Monthly Archives: December 2006

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The Eye of God

I’m taking the bus to the Port Authority. The driver navigating the rattling aluminum box we’re sitting in slaloms through the scrum of New Jersey traffic and dives us under the Hudson River. I’m always a bit nervous going through the Lincoln Tunnel. When I

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No More Bistro

I am no longer working at The Bistro. Ever since the book deal was announced in August I felt my time at The Bistro was limited. To be honest, I was getting sick of the place and they were getting sick of me. My stress

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Magnum Force

“You ready?” Phil asks me. “Ready,” I reply. “Let her rip.” I squeeze the trigger on the heavy revolver. With a tremendous roar, a .357 caliber bullet explodes out of the barrel and smashes through the head of my target. “Good shot! ” Phil crows.

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Double O Poseur

I don’t like the guy sitting at Table 24. Something about him gives me the creeps. I can’t put my finger on it but give me time. “Can I get you something from the bar?” I ask. The man looks at the woman sitting across

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Incurable

“Look at this,” Louis says, handing me a check holder. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Just look.” I open the bill holder. Inside’s a signed credit card slip. The check’s a hundred dollars. The tip? Five bucks. “Ouch,” I say. “That hurts.” “Jerks,” Louis fumes. “Customers

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The Big One

Louis comes running up to me. He doesn’t look good. “I think I’m having a heart attack,” he gasps, clutching his chest. Its five-thirty on Wednesday afternoon. We have no reservations. Three waiters are scheduled to work the floor. The odds are Louis won’t make

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Repeal Day

Seventy-three years ago today the 21st amendment to the US Constitution was fully ratified. If you forgot your history the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th Amendment. I know, don’t all jump up and down at once. But a quick Wikipedia check would tell you that’s

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The Gym

It’s Wednesday night and I’m at the gym. I’ve been working out faithfully since the middle of summer. My cholesterol’s down, I’ve lost some weight, and my doctor’s thrilled with my blood pressure. The health benefits are nice, but the real reason I’m exercising is

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What Else Do You Do?

When customers ask me, “What else do you do?” they’re operating from the usually correct assumption that waiters are always working on another gig; singing, writing, acting, modeling, etc. However, some of us are really waiters. This is our profession. I could say I’m a