by waiter | May 23, 2005 | Uncategorized
Anyone who wants a table a half hour before closing is an asshole. If a customer never says “Please” or “thank you” during the course of the meal you’re getting 15% or less. If a customer pays with the Discover Card – your tips probably gonna be bad. If the customer...
by waiter | May 23, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Waiter what would you recommend? The swordfish or the tuna?” the redhead on table twenty three asks me. “The swordfish is excellent tonight,” I offer. “How thick is the swordfish?” Red asks looking up. Our eyes meet. There’s a spark of electricity between us. We both...
by waiter | May 22, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Waiter, has any one ever told you that you look like Elton John?” “No sir,” I say looking down my nose at the customer. “I mean a young Elton John,” the man adds quickly, realizing I’m not flattered by the comparison. “That’s a new one on me sir,” I reply icily. “I...
by waiter | May 20, 2005 | Uncategorized
Gerald and I are conversing by the coffee station at the start of shift. “My friend’s daughter’s ten and she’s already menstruating,” he says. “Ten?” I gasp in surprise, “isn’t that a little early?” “Unbelievable ain’t it?” “Man, girls are hitting puberty younger and...
by waiter | May 18, 2005 | Uncategorized
It’s a slow lunch. Too kill time, Gwen, the lunch waitress is doing a Feng Shui analysis of my apartment. “You see here,” Gwen says pointing to my clumsily doodled floor plan, “your creativity corner is strong. But your money and love energies are going out the...
by waiter | May 15, 2005 | Uncategorized
“Fluvio wants you,” Maria, the busgirl, shouts. “Tell him I didn’t do it whatever it is,” I shout over the din, frantically trying to assemble ten cappuccinos. “He wants to know why your table outside’s pissed off,” Maria continues. “What?” “They said you’re a...
