Coffee, Feng Shui, & Hope

It’s a slow lunch. Too kill time, Gwen, the lunch waitress is doing a Feng Shui analysis of my apartment. “You see here,” Gwen says pointing to my clumsily doodled floor plan, “your creativity corner is strong. But your money and love energies are going out the...

Doomed

“Fluvio wants you,” Maria, the busgirl, shouts. “Tell him I didn’t do it whatever it is,” I shout over the din, frantically trying to assemble ten cappuccinos. “He wants to know why your table outside’s pissed off,” Maria continues. “What?” “They said you’re a...

No Mas

I’m standing on the shore of a tropical island when a beautiful blonde in skimpy white bikini emerges from the surf like Venus Rising from the sea. I admire her long legs as she sashays suggestively towards me. “Hi,” she says breathlessly....

New Guy Continued…..

Fluvio and I are eating lunch at change of shift. It’s payday. The lunch waitress happily counts the day’s take as the dinner staff trickles in. “Hey Arlene, how was lunch?” Louis asks in greeting. “$200!” Arlene chirps merrily. She had a great shift. “Not bad…” Louis...

Toss Your Cookies

It has come to my attention that WaiterRant’s site statistics are less than transparent. To remedy that situation I have decided to make those statistics public. Click on the StatCounter “counter.” Type “reader” into both the username and password fields and your in!...

Five Inches

The service bar in my bistro is a cramped cluttered affair – jammed into a corner next to the coffee machine. Ten varieties of vodka compete with gin and wine bottles for space. Whenever you grab the tequila you risk knocking several bottles to the floor. I’m...

Burying the Dead

I’m sitting in the Irish pub after work hoisting a few pints with my fellow server Beth. You remember her. She’s the one that was still wearing Underoo’s when I graduated college. The beer and the conversation flow freely. “When I was in the third grade I was mauled...

Pale Moon Rising

The woman on table sixteen is a forty year old, slightly drunk, voluptuous peroxide blond. And her ass is halfway out of her pants. Leaning forward in animated conversation she’s oblivious that her backside is sliding out of her jeans. I can’t help but notice it’s a...

New Guy

I’m training a couple of new waiters. I forget their names. Actually, I don’t want to know their names. They probably won’t last long. Being a waiter is like being a soldier in combat. Veterans don’t want get to know the green recruit. They’re going to get blown...

Waiter Rant meets Roadhouse

I’ve only had to physically throw out one customer in all my time as a waiter. The guy at Clublife gets to do it every night! An entertaining blog about a bouncer in NYC. Go read!