t be in here.”

Angrily she looked at me. “I take him EVERYWHERE!”

“Not today. Please take him out of here.”

In a huff the woman took her pooch and exited stage right. Her dining companion was busy staring at the floor willing it to open up and swallow her whole. Where before there had been the roar of a crowded bistro on Friday night – now there was only silence.

I went back to my table where a chorus of laughter and “Good jobs” rained down on me.

“Brings new meaning to the term doggy bag.” I deadpanned.

The woman took her food to go.

10 thoughts on “Doggy Bag”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I had a woman say that she was never going to eat at our establishment again because she had to take her cat (CAT!!!!) out of the restaurant.

  2. Matt says:

    I was in the kitchen for a moment, when I came back into the restaurant there was a lady with a f”#¤ing Great Dane at one of the table..
    I told her nicely that she couldn´t be there with the dog… And she started screaming at me…
    how stupid can people get…:-D

  3. SimpleServer says:

    Why do people insist upon bringing their pets to eating establishments? Where I work patrons feel they just can’t leave “Lucky” at home/in the condo/motel/etc. We have patio dining and allow pets out there, but one guy brings his pooch into the bar. He freaked when I told him she had to go. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen him for a while….

  4. Devon says:

    I had a woman bring her pet kangaroo, yes, a KANGAROO, to her table Paris Hilton-style in a small pink bag with only its head poking out. I have to admit, though, that it was one of the most well-behaved pets I’d seen.

  5. Ross Galbraith says:

    I have 2 Labradoes myself, and i wouldn’t dream of bringing them to a restaraunt! What the hell would the health department say!

  6. dani says:

    Why is it that people think they can bring their pets on a patio. I’ve had a few say “but we’re outside”. It’s still a restaurant, and we can still be shut down!

  7. leithold says:

    hahaha good thing it was not a piglet. oh the pets these days.

  8. Jonzales says:

    Very well done i love your humour and wit just starting to read your blog from the beginning and i can tell im gonna love it 😀

  9. reader says:

    when will people realize that their “babies” arent the same as humans and shouldnt be treated like them? or maybe even just think about the fact that other people dont love your dogs as much as you do? i love my dog, but i dont love sitting next to yours in a restaurant

  10. HMSHost Slave says:

    Working in a restaurant in an international airport, our policy on animals is slightly different that other establishments (Since people insist on taking their animals on vacation with them).

    It’s pretty much, seeing eye dog? Great! He can sit under the table. Any other pet? Keep it in the damn carrier until you’re back in the concourse!

    I don’t know how many times a day I have to tell some little rich bitch that her fucking toy poodle cannot sit next to her and eat. And of course, they always pitch a fit. I don’t think I will ever understand the mentality of that sort of person

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