by waiter | Mar 25, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow Saturday night and I’m standing by the hostess stand, reviewing my tips. I’m not doing well. “How’s it going there?” the owner asks, looking over my shoulder. “Terrible,” I reply. “Less than fifteen percent.” “Really?” the owner says, looking surprised....
by waiter | Mar 15, 2008 | Uncategorized
“Hello and welcome,” I say to my new two top. “Would either of you care for a cocktail?” “I think we’ll just start off with some water,” the husband, a bald man in a open collared silk shirt, replies. “Maybe we’ll have wine with dinner.” “Very good sir,” I reply....
by waiter | Mar 9, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s a stormy Friday night and I’m enjoying a mid shift espresso with Jimmy, Cafe Machiavelli’s youngest busboy. As I sip my coffee I watch as heavy raindrops explode against the restaurant’s front window like liquid kamikazes. The foul weather’s putting a dent in our...
by waiter | Feb 22, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s 9:00 PM on a slow Wednesday night. The only customers in the restaurant are a stuck-up looking couple who’ve made it clear they “don’t want to be rushed.” As they chatter and slowly munch their grilled calamari, their entrées are desiccating under a heat lamp in...
by waiter | Feb 9, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s Friday night and I’m finishing the wine liturgy for the Yuppies on table 13. The host, a pretentious bald man wearing expensively layered clothes, grilled me about the wine list. Asking questions designed not to gain knowledge but to showcase his knowledge of...
by waiter | Feb 7, 2008 | Uncategorized
Another busy Saturday night at Café Machiavelli is finally winding down. My biggest table of the evening, a clamorous Italian familia of twenty people, are finishing their desserts. “You drop the check on that table yet?” Willem, the manager, asks me. “Not yet.” “Give...
by waiter | Feb 2, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s been raining heavily all night. Because our wimpy customers are afraid of a little moisture, Café Machiavelli’s been experiencing an abnormally slow Friday night. It’s almost nine o’clock and I haven’t even cleared a hundred bucks. “Oh man,” Paolo, the executive...
by waiter | Jan 28, 2008 | Uncategorized
I was thrilled to hear that Waiter Rant has been nominated for Best Writing of a Weblog at the 2008 Bloggie Awards for the second year in a row. Congratulations to all bloggers nominated for an award and many thanks to all the people who put forward my nomination!...
by waiter | Jan 25, 2008 | Uncategorized
“What was the steak special again?” the birdish uptight lady on table twelve asks. “It’s a sixteen ounce ribeye steak in a cognac peppercorn cream sauce,” I reply. “Can I get the steak without the sauce?” “Of course Madam.” “And how much is the ribeye?” “Thirty-three...
by waiter | Jan 17, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s the tail end of the lunch shift and Café Machiavelli is empty. Josie, the assistant manager, and I are both working double shifts. Taking advantage of the lull in customer traffic we decide to caffeinate our blood streams with several double espressos. Some...
