Monthly Archives: February 2006

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Kiss Ass & Run Away

It’s a busy weekday night at the Bistro. Fluvio’s taken his kid somewhere so I’m in charge. The door chimes. Two women walk inside. “Hello ladies,” I say, “How many for dinner?” “Two,” a rather glum looking woman says. “We have a reservation.” “What name

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Pre-Op

WARNING! If you’re squeamish, skip this post! It’s a slow shift and I’m kibitzing in the back with the other servers. It looks like it’s gonna be a dead night. “So did you see that story about Craigslist on the news last night?” Ryan, one

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Names

Maximilian, our head busboy, is having a baby. Well, sort of. Max’s daughter Isabel, who also works at the Bistro, is six months pregnant. Max is only a few years older than me and this will be his first grandchild. When Max discovered the stork

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V Day

The couple on Table 22 orders the dessert special, a confection of white chocolate mousse and strawberries. Of course, it’s in the shape of a heart. “Happy Valentine’s Day Madam,” I say, gallantly presenting the dessert. “Oh!” the woman exclaims. “Thank you!” “My pleasure madam.”

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Valentine’s Eve

The phone rings. I already know what the person on the other end wants. I already know what my answer is going to be. It seems pointless to even answer. But I must. It’s my job. “Hello the Bistro,” I say cheerily, “How may I

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The Dogs of War

It’s my day off. I’m writing on my laptop when my dog bounds into my lap and starts licking my face. “What do you want now?” I ask. Buster looks at me, panting expectantly. “Dog park?” I ask. “You want to go play?” Buster emits

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What a Freak

It’s a busy night. The hostess is in the bathroom so I’m covering the door. The door chimes. A man walks in. “Four,” he says, holding up exactly four fingers. How nice. “Do you have a reservation?” I ask politely. “No,” he grunts, “Do I

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Heaven & Hell

Beth and I are sitting by the front window drinking coffee and kibitzing. It’s early and we’re not expecting customers for an hour. Side work finished, the tables are arranged with military precision; uniformed in starchy crisp tablecloths and brocaded with newly polished silverware, they

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What Your Drink Says About You

I conducted an informal poll to see what your favorite drink says about you. The sampling was very small and the margin for error is very large. If you see your favorite drink lampooned, spare me the hate mail. I get enough already. What Your