Monthly Archives: March 2007

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50 Signs Your Waiter Might Be an Asshole

Turnabout is fair play so here’s that list I promised. I thought it would be hard to think of 50 ways a server could be an asshole. Duh, I was wrong. 1. Waiter smells like he hasn’t bathed in days. 2. Waiter has dirty, unkempt

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50 Signs You Might Be An Asshole Customer

1) You bring your own teabags. 2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal. 3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks. 4) You bring your

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50 Signs You’re Working in a Bad Restaurant

Anyone who’s ever waited tables knows how hard it is to transition from one restaurant job to another. To help make the process a little smoother I’ve compiled a list of warning signs to help waiters avoid working in dysfunctional shitholes. 1) They hire you

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Of Mice and Men

“Omigod!” Julie, one of the waitresses shrieks. “A mouse!” “Where?” I ask. “Right there,” Julie says, pointing to the floor. “Stuck in the glue trap!” I look down. Stuck on a piece of adhesive cardboard next to the dishwasher is a small brown and white

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Failed

It’s my first Saturday night working at the new restaurant. Since I’m new and the manager’s unsure how many tables I can handle, I’ve been given a small section near the men’s room. The other waiters ensure that cheap tippers with psychological problems constitute the

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Muy Crudo

“Where’s Luis?” I ask Miguel, one of the restaurants many bus boys. “My party’s gonna be here any minute and the tables not set up.” “I don’t know,” Miguel says. “Rolando,” I ask, turning to our fabulous Chileno busser. “Do you know where Luis is?”