by waiter | Mar 26, 2008 | Uncategorized
“So how you doing Chimo?” I ask during a lull in service. “I’m great, dude,” my Mexican-American comrade replies. “I got a deluxe blowjob last night.” “A deluxe blowjob?” I ask. “What’s that?” “Dude,” Chimo says, looking at me dumbfounded, “You...
by waiter | Mar 25, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow Saturday night and I’m standing by the hostess stand, reviewing my tips. I’m not doing well. “How’s it going there?” the owner asks, looking over my shoulder. “Terrible,” I reply. “Less than fifteen percent.” “Really?” the owner says, looking surprised....
by waiter | Mar 15, 2008 | Uncategorized
“Hello and welcome,” I say to my new two top. “Would either of you care for a cocktail?” “I think we’ll just start off with some water,” the husband, a bald man in a open collared silk shirt, replies. “Maybe we’ll have wine with dinner.” “Very good sir,” I reply....
by waiter | Mar 9, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s a stormy Friday night and I’m enjoying a mid shift espresso with Jimmy, Cafe Machiavelli’s youngest busboy. As I sip my coffee I watch as heavy raindrops explode against the restaurant’s front window like liquid kamikazes. The foul weather’s putting a dent in our...
by waiter | Feb 22, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s 9:00 PM on a slow Wednesday night. The only customers in the restaurant are a stuck-up looking couple who’ve made it clear they “don’t want to be rushed.” As they chatter and slowly munch their grilled calamari, their entrées are desiccating under a heat lamp in...
by waiter | Feb 9, 2008 | Uncategorized
It’s Friday night and I’m finishing the wine liturgy for the Yuppies on table 13. The host, a pretentious bald man wearing expensively layered clothes, grilled me about the wine list. Asking questions designed not to gain knowledge but to showcase his knowledge of...
