Monthly Archives: August 2006

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I’m with Stupid

“What’s up with Table 2?” Holly, the hostess asks me. “What about table 2?” “They didn’t want to sit in your section.” “Why not?” “I don’t know why.” I look over at Table 2. A cute brown-haired woman and her boyfriend are intently studying their

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Monday

It’s Monday morning and I’m lying in bed. Raindrops clatter on the second hand air conditioner sticking out my bedroom window. I open one eye. The light pushing though the curtains is heavy and gray. Outside I hear car tires sluice through wet asphalt. I

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Waiter Rant is The Talk of The Nation!

Well, not exactly………. I’m going to be on National Public Radio’s “Talk of the Nation” program this Thursday around 3:15 PM(EST). The topic is one of my favorites – tipping. It’s a live show so don’t hold me to the exact time. You might want

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The Good Samaritan

It’s late at night. The Bistro’s closed. The busgirls are putting up the chairs. The kitchen crew’s mopping the floors. I’m in the back counting the evening’s take. There isn’t much to count. The few customers we had were frugal eaters and bad tippers. It

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Final Destination

My roommate and I watched the horror movie “Final Destination 3” last night. For those of you unfamiliar with the series, it’s about a group of teenagers who narrowly escape getting killed in a horrible accident. But Death, refusing to be cheated, hunts down and

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Sex Maniac

It’s Sunday night. The dinner rush is over. I’m reconciling my tips when Saroya comes up to me. “Look at this,” she says, holding a business card in front of my face. I look at the card. It reads “PICK A NUMBER 1 2 3

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Splat

Normally I find Al Fresco diners annoying. But one of my favorite couples snags an outside table and requests me as their waiter. Since the woman’s gorgeous I’m happy to oblige. “Good evening,” I say, cheerfully handing them menus. “Nice to see you again.” “Nice

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Hung Over Time

It’s Saturday night and Beth looks like shit. “What’s the matter with you?” I ask. “You look like somebody beat you up.” “Gee, thanks for the compliment,” Beth sneers. “You trip the light fantastic last night?” “Huh?” “Partying?” “Oh yeah,” Beth replies, waving her hand

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Heat

It’s late afternoon and the thermometer reads a pleasant 85 degrees. The only problem? That’s the temperature inside the Bistro. “Why does the A/C decide to crap out now?” Beth, one of our servers, wails. “Today of all days.” “Because it’s a hundred degrees out,”

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Book Deal

I am pleased to announce that I have secured a book deal with Ecco, an imprint of Harper Collins, for Waiter Rant: A Behind the Scenes Look at the Front Lines of Dining Out. I would like to thank Dan Halpern and Ecco for giving