Monthly Archives: March 2010

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CAFÉ DE LIQUIDATION

CAFÉ DE LIQUIDATION “We make all your problems disappear – deliciously” Lè Menu Primi * Threatening phone calls delivered with a flavoring of subtle menace. 20 * Threatening phone calls delivered with powerful overtones of menace. 25 * Line caught Chilean Sea Bass wrapped in

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Beneath the Waves

I’m at the dog park with Buster enjoying a beautiful day when one of the regulars taps me on the shoulder. “Hey,” he says. “Look. There’s a hawk over there.” I turn around and see a large brown hawk standing fifty yards outside the fence.

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Why the Comments Are Off

The Internet is a truly wondrous place. Without it I never would’ve started Waiter Rant, gotten noticed and become an author. So I guess I’m indebted to Vinton Cerf and all the people who made this amazing web of communication and ideas possible. And to

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Wrong Guy, Wrong Day

It’s midnight and I’m in the drive thru lane of a Burger King. I just came back from picking up Buster from his “doggy mama” and I’m famished. “Hello and welcome to Burger King,” a staticy voice says though the drive thru intercom. “What would

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Walking Shadow

I’m driving down a hill in Southern California. It’s a warm sunny day and as the sea-scented breeze caresses my face I see a black man standing on a street corner holding an assault rifle. And when I say a black man I don’t mean

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Drive By

I’m sitting in my room typing away on my laptop when suddenly I hear tires screeching outside my house. “I fucking hate niggers!” a male voice screams. “I fucking hate them!” I leap out of my chair and run to the window. My first thought

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Digging In the Dirt

I stumbled across an interesting blog called Becoming Jennie. It’s written by a young woman named Jennifer Ketchum who used to be an adult actress and is now trying to build a brand new life. When I read it I thought of Peter Gabriel’s classic

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Vive La France

It’s Saturday evening and my friend Lana and I are tooling around the Lower East Side looking for a place to eat. Since it’s eight o’clock on the busiest restaurant night of the week we know we have a snowball’s chance in hell getting a

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Some People Just Don’t Get It

There was a recent article in the New York Times entitled “Hey Waiter! Just How Much Extra Do You Really Expect?” In it the author, David Sax, just regurgitates the ignorant and curmudgeonly responses certain people have always had towards tipping. So read the article,