by waiter | Jun 26, 2006 | Uncategorized
HOW TO USE A CELLPHONE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE I don’t own a cell phone. I used to but I got rid of it. It never worked during those “emergencies” mobile carriers try and convince you are survivable only if you own one of their phones. Has anyone done a study...
by waiter | Jun 21, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s Friday night. The dinner rush is starting and the Bistro’s half full. I’m up front training Holly, our new hostess. She’s a pretty twenty year old redhead. “You were born in 1986, right?” I ask. “Yes,” Holly replies, “Why do you ask?” I take a deep breath....
by waiter | Jun 18, 2006 | Uncategorized
It’s a warm summer evening. Beth and I are trudging towards Café American for a post shift cocktail. We’re both exhausted. The dinner rush was brutal. We did, however, make a lot of money. “I need a drink,” Beth says, sounding shell-shocked. “Me too,” I reply, equally...
by waiter | Jun 15, 2006 | Uncategorized
I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I’ve had a busy couple of weeks inside and outside the Bistro. So today I’m letting the Daily News do my job for me. On Tuesday they ran a nice little article about tipping in their business section. I’ve...
by waiter | Jun 13, 2006 | Uncategorized
The kitchen bell rings. A salmon and filet mignon’s up for the couple on 26. I grab the plates and deliver them with a hearty “buon appetito.” “What’s this?” the wife asks, jabbing a bony finger into the mashed potatoes propping up her filet mignon. “Mashed potatoes...
by waiter | Jun 8, 2006 | Uncategorized
At six o’clock a neatly dressed older man sits in my section. His table has four place settings. I figure his friends are running late. I let thirty seconds pass before I make my approach. “Good evening sir,” I say, greeting the man. “How are you this evening?” “I’m...
by waiter | Jun 5, 2006 | Uncategorized
“How old are you?” I ask incredulously. “Twenty,” the willowy brunette replies. “Twenty?” “Actually,” the girl says sheepishly, “I’ll be twenty in August.” I stare at my new hostess. A college student on summer vacation, she’ll work the front desk until school starts...
by waiter | Jun 1, 2006 | Uncategorized
Its 6:00pm and The Bistro’s been overrun by the Memorial Day rush. Fluvio’s down the Jersey Shore, I’m missing a waiter and the new hostess quit. The phone’s been ringing non-stop. The cordless is on the fritz so I’ve been rushing up to the hostess stand every time it...
by waiter | May 22, 2006 | Uncategorized
“Do you hear that?” Melinda, our hostess asks me. “Hear what?” I reply tiredly. Its Sunday brunch and I’m exhausted from the night before. “There’s a bird in the restaurant!” “You’re kidding me.” “No, listen.” I strain my ears. Over the din of our busy restaurant I...
by waiter | May 19, 2006 | Uncategorized
“A man cannot break his penis,” Kylie, my twenty two year old waitress, exclaims. “Sure he can,” I reply. Don’t ask me how we got on this subject because I forgot. Waitstaff conversations are free associative exercises that usually culminate in sex talk one way or the...
