by waiter | Sep 4, 2019 | Uncategorized
Yesterday I went looking for a homeless person who probably wasn’t going to accept any help. “Have you seen this person?” I asked two DPW workers doing landscaping in a nearby park. “Try the supermarket,” one of them told me. “Might be there. Walks around...
by waiter | Aug 17, 2019 | Uncategorized
“Excuse me,” I said to the lithe twenty-something after she uncoiled out of her improbable yoga pose. “Yes?” the girl said, her creep detection radar blasting enough wattage to boil my blood away. “Are you using this box for your workout?” “Oh,...
by waiter | Aug 12, 2019 | Uncategorized
When I woke up Sunday morning, I decided to be a good daddy and take my daughter to the movies. “We’ll see that live action Dora the Explorer movie,” I told my wife. “She’s been asking me to take her.” “Great,” my wife, said. “Keep her out of...
by waiter | Aug 7, 2019 | Uncategorized
A few weeks ago our dishwasher, an old Kenmore that came with the house, gave up the ghost. After decades of barebones apartment living washing dishes by hand, the thought of not having a machine to do that chore was anathema to my middle class soul. So my...
by waiter | Apr 29, 2019 | Uncategorized
I was sitting in the dentist’s chair waiting to get my tooth filled when one of the dental techs hurried into the room. “There was a stabbing at the deli!” she said. “What?” the dentist said. “When?” “A few minutes ago. A woman was stabbed eleven times. Three times in...
by waiter | Apr 23, 2019 | Uncategorized
I was waiting in an exam room in my cardiologist’s office, watching the clock. My appointment was for 5:40. It was now 6:45. “He’ll be just a minute,” an assistant said, poking her head into the room. “Hang in there.” “If I’m the lowest priority in the...
