by waiter | Jun 13, 2006 | Uncategorized
The kitchen bell rings. A salmon and filet mignon’s up for the couple on 26. I grab the plates and deliver them with a hearty “buon appetito.” “What’s this?” the wife asks, jabbing a bony finger into the mashed potatoes propping up her filet mignon. “Mashed potatoes...
by waiter | Jun 8, 2006 | Uncategorized
At six o’clock a neatly dressed older man sits in my section. His table has four place settings. I figure his friends are running late. I let thirty seconds pass before I make my approach. “Good evening sir,” I say, greeting the man. “How are you this evening?” “I’m...
by waiter | Jun 5, 2006 | Uncategorized
“How old are you?” I ask incredulously. “Twenty,” the willowy brunette replies. “Twenty?” “Actually,” the girl says sheepishly, “I’ll be twenty in August.” I stare at my new hostess. A college student on summer vacation, she’ll work the front desk until school starts...
by waiter | Jun 1, 2006 | Uncategorized
Its 6:00pm and The Bistro’s been overrun by the Memorial Day rush. Fluvio’s down the Jersey Shore, I’m missing a waiter and the new hostess quit. The phone’s been ringing non-stop. The cordless is on the fritz so I’ve been rushing up to the hostess stand every time it...
by waiter | May 22, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Do you hear that?” Melinda, our hostess asks me. “Hear what?” I reply tiredly. Its Sunday brunch and I’m exhausted from the night before. “There’s a bird in the restaurant!” “You’re kidding me.” “No, listen.” I strain my ears. Over the din of our busy restaurant I...
by waiter | May 19, 2006 | Uncategorized
“A man cannot break his penis,” Kylie, my twenty two year old waitress, exclaims. “Sure he can,” I reply. Don’t ask me how we got on this subject because I forgot. Waitstaff conversations are free associative exercises that usually culminate in sex talk one way or the...
by waiter | May 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m standing outside the Bistro, enjoying the cool of the early evening breeze, when a beautiful woman clad only in a towel walks past me. “Good evening,” I say nonchalantly, as if nearly naked women pass my restaurant everyday. “Good evening,” the woman replies with...
by waiter | May 17, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Saturday night and the Bistro’s jamming. I’m heading to the men’s room when Beth, a fellow waiter, intercepts me. “I need help,” she squeaks, “I’m going into the weeds.” “Whatcha need?” I offer gallantly. My piss can wait a minute. “Do you know how to make a...
by waiter | May 16, 2006 | Uncategorized
I’m at the dog park watching Buster, my joint custody pooch, sniff some Pekinese ass. “That your dog?” a big burly guy asks, pointing to Buster. “Yeah,” I reply, “The Pekinese yours?” “Yeah,” the big guy says smiling, walking towards me, “They seem to get along.”...
by waiter | May 12, 2006 | Uncategorized
I slide up to the bar at Café American. I just finished a ten hour shift. The Bistro had a lousy night – twenty customers total. But it was still a hard day. I need a drink. “The usual?” the bartender asks me, holding up a frosted martini glass. “Not tonight,” I...
