To Do List

The sound of the phone ringing punctured my sleep and my eyes snapped open. Staring at the ceiling my first conscious thought was, “Was that crack always there?” Groaning, I picked up my phone. It was my town’s emergency response department. I was in their phone chain...

Trying Too Hard

When I walked into the endodontist’s office his receptionist said, “Welcome back Mr. Dublanica.” “There’s no ‘Welcome back’ when you come to the endodontist,” I said. “What you should say is,’ You screwed up and now you’re going to pay!’” “I’m sorry,” she said....

Captain Kirk

“Root canal,” the dentist said. “Aw shit,” I said. “Let me call the endodontist. Maybe he can fit you in today.” “Okay.” Sitting in the chair, I gingerly touched my bicuspid and was rewarded with a stabbing jolt of pain. Two weeks ago, the dentist filled it and...

Ghosts

“There’s a ghost in my room,” my daughter wailed from her bedroom. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and walked into Natalie’s room, figuring this was just another ploy to stay up longer. “Where’s the ghost?” I said. “There,” Natalie said, pointing to the wall. “This?” I...

Forbidden Fruit

A couple of days ago I was watching my old dog sleeping on his bed. In canine years, Buster must be well over a hundred.  Blind and mostly deaf, he is no longer able to traverse the stairs and spends of most his time sleeping in one room – his world getting...

Prevailing Versus Winning

Last Saturday I was in a townie bar watching my wife do her standup comedy routine. I didn’t like the tavern at all. When I went to get a beer the bartender, who seemed overwhelmed by the simplest of orders, gave me $11 in change after I paid for a Pabst Blue Ribbon...

The Title Belt

“Gee this is really fancy,” a parent said to me. “Yeah,” I said, surveying the hangar sized childrens’ museum where we were holding my daughter’s fourth birthday party. “When I was a kid my mom made a cake from the box and we played pin the tail on the donkey.”...

Confounding Expectations

A couple of days ago I was watching a TV show called Lucifer. The premise is that Satan, bored of running Hell, decamps to Los Angeles and becomes a consultant for the LAPD. Of course, he’s a scoundrel, speaks with an English accent and runs a debauched nightclub when...

….Have No Name

As social services director for my town, the holidays are my busiest time of year. We hold a Thanksgiving food drive, an “Adopt a Family” program where we anonymously match up client needs’ lists with willing donors and run a toy drive. I start preparing in August;...

The Streets….

Many years ago, I was walking towards the entrance of the urban hospital where I worked and found a tremendous pool of blood on the sidewalk. After I got over the shock of finding such gore I noticed a blood trail and decided to follow it.  It led to the emergency...