50 Signs Your Waiter Might Be an Asshole

Turnabout is fair play so here’s that list I promised. I thought it would be hard to think of 50 ways a server could be an asshole. Duh, I was wrong. 1. Waiter smells like he hasn’t bathed in days. 2. Waiter has dirty, unkempt hair. 3. The waiter’s so stoned his...

50 Signs You Might Be An Asshole Customer

1) You bring your own teabags. 2) You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal. 3) You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks. 4) You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to...

50 Signs You’re Working in a Bad Restaurant

Anyone who’s ever waited tables knows how hard it is to transition from one restaurant job to another. To help make the process a little smoother I’ve compiled a list of warning signs to help waiters avoid working in dysfunctional shitholes. 1) They hire you the...

Of Mice and Men

“Omigod!” Julie, one of the waitresses shrieks. “A mouse!” “Where?” I ask. “Right there,” Julie says, pointing to the floor. “Stuck in the glue trap!” I look down. Stuck on a piece of adhesive cardboard next to the dishwasher is a small brown and white field mouse....

Failed

It’s my first Saturday night working at the new restaurant. Since I’m new and the manager’s unsure how many tables I can handle, I’ve been given a small section near the men’s room. The other waiters ensure that cheap tippers with psychological problems constitute the...