Waiter Legs

I walk into my gym at 9:00 AM on a cold Sunday morning. It’s an ungodly hour for a waiter to be awake, but after returning to the restaurant life I promised myself I wouldn’t backslide into bad habits like sleeping until noon, skipping breakfast, late night pizza, and...

Investments

“And last but not least,” I say, wrapping up my recitation of the specials to the party on Table 34, “We have a seafood paella with lobster, shrimp, chorizo sausage, scallops, artichokes, bacon and saffron Arborio rice.” “How do you remember all those specials?” a...

Once More Unto the Breach

It’s a busy Saturday night and Café Machiavelli is packed. Waiting on a line three waiters deep to input my orders into the computer system, I watch as the food runner delivers my entrées to the customers on Table 26. Everyone beams with pleasure as the runner sets...

The Maltese Couch

I don’t know where I caught the virus that knocked me flat. It started out last night as a foul taste in the back of my throat. At first I thought it was the homemade pesto sauce I ate with dinner, but the low grade fever and congestion that greeted me this morning...

The First Cold Day

I’m at the dog park with Buster, my joint custody pooch. It’s the first cold day of the year. The late afternoon sun’s pushing long shadows out of the trees, rolling darkness across the bright leaves covering the ground. I shiver slightly. I’m glad I wore a winter...

The Most Interesting Waiter in the World

1. He’s what all women want and what all yuppie males fear. 2. Any establishment that hires him is automatically awarded an extra Michelin Star – even if it’s a high school cafeteria. 3. Chefs beg him for recipes. 4. The ugliest girl who ever slipped him a phone...