Gay Friendly

A young woman walks into the Bistro.

“Is your restaurant gay friendly?” she asks.

“Yes Madam,” I reply. I’ve gotten this question before.

“I want to take my partner out for her birthday. We only patronize gay friendly establishments,” she says.

Wow. Militant.

“You come to the right place,” I say.

“Are you listed in any directories as gay friendly?” she queries.

“Yes.” I tell her which ones.

Satisfied the woman asks, “Can I have a table for two this Saturday at 7pm?”

“No problem,” I say. I take down the lady’s information.

“Can I have that nice table in the window?” she presses, “it’s the first birthday we’re celebrating together and I want to make it special.”

I juggle some things in the computer. “The table’s all yours.”

“Can you tell the waiter it’s a special occasion?” she asks.

“Madam I’ll take care of you myself.”

The woman smiles, “Thanks for your help.”

“You’re welcome.”

Saturday night rolls around. The ladies come in and sit at their romantic table. I pull out all the stops. I put a candle in the woman’s dessert and even sing happy birthday. They hold hands and talk quietly as they linger over liquors.

No one bothers giving them a second look.

I sigh contently.

Love is love. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and orientations. There’s not enough of it in the world.

The ladies signal for their check. I ring it up. The woman signs the bill. They get up to leave.

“Happy Birthday madam,” I say cheerfully as they depart.

“Thanks for a wonderful evening,” the woman gushes.

“It was my pleasure.”

After they depart I retrieve the bill folder from the table and open it.

On a ninety dollar bill they left me eight bucks.

Shocked I walk towards the back of the restaurant.

“Check this shit out,” I say waving the check in front of Louis.

“Ouch that hurts,” he says.

“I can’t believe it. I was so nice to them.”

“Was that the two lesbians?”


“Figures,” Louis replies, “Lesbians are horrible tippers.”

“That’s a tad stereotypical,” I counter.

“It’s true,” Louis shrugs, “I’m gay so I know.”

I don’t say anything. I’ve gotten good tips from lesbians before. I can’t figure out why these ladies were so cheap.

I sigh.

Assholes are assholes. They come in all shapes, sizes, and orientations. And there are more than enough of them in the world.

I close out the bill. I’m more hurt than angry.

We’re gay friendly. Not cheapskate friendly.

I’ll remember those ladies the next time around.

24 thoughts on “Gay Friendly”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Isn’t it great how you have to be officially qualified to be gay friendly? I just think everything should work like that. “Sure, Todd is a nice guy, but is he listed in the handbook and sanctioned by the administration as such?” That way we don’t have to think for ourselves at all.

    Todd Vodka

  2. Eh... Not so much says:

    What a biatch! I mean, it’s not as if she hadn’t been planning this little event for days in advance. One would have thought she would have been prepared for the tip as well.

    Speaking of which, do most waitstaff prefer to get the tip in cash or on the credit card? I always worry that it takes longer for the waiter to get their tip if it’s on the credit card.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Depends on the restaurant. Some you get it the same day, at others it may take several days. I’ve always preferred getting cash tips, however, because where I work my credit card tips get claimed automatically for me. I like to be in control of what I claim.

  4. The Bubaker says:

    It’s so sweet when customers like that walk back in expecting identical treatment after they’ve tipped badly… Always gave me a chuckle

  5. shrimplate says:

    About a year ago I miscalculated and left a less-than adequate tip. I only realized this when I got home and was entering the debit into my checkbook.

    The next time we went to that restaurant, we had a different waitsperson, but we aked her if “the tall waiter” was there that night and she got him for us.

    He came to the table, I explained that I’d undertipped him and he graciously denied this (I think my tip had fallen into maybe about an 11-12% range on about a a $100 tab.) Then we gave him a $20.

    We are always treated very graciously there, and we wanted to make it right.

  6. Miss Kerri says:


    As usual, your blog has me giggling and this entry was no exception – you express yourself beautifully.

    Those two ladies were lucky just to have your beautiful service… and if I’m ever there, I will come and visit you and I promise I’ll tip properly.


  7. Anonymous says:

    I know this has nothing to do with this particular post, but I was wondering what do you think of the waiters’ lawsuit over being fired for being French?
    The article is here:

  8. anthony says:

    u mean u were nice to them expecting a big tip? and if they did not give u one, u wish you havent been nice to them. i hope u dont think life is like that. expecting a reward for being nice to people.

  9. Anonymous says:

    often, people who see themselves as aggrieved victims demand much but give little. it is funny that she was so careful sizing up the restaurant but didn’t bother to apply the same exacting standards of conduct to herself.

  10. Flimsy Sanity says:

    Surely you earned more than eight dollars for a solid hour of your undivided attention and devoted time to the couple. Eight Dollars an Hour is more than I ever made. Had it been me, I would have returned the tip and said, “Let me help you celebrate, keep the tip.” Which reminds me of the joke. What did the leper say to the prostitute as he ran out without paying, “Keep the tip.”

  11. Anonymous says:

    the owner of a gay/lesbian restaurant in Portland, OR took out an advertisement in the local gay newspaper a couple of years back; his complaint was that lesbians en masse would come into his place, order water, smoke cig after cig, and not leave for hours.

    it caused quite a furor because everyone objected to the stereotype that lesbians are notoriously bad tippers and often very rude in public settings.

    the truth hurts.

    PS: on a recent return visit to this place, I noticed that there was rather large oil painting of 4 women, sitting around a table, drinking coffee and smoking cigs; title: “Bad Tip Cafe”. my guess is that most of the clientele still don’t get it.

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  13. kelly says:

    I know this is an old post, but I had to share this story. Sunday lunch, holiday season. 50 Jewish lesbians (I’m not saying that they are Jewish because they were cheap, they had gold plastic coins with menorahs scattered on the tables). Not only were they needy, abrupt and just plain rude, but they wanted FIFTY SEPARATE CHECKS! FIFTY! Each woman left me about a dollar.

    Way to live up to your stereotypes ladies…

  14. Sophist FCD, who always tips well on his lesbian life-partner's birthday, says:

    My theory for this behavior, that I just now pulled out of my arse, is that for various cultural reasons certain classes of women just never get taught early on how to tip. You just don’t notice the straight ones as much because they are often with a man who has been trained to tip is something approaching an appropriate manner.

    Either that, or they’re punishing you for having testicles.

  15. la migra says:

    Anthony It’s not a reward for being nice, it’s payment for services rendered. If you think that waiters take your order and bring you drinks because they’re being “nice” you really don’t know how the world works.

  16. Blitzen says:

    LOL. As a bi woman myself, I can confirm that lesbians really are lousy tippers a lot of the time, unless they themselves have worked in the service industry. Part of it is that they tend to have a lot less money than men and don’t budget for the tip when they go out and treat themselves. Partly it is because they don’t have that need to impress their date or one-up each other that men have. And of course there are just as many lesbian assholes as straight ones who just don’t think about it. On dates with women, I often find myself “topping up” someone else’s tips.

  17. not ashamed says:

    As a lesbian and a server myself I hate this stereotype. But sometimes it’s true. Recently out of college I worked [for a law firm] with a lesbian who spoke about how she felt a sort of duty to act especially nice to combat lesbian stereotypes of all sorts. I can’t say I’m always perfect in all things, but I have taken her advice to heart. Apparently some of our lesbian regulars think the same thing. Or maybe they were just always good tippers [I always tried to be].

  18. Max says:

    Damn. Just goes to show you, some people are dicks. Even if they don’t have one, or like them.

  19. leithold says:

    hm…you know these cases where you and the customer are friendly and all but you still get a bad tip? im betting they just dont know how much to tip. i mean, there isnt really a universal standard, is there? i mean i only started tipping 15-20% after i discovered your blog (i used to tip 10%).

    i know this post is from a while back, but if it happens again, maybe you can cut them some slack.

  20. luckylizzie says:

    I have found that women in general are worse tippers than men although that’s not always the case!

  21. Joey says:

    On the flip side, gay men are usually great tippers. (we should be, most of us have been waiters at one time or another!)

  22. lim jay says:

    I think tipping ettiquette is confusing to many and some people just do not know how to calculate tips. Yeah, 20% of $100 is not $10 🙂

    I was at the Hyatt Regency in Chicago for their $22 breakfast buffet. The servers do not serve anything. OJ is self-serve and coffee pot is already on the table. When I got my check, they already calculated 15% into the bill. I couldn’t tell if this was mandatory tip or not as there was no service apart from the hostess finding me a seat. They had a bus boy take the plates away. I paid it and didn’t make a stink about it, but I thought that was lame.

  23. jack says:

    I know a multitude of people in the food and beverage service industry, and by far gays in fly over country in the US (midwest, plains) are by far the worst tippers of any culture in the world. Guess that confirms their narcissistic, disordered lifestyle.

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