Monthly Archives: May 2007

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Prick

“Drop off or pick up?” the rental car salesman asks me. “Pick up,” I reply. “Are you going through insurance?” “Yes. I already made a reservation.” “Just have a seat sir,” the clerk says. “I’ll be with you in a sec.” I sit in a

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War Crimes

It’s Saturday night and I’m waiting on a table of twenty adolescent girls celebrating their friend’s sixteenth birthday. The parents of the birthday girl are sitting with friends on the opposite side of the restaurant, ostensibly to give the teenagers some privacy. From my vantage

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Deus Ex Machina

“I have to take you home Virginia.” “But I don’t want to go home.” “I’m sure you don’t.” “Can you make me go home?” Virginia asked, idly pushing a hash brown into a pool of ketchup. “Yes.” We were eating bacon and eggs inside a

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Due to Technical Difficulties………

As some of you may have noticed, Waiter Rant was out of commission for the past several days. Somebody hacked into my site and inflicted enough damage to necessitate a total shutdown. The rational part of me knows that some 14 year old kid probably

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The Only Way is the Wrong Way

Its the tail end of the lunch shift. I pretend to watch the office girls walking past the front window as I eavesdrop on two of my customers. I know thats not very polite but its an interesting conversation. Besides, Im bored. “I don’t know,”

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The Sleep Of Innocence

It’s Thursday night. The headwaiter’s stuck me in a three table section by the men’s room. The few customers I have are low spending college students pissed off that they’re sitting by the toilet. They probably feel like they’re being discriminated against. In a sense

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Fertilizer

It’s a drizzly grey afternoon. I’m standing in a five foot deep by five foot wide hole in the ground. A man is standing above me holding a pickaxe and smoking a cigarette. “Dig you bastard,” he says menacingly. “Dig.” “I think I’ve dug enough,”