Monthly Archives: October 2006

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Short-Term Karma

The man on table 23 raises his hand and performs the scribble signal for the check. I nod in acknowledgment and head to the POS computer to print it up. All in all 23 wasn’t a bad table – man, wife, mother-in-law – the usual

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Bread and Circuses

It’s Sunday evening and I’m exhausted. I feel like the previous Friday and Saturday nights excised more than their usual pound of psychic flesh. “You look tired,” Monique, our Sunday hostess observes. “I’m feeling wiped out today,” I reply. “I think my blood sugar’s low.”

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9 Millimeter Hostess

It’s seven o’clock on Saturday night. Every seat in the Bistro has someone’s name on it. But that doesn’t stop people without reservations from trying to get in. “Where’s Fluvio?” an impatient customers huffs, nervously waving his keychain back and forth. “If he was here

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Cold Autumn

Its Saturday night. Beth and I are drinking dirty martinis at Istanbul, a Turkish restaurant with a great bar and live music. I’m keen on seeing some belly dancers. “Did you ever smoke a hookah?” Beth asks me, motioning to the ornate water pipes standing

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Save Your Breath

I’m drinking coffee in the kitchen watching Louis hyperventilate. It’s a pastime of mine. “Can I get my halibut for table three?” Louis yells. “Like today?” “Relax Louis,” I say. “The food’ll be out in a minute.” “You don’t understand,” Louis replies tersely, “The guy

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Fellatio?

“And you sir,” I say, turning to the last customer on my four top, “What will you have this evening?” “I’ll have the Fellatio please,” the man says with a smirk. I glance up from my pad. This guy better be talking about the Filetto

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This House is Ours!

My brother and his wife just bought their first house. It’s what real estate agents euphemistically call a fixer upper. The three bedroom Cape’s previous owner had been a heavy smoking cat lover. We discovered nicotine stains in the closets. And the smell of cat

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Void Codes

In restaurant parlance a “void” is when management removes an item from a customer’s check. In medical parlance it means urinating or evacuating one’s bowels. I’m in management so it’s all the same to me – taking shit and pissing money away. I authorize lots